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These people lining up to see Meloncholia are going to feel pretty stupid when they realize they didn’t have to pay $15 just to see Kirsten Dunst’s boobs. They could have come here to see them for free. Give yourself a pat on the back. You’re the smart ones, my friends. Don’t say I never did anything nice for you.

 

 

 

Lindsay Lohan is intent on getting back into the acting business, and rumor has it that she’s being considered for the role of murder victim Sharon Tate in an upcoming movie about Charles Manson. At this point, pretty much any movie that shows her getting hacked into pieces would appeal to the public at large, but it’s definitely a start. TMZ says:

The movie’s called “Eyes of a Dreamer” and is being produced by one of the guys who did “Monster” with Charlize Theron.

The part of Charles Manson will be played by celeb photographer Tyler Shields — whose work you might recognize — and Tyler’s directing the whole shebang.

There are also indications that she may play the role of a villainess in the new Superman reboot. I’m guessing a “Lex Luther’s coke whore gets exposed to gamma radiation” kinda thing. Radar Online says:

“Lindsay plans to return from New York on Wednesday and meet with producers and read with an actor who is up for the role of Lex Luther,” a source close to the actress [said].

The film’s powerbrokers remain interested in casting her in a role as a villain.

Lohan had wanted the role of Superman’s love-interest Lois Lane, but is said to be excited with the news that producers are still considering her for another gig in the much anticipated film, despite all her issues

There aren’t a lot of evil chicks intent on destroying Superman in the comics, so they’ll have to custom-create a whole new character for her. Luckily, I’ve already got the perfect villainess role in the works — by day, she’s the mild-mannered Jen Ittall-Wort; but by night, she terrorizes the city as the phantom “Burning Itch.” Or maybe the phantom “Fire Crotch.” I haven’t decided just yet. I’m still kinda ironing out all the details.

At the “Source Code” premiere last week:

Can you think of anyone’s face who you’d like to see enlarged on a movie screen than Pete Doherty? Your dreams have come true, because he’s been cast in a period drama. Says Celebrity Fix,

Brave producers have cast the drug-addled muso in an adaptation of the French novel La Confession d’un Enfant du Siècle playing the womanising poet Alfred de Musset alongside Charlotte Gainsbourg as the female lead.

I suppose if you wanted someone to authentically look the part of a French citizen in the 1800′s, then you could do no better than Pete Doherty. Infrequent bathing? Check. Body odor? Check. Bad teeth? Check. A pale, diseased-looking appearance? Check check check. I’m only hoping that they have someone on standby to douse Charlotte Gainsbourg’s mouth with Listerine and one of those decontamination scrub-downs when she has to do a love scene with him.

There’s always drama with the Lohan clan, so what could be more natural fodder for a movie script? The Lohans are pretending they’re not delighted to be getting more attention drawn to them, so what’s the best way to up the ante? File a lawsuit. TMZ says,

Producers of “Dogs in Pocketbooks” — a movie pretty clearly based on Lindsay Lohan’s wild ride — may have to open their own pocketbooks, because the Lohan clan is considering legal action.

As we told you yesterday, “Dogs” is based on a spoiled brat prone to alcohol and cocaine binges, reckless driving, failed rehab attempts, career-ending partying and ruthless hangers-on.

Lydia Hearst, Lindsay’s spitting image, will star in the movie.

Dina Lohan says the new movie “is definitely based on Lindsay’s likeness,” and “We have a very strong case. It’s shadowing E*TRADE” — referring to Lohan’s suit against the online brokerage firm which produced a commercial featuring a baby Lindsay.

Now we’ve learned Lohan’s family lawyer, Stephanie Ovadia, has been contacted by the Lohan family and it seems Ovadia thinks they have a case: “They are again using her likeness without her being compensated.”

Ovadia adds, “Not only that but they are advertising the fact that they are using her likeness.”

Dina warns, “Anyone bringing negativity will be dealt with accordingly.”

Oh please beeyatch. You hear “spoiled brat prone to alcohol and cocaine binges, reckless driving, failed rehab attempts, career-ending partying and ruthless hangers-on”, who else are you going to think of but Lindsay? You could slap a wig on a springer spaniel and everyone would know who you’re talking about. Believe me, I know. They asked my dog to play the part, but she was really offended.

In a Benn Jaye photoshoot:

The trailer for Mel Gibson’s new stinkbomb “The Beaver” is out now, and holy shit is it bad. Words just don’t do it justice. Honestly, the only way it could be any worse is if it also starred Ernest P. Worrell and a couple of Psychlos.

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