Tired of hearing about dead, skinny white stiff Michael Jackson? Well, Brüno is here to tell you about a different skinny white stiff. Digital Spy reports,

Austrian fashion reporter Brüno has claimed that he sexually aroused Eminem when he “accidentally” fell on him at last month’s MTV Movie Awards.

The spoof character, played by Borat creator Sacha Baron Cohen, said that he felt a stirring in the rap superstar’s pants during the incident.

“It was a terrible accident, but my face was actually right next to his kugelsack und I felt something like growing, pushing into my cheek,” he told Heat.

“I suddenly realised why he was called Slim Shady. After a while it was clear slim was getting a little fat. The real slim Shady stood up.”

The star went on to reveal that he is eager to focus on charity work once promotion for Brüno had ended.

“I want to win a Nobel prize, you know,” he said. “I am hoping to also do some charity work with Naomi Campbell.

“That girl is an inspiration because she has been in the business for 20 years und, despite all the fame and success, has remained a total bitch.”

While all the shenanigans that Sasha Baron Cohen pulls sometimes creeps me out, I’d much rather prefer that actors like him actually entertain, instead of these other actors who use award shows to tell everyone their political beliefs and whatnot, instead of some good clean fun like assplanting into someone’s face. I want my celebrities to entertain, not tell me what to think, dammit! Dance, monkey, dance!

In Australia for the premiere of Brüno

I don’t know who’s responsible for making Megan Fox look like this, but I think we can all agree on one thing here: that person should be horse-whipped repeatedly and left for dead. It’s a good thing I’m not a Sith lord. The kind of anger these pictures inspire would make me more powerful than any Jedi’s ever dreamed of.

Megan Fox:

Miley Cyrus:

Kristen Stewart, non-conformist in the most conformist way possible:

Leighton Meester, or Aeon Flux?

Anna Faris’ dress courtesy Hefty Cinch Sak:

Vampire shitfest “Twilight” took home five awards at the MTV Movie Awards last night while “Slumdog Millionaire” walked away empty-handed, confirming everyone’s suspicion that the next generation is full idiot twats that could benefit from a good tear-gassing. But despite the lack of mass-released lachrymatory agents, the show was still salvaged by “Bruno” actor Sacha Baron Cohen’s descent from on high ass-first into rapper Eminem’s unsuspecting face. Us Weekly says

Dressed in white wings and feathers and suspended by cables, he flew around the Gibson Amphitheatre [and] happened to land on Eminem, with his bare buttocks in the rapper’s face.

A visibly upset Eminem yelped. “Get the [fuck] off me!”

“Nice to meet you,” Cohen replied.

Eminem’s bodyguards then proceeded to pull Cohen off the rapper.

“Hey, don’t touch me! I’ve already got a boyfriend!” he yelled.

Once Cohen was off Eminem, the rapper jumped up and stormed out of the theater with his bodyguards.

Ooh, I bet that’s just like what the apostles saw when Jesus ascended into heaven. Except, you know, with more taint and freshly-waxed ball sack.

Actors Seth Rogen and James Franco made a big stink last night when they “pretended” to spark up a doobie on stage at the MTV Movie Awards. Seth and James claimed the fake J they shared was provided by MTV as part of a skit to announce the Best Summer Movie So Far category. The NY Daily News says

Before TV audiences could see them smoking, the cameras pulled to an extremely wide angle, and stayed that way until Rogen and Franco left the stage. “Kids, don’t really smoke fake weed like this,” Rogen told the crowd. Despite Rogen’s claim, the sweet scent wafting through the Gibson Amphitheatre suggested the herb was real.

MTV officials declined to comment on the dope-smoking stunt.

I see we’ve applied to the Howard Stern school of thought, where “shock value” magically equals “funny and cutting edge.” Instead of pretending to smoke pot, Seth and James should have maybe tried pretending to kill themselves instead. At least that might have actually been funny. Especially if there was a man in a bee costume who shrugged his shoulders and blurted, “Que idiotas!” before being hit in the groin with a football. 100 million Mexicans can’t be wrong!

For a list of the night’s winners, click here

Megan Fox as her usual foxy self:

Charlize Theron in the Tin Man’s lingerie collection:

Yawn. Lindsay Lohan:

Pretty in pink Liv Tyler with Mrs. Potato Head:

Anne Hathaway in pleather and Sarah Jessica Parker bringing back go go: