Supposedly, this hairy caterpillar* squatting so obscenely on Daniel Craig’s face is because of his role in the Broadway play “A Steady Rain”, which co-stars Hugh Jackman and begins previewing next week.  Honestly though, I refuse to accept that as a reasonable excuse.  This is not what James Bond is supposed to look like.  I mean Jesus, he looks like Martin Mull.  Colonel Mustard is no James Bond, Mr. Craig.  I strongly suggest you get that thing off your face posthaste, and never defile yourself this way again.  Good day, sir.  I SAID GOOD DAY!

*It was brought to my attention in the comments that a moustache of this calibre should be known as a “Dirt Squirrel”.  I apologise for this shocking gap in my follicular vocabulary.  Also: hee!

A prettier, less hirsute Daniel Craig:

John Travolta unveiled a dashing new mustache for his role as Ryder in the remake of the 1974 classic “The Taking of Pelham 123.” According to the Daily Mail

Joining Travolta in [an] all-star cast will be Oscar-winner Denzel Washington and James Gandolfini [as] the Mayor of New York, struggling to outwit crime boss Travolta, who is holding the city to ransom.

Oh, yeah. That moustache really screams “boss of a group of mobsters.” Only replace the word “boss” with “queen” and the word “mobsters” with “an Indian, a sailor, and a cowboy in buttless chaps.” A stirring biopic chronicling the rise and fall of the disco era. Rated R for language, drug usage, and super-duper overt gayness.

On the set and at Michael Eisner’s Walk of Fame induction: