^{More of her showing off the tattoos she wore in 2009′s “The Town”}

Whoever hacked into Blake Lively’s cell phone and leaked all those nekkid pics online got a little incensed after her publicist publicly announced that the photos were “100% fake” and that “Blake has never taken nude photos of herself,” because he leaked several more photos last night (albeit not as naked, but with a whole lot more visible face) and now these pics surfaced this morning, all tagged with the mocking caption “Oh, yes, Blake’s rep. These are totally fake. We really, really believe you. Want moar? BTW, thanks for all the faps.” Or in layman’s terms, “PWNED, biyatch!”

UPDATE: Photos have been removed at the request of Blake Lively’s attorneys.

Five pics of a supposedly nude pre-Gossip Girl (and pre-nose job) Blake Lively surfaced this evening, and I’m inclined to believe they’re the real deal. A) The facial mole matches up, and B) it’s the same iPhone she was photographed with last year. Also, my grandma once told me if I believed in something hard enough, I could make it be. I think she was talking about me getting my GED, but I’m hoping it works for naked celebrity pictures, too.

UPDATE: Photos have been removed at the request of Blake Lively’s attorneys.

Now I can cross “Google Betty White nude” off my “Things I’ll Never Do” list. My parents must be so fucking proud right now.

I don’t know if these leaked topless photos of a pregnant Jessica Alba are real or not, but it’s not really my job to know, now is it? My job here is to bring them to you and gently lay them at your feet, like a faithful dog bringing you a dead bird. And by God, I’m not going to let you down. Not on my watch.

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Have you ever said to yourself, “You know, there’s a startling absence of Kanye West dong in my life?” Well, your wait is almost over, dear readers! Radar Online says:

Kanye West has been embarrassingly caught with his pants down in a nude photo scandal.

The self-snapped pictures of the music icon’s private parts were reportedly sent to a number of women, and are now for sale and being shopped to various media outlets.

One image shows a nude Kanye from the chest up, while the second photo shows the singer’s genitals provocatively exposed from his boxer briefs.

I don’t know how one “provocatively” exposes their wiener. What, is it winking coyly at the camera? Giving its best come-hither stare? Wearing a see-through negligee and pouting? I guess if you’re Kanye West, even your genitals have to showboat.

As soon as the wiener pics make their way to the interwebs I’ll post them, but for now, enjoy these staged photos of Kanye conveniently “running into” Kim Kardashian while she films her stupid show in NY:

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

Tiger Woods’ attorneys have gone ahead and put the kibosh on the airing of any nude photos and videos of their disgraced client. TMZ says

Tiger Woods’ lawyers sent a letter to multiple papers and blogs stating the court order “prevents the publication of any photographs, footage or images taken or obtained of the claimant [Tiger] naked or any naked parts of the claimant’s [Tiger's] body or of him involved in any sexual activity.”

But then they throw in this little disclaimer:

“This order is not to be taken as any admission that any such photographs exist, and in the event they do exist they may have been fabricated, altered, manipulated and/or changed to create the false appearance and impression that they are nude photographs of our client.”

Translation: oh, they’re out there — just give it time. The internet bows to no man. Once nekkid pics surface, they’re impossible to squelch. It’d be like trying to catch a cloud and pin it down. And how do you solve a problem like Maria? A flibbertijibbet! A will-o’-the wisp! A clown! There. Now it’s in your head the rest of the day, too. Stupid Sound of Music. But I digress…

On to nobler pastures, Tiger was also paying for a lot of the pussy he was raking in. As in hookers. E! Online says

The owner of a now-defunct VIP escort service [Michelle Braun] says that she counted Woods among her celebrity clients and that the golfer “had a pretty big appetite for women.”

Two of [her] former employees were porn actress Holly Sampson and onetime Trashy Lingerie model Jamie Jungers. Neither Sampson nor Jungers could be reached for comment about their involvement with Braun, who gave E! News copies of [their] 1099 tax forms [from] last year.

Woods [was] always “smart enough” to pay in cash, she said. The golfer, in particular, “liked to communicate by text message.”

Woods spent three weekends in Vegas with her girls over the years, dropping $30,000 to $40,000 per trip.

First cocktail waitresses, then porn stars, now hookers — he’s pretty much run the gamut when it comes to your run-of-the-mill whore. All that’s left to surface now are donkeys and German transvestite dominatrices. I give it ’till the end of next week.

The Dirty already gave you a little taste of this, but now it’s getting national attention: Tiger Woods may have a number of bastard children on the way. According to the National Enquirer

A disgraced Tiger Woods is terrified that the worst news is yet to come – that he fathered love children with his mistresses!

The golf great had wild unprotected sex with a string of mistresses and now he fears claims that his out-of-control sexual proclivities may have produced children.

“That would be the final straw for his wife – AND Tiger knows it,” said an insider. “But there is definitely more than one woman out there who could come forward to say she had his babies.”

And even better, one of his unnamed whores is claiming to have sold naked pictures of Tiger to Playgirl, and now there’s even a sex tape in the mix:

The bombshell charge that could wreck what’s left of his once squeaky-clean image, sink his badly tattered marriage and destroy his multimillion-dollar endorsement empire — his many liaisons may have been caught on tape!

The 33-year-old sports star is reportedly worried that a lurid sex tape could [wind up on the internet]. At least one of the women [with whom he had an affair is said to have] shot homemade videos of romps with [the golfer].

Tiger’s frantic handlers are scrambling to bury any talk of sex tapes, minimize the damage and perform CPR on his image.

He’s gone from being the clean-cut patron saint of golf to porking skanks he met in a truck stop bathroom off I-40. I don’t think “image CPR” is going to cut it. Maybe a defibrillator or seventeen, powered by gamma rays produced by nuclear fusion in hydrogen core of the sun. And even then, the odds aren’t good. Unless he finds a cure for childhood cancer and figures out how to make every day Christmas for the next 20 year, his endorsement deals are pretty much over.