I feel like I’ve been apologizing a lot to you guys lately, because posting’s been a little irregular at best the last day two days week, and I’ve got no one to blame but myself. Well, myself, and also the jerks down at Landry’s Wholesale Fireworks. It’s really not my fault that an entire row of single-fuse repeaters were right at cigarette-level. Nor is it my fault that Axe Body Spray has chemical properties of a class 4 accelerant. But you know how people love to point fingers.

So, anyway, here’s a picture of Michelle Williams and Sarah Silverman totally naked in “Take this Waltz.” You’re probably still mad at me and all, but it’s a start. And there’s plenty more Michelle Williams/Sarah Silverman nudity to be had below. I even disguised the NSFW screen caps as puppy pictures so it could be our little secret. Face it — nobody will ever take care of you like me, baby. We’re good together. That’s why we can’t break up. And also because I will hunt you down and kill you if you ever try to leave me again. I have your IP addresses, you know!

NSFW screen caps from Take this Waltz:

Big, important news today — former Playmate of the Year Jenny McCarthy will be putting her puss back on display for the jerk-off mag that made her a household name back in the nineties. That ought to cure her kid’s autism right there. Star Pulse says:

Jenny McCarthy is baring all again for Playboy one more time as she prepares to celebrate her 40th birthday in November.

The model and actress kicked off her career with a Playboy pictorial in 1993 and went on to become that year’s Playmate of the Year. She has returned for spreads in the men’s magazine over the years and… will now appear naked in the July 2012 issue of the magazine.

Playboy is so damn heavy-handed with the airbrushing that the only way you’ll be able to distinguish whether the naked pictures you’re looking at are of Jenny McCarthy at age 24 or Jenny McCarthy at age 40 is by the amount of pubic hair she’s sporting. She’s got enough growth in the ’93 pictures to actually cast a pubic hair shadow. So the more hair you see, the younger she is in the photo. It’s sorta like counting rings on a tree, except way sexier.

Obviously NSFW old Playboy pics here + more pics of her at Upfronts after the jump:

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Sorry about the erratic posting today and yesterday. I didn’t want to tell you this, because I know how you worry, but… I was the victim of a hate crime. Yes. Two nights ago after I did a pub crawl with a couple of friends, someone broke into my house, overturned several pieces of furniture, put frozen lasagna still in the box in the oven on broil, which ultimately set fire to the kitchen. They also pissed in my bed and barfed in my hair. If that’s not a hate crime, I don’t know what is. Somehow I slept through the whole thing, so I assume they were ninjas or maybe Navy SEALs.

Anyway, I’m gonna post tomorrow, too, to make up for the lack of consistent snark, so check back. I also have more pics of former Playboy model Shauna Sand out on the beach, totally blowing some guy and then fucking him right there in front of the paparazzi on the beach. I don’t think her daughters will be as ashamed of their mother’s whoring as much as they’re ashamed that she would fuck a guy wearing acid-washed daisy dukes. I doubt they’ll ever fully recover.

UPDATE: Now with twice the denim hot pants fun!

In case the giant stars didn’t tip you off, these pics are so, SO NSFW:

When I say “topless model jumping up and down on the beach,” a haughty women’s fashion magazine wouldn’t be the first periodical to come to mind. Yet there Bar Refeali is in all her naked bouncy toplessness in the April edition of Elle Espana. Don’t get me wrong — I’m all for buoyant naked supermodels and shameless pandering — but Elle magazine’s target demographic is women aged 18 – 49. That makes about as much sense as a bunch of pics of a man in a banana hammock with a perfectly waxed chest in “Field & Stream.”

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38-year-old mother-of-four Heidi Klum gets naked for next month’s Allure, claiming never have succumbed to the lure of a surgeon’s knife. She tells the magazine:

“I’m proud to be able to say, in this day and age, I haven’t done anything. Everyone has a view of what’s not pretty and [plastic surgery] just doesn’t look pretty to me. Especially when I see it on really young girls.

I don’t want to name names, but it’s like, wow, I remember you five years ago, looking to me so beautiful, and now it’s like … who is this person? And I know girls half my age who do it. What are they gonna do at 40 or 50, when the shit really hits the fan?”

I can tell you exactly what they’re gonna do at 40 or 50 “when the shit hits the fan” and the slow wilt of age and gravity sets in — it’s called “mood elevators” and “wine.” Luckily, I’ve already gotten a preemptive head start on both. Not to mention all that human growth hormone I ordered off the internet!

Remember how Paz de la Huerta was naked before? Yeah, well, she’s still naked. Calling her a one-trick pony would be an insult to ponies everywhere.

No.3 Saguaro Series James Macari photoshoot:

Fanboys are all a-twitter today because Warner Brothers released the first full pic of Anne Hathaway in her Catwoman costume in “The Dark Knight Rises” (click here for the full-length version). They also released some of Bane and Batman, too, but really probably as more of a courtesy to “certain actors” *cough* Christian Bale *cough* so he didn’t get his feelings hurt. We all know how sensitive “certain actors” can be.

Anne Hathaway might be in a skintight leather suit, but Paz de la Huerta is completely naked. Check and mate, Catwoman!

Now there are ten more pics of “Boardwalk Empire’s” Paz de la Huerta flapping her ass cheeks all over creation in a black and white photo shoot for some snooty foreign photographer, and naturally I assumed you’d want to see them. Unless of course you’re one of those people who believes there’s such a thing as TOO much ass, in which case you are dead to me. And also probably gay.

See more of her nude here, here and here:

Paz de la Huerta might be famous, but she starts her day just like the rest of us — bent over with her ass cheeks spread. Welcome to corporate America, Paz!

Paz de la Huerta spreading it all over Cafe de Flore in Paris for photographer Olivier Zahm:

Nadya Suleman is defending her decision to pose topless for those photos that appeared in British magazine Closer, who says she got paid a measely $8,000. But what about us? I say everyone who saw them should receive compensation for pain and suffering. Says Digital Spy,

Appearing on Anderson, Suleman admitted that she “did it for money”.

“I got $8,000 (£5,000),” she said. “I have to do what I have to do to take care of my family, and I’m not ashamed. I’m not ashamed at all.”

She continued: “You have to learn to let go of everyone’s perspective of you because you cannot please the world. You have to please your God – He’s the only one I have to answer to really, at the end of the day – myself, and my children… I have never sacrificed my morals and values.”

Suleman also confirmed reports that she is struggling to keep up with mortgage payments and revealed that she will be moving shortly as she is about six months behind.

“I’m supposed to be the owner of the home,” she said. “But unfortunately I have been, like many other people, struggling, and it’s been very hard to keep up with the mortgage payments. And I’ve been late many months now.”

You wouldn’t be in such a financial bind if you didn’t have a fucking zoo to feed. I hate it when people do shit and then try to get off the hook by dragging God into it. Lady, when God said, “be fruitful and multiply”, I don’t think you’re exactly what he had in mind.

Because fucking with people is what I do best, here are a couple more shots, now with nip!

Remember how I said I hated you before? Apparently, I really meant it.

Mother-of-fourteen Nadya Suleman topless in Closer magazine:

That embarrassing itch you can’t scratch? Not if you’re Paz de la fucking Huerta, baby.