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I’m glad PETA has finally seen the light and done something that can actually resonate with the non-psychotic-and-hopelessly-misguided rest of us normal people. We could give a shit about the way the Colonel fries his chicken or how many crepuscular rodents have to die to make one floor-length chinchilla coat, but we really, really care about boobs. In fact, the only thing we seem to care about more than boobs are vaginas. 260 million pages of archived erotic content can’t be wrong!

Keely from the back:

It’s a sad state of affairs when these nude pictures of Shannan Click are the most exciting thing that’s happened all day. Just who the hell is Shannan Click, you ask? Well, she’s a Victoria’s Secret model, and, um… let’s see…. she’s naked, so there’s that. Also boobs. Plenty-o-boobage here. Four out of five men surveyed agreed that’s all you ever really need to know.

Most of these are NSFW:

Former Miss California Carrie Prejean made it sound like her sex tape was an isolated incident, but it turns out there are actually eight videos of Carrie working over her Holy of Holies, along with thirty nude photos of the pageant star. Radar Online says

She called the sex tape “the biggest mistake of her life.”

Now an investigation has uncovered that there are SEVEN more “biggest mistakes” of her life – all of them solo performances, just like the one sex tape that the religious beauty queen has admitted to. And there are 30 photos of Carrie, most topless, some showing everything, and most taken by Carrie using her reflection in a mirror.

She might have lost out on her pageant settlement because of those tapes, but porn company Vivid Entertainment is now offering Ms. Prejean a hefty settlement to sign over the rights to the video for public distribution. According to TMZ

Vivid honcho Steven Hirsch [contacted] Prejean’s lawyer, Charles Limandri, [and asked] to acquire the rights to distribute “erotic footage that Carrie Prejean produced for her boyfriend following their four day rendezvous in February 2007.”

In the letter, Hirsch tries tempting Carrie with this: “We would like to present Carrie with several options where she could certainly earn millions of dollars.”

[However, Prejean's] attorney says Carrie’s mom/rep says, “No, at any price.”

Given the nature of all this, I really enjoyed the following quote from her new book “Still Standing”: “God gave us our bodies, our temples of the Holy Spirit, and it’s perfectly right that we use them in ways where we can give glory to God.” Hell, I didn’t know masturbating was giving glory to God. Mom and Dad always acted like it was a sin. This is really going to change the way I do Mass.

Ten years after his other famous-people-naked book “A Private View” was published, reknown photographer Sante D’Orazio has published a followup entitled “Barely Private,” which, as the title suggests, is mostly pictures of celebrities baring their privates. Like Eva Mendes here with her nipple hanging out (click header image for NSFW above) and showing off visible bush in a pair of see-through panties (click image for possibly NSFW below). Sold and sold! Amazon.com says

Sante D’Orazio returns with a second volume of photo-diary-scrapbook, covering 1997 to 2008. Uncensored and provocative, D’Orazio [photographed] celebrities, models, musicians, actors and artists in various states of undress.

Included are Kate Moss, Naomi Campbell, Claudia Schiffer, Diane Kruger, Tricia Helfer, Stephanie Seymour, Liz Hurley, Jay-Z, Mickey Rourke, Angelina Jolie, Christina Aguilera, Pam Anderson, Keith Richards, Axl Rose, Damien Hirst, Julian Schnabel and many more.

Finally, something appropriately named! So many books and movies nowadays have such misleading titles. Like an “An American Tail” and “Free Willy,” for starters. Don’t even bother trying to get your money back at Blockbusters, because all they’ll do is laugh and point at you.

Former Bond girl Eva Green gives a whole new meaning to the term “buffing the table.” I’d like to wax her floor and vacuum her lampshade, if you know what I mean! Cause I sure as hell don’t.

Completely NSFW naked in “The Dreamers:

Some chick you’ve never heard of before from the “Twilight” series got naked for this PETA ad (click header for NSFW version). Try not to wet your pants from excitement. The NY Daily News says

Expressing solidarity with all things cute and cuddly, 19-year-old Christian Serratos appears in the woods of what looks like none other than Forks, Washington. This appearance makes Serratos the youngest person to pose naked in a PETA ad.

So talking about taking pictures of increasingly younger naked teen girls is okay now? That’s good to know. My parole officer is always acting like it’s some kind of social faux pas to bring it up in dinner conversation. Only his words were more like “direct violation of Federal Child Exploitation Laws” and “felony charge and a minimum of five years in jail.” That guy really needs to get with the program.

At the Nylon magazine launch party a few months back:

PHOTO SOURCE: Pacific Coast News

You better not ever, ever make fun of Kate Winslet, or she’ll go and sue you for forty grand and somehow win. The technical legal term for said phenomenon is “crybaby puss.” According to Us Magazine

On Tuesday London’s High Court awarded the actress 25,000 British pounds (about $40,000 in American currency) in libel damages from the Daily Mail [for their] January article entitled “Should Kate Winslet win an Oscar for the world’s most irritating actress?” which she said “hurt and embarrassed” her. [The article also] claimed that Winslet, 34, lied about her exercise routine.

In a statement, Winslet said, “I was particularly upset to be accused of lying about my exercise regime and felt that I had a responsibility to request an apology in order to demonstrate my commitment to the views that I have always expressed about body issues, including diet and exercise. To suggest that I was lying was an unacceptable accusation of hypocrisy.”

Back in grade school, we had the remedy for this sort of tattletale-type behavior. It was called “the purple nurple” and “the swirly.” Too bad she’s no longer bound by the rules of afternoon recess.

Kelly Brook topless in her debut performance in “Calendar Girls,” because we’ve already seen (NSFW) Kate Winslet’s tits, and frankly, (NSFW) they’re disgusting:

PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer-Griffin

The Japenese live longer, do better on international mathematics assessment tests, make better cars, and now they do haute couture better, too. Damn. The Asian philosophy of kaizen must go double for boobies!

Daria Werbooby Werbowy in the December issue of Japanese Vogue (all thumbs NSFW):

Heidi Klum’s new coffee table book “Heidilicious” shows the supermodel in a variety of interesting poses, including several of her naked and covered in chocolate. A perfect gift for the diabetic in your life! Amazon.com says

Whether as a sultry sex kitten or sophisticated femme fatale, this tribute by one of Ms. Klum’s favorite photographers, Rankin, captures her many moods and personas. This photographic master has a unique insight to this unparalleled fashion icon, gaining a variety of fascinating answers to the question, “What is Heidi really like?”

I don’t know about you, but after looking at this, that 3 Musketeers bar in my purse just isn’t going to cut it. “Get carried away!” my ass.

One girl, no cup:

If you want to see a waste of a perfectly good naked woman, try on next month’s Details magazine for size. You’ll find American Idol runner-up and notorious flamer Adam Lambert doing his best hetero impression all over a beautiful naked female model inside. I just don’t get it. Adam Lambert is gay, and Details magazine is gay… it doesn’t make any sense. The only way a naked woman is going to appeal to that target demographic is if there’s an article about the sophisticated old world charm wainscoting adds to a room and a recipe for the perfect risotto al Barolo printed on her backside.

I’m back, bitches! Hope your enjoyed your week with Sonya at the helm. And I also hope you didn’t get to used to actual quality writing, because it’s back to guzzling at the teat of the lowest common denominator now that I’m here! TMZ says

The sex tape starring Shauna Sand is being delayed a week — and it all has to do with whether or not Shauna signed on the dotted line.

Vivid Entertainment says it plans to counter Shauna’s cease and desist letter by bringing in a handwriting expert to prove the release they have is authentic.

And of course, if turns out to be her signature, it will be the only part of Shauna Sand that actually is real. I’m pretty sure the rest of her won’t biodegrade for another 10,000 years.

If you wished upon a star and your blow-up sex doll became a real boy (last two thumbs NSFW):

Christina Aguilera really knows how to boost her man’s confidence! Nothing says “I love you” like a backhanded insult to your manhood. I bet that really gives her husband Jordan Bratman a raging soft-on. Says The Sun,

The Beautiful star says she’d much rather spend time admiring the naked form of a female than a fella.

Christina insists Jordan - father of her 20-month-old son Max - is the one who “ultimately” presses all the right buttons.

But she’s adamant girls are “sexier” to look at.

She said: “I feel sexiest in the nude. I think women are such sensual beings.

“I mean, I’m attracted to men ultimately - I’m married and I love my husband and I love what we do together.

“But honestly, if I had the choice between viewing a naked man or a naked woman, I’d choose the woman.

“We’re just naturally sexier and more beautiful to look at.”

Well, as long as she ultimately remembers that she’s attracted and married to a man, what she does in the meantime doesn’t really matter, does it?

Picking out pumpkins with son Max: