The American Music Awards were last night, but I didn’t watch them because I would rather watch zombies nom on brains (Walking Dead, anyone?). Speaking of dead people, did you know that as a body decomposes, it fills with gas, often resulting in the body farting and burping? I make this point because if you stuck a kazoo up a corpse’s ass, it would probably manage to make better music than what was being celebrated last night. Case in point: Justin Bieber swept up awards last night. Says Time News Feed:

Starting with Bieber, he won entertainer of the year, breakthrough artist of the year, favorite pop/rock male and favorite pop/rock album for My World 2.0. “I come from the smallest town in the world, of like 30,000 people; I never thought this was possible,” he gushed, before paying tribute to the late King of Pop. “I want to thank Michael Jackson, because without Michael Jackson none of us would be here.”

Hee-hee-hee. No music would exist without MJ? It’s the new music Gospel they’re teaching kids these days. “In the beginning was Michael Jackson, and the music was with God, and the music was Michael Jackson. He was God in the beginning. Through him all music was made; without him no music was made that has been made.” MJ 1:1-3. I think I hear all the music greats prior to MJ collectively turning in their graves.

A zombie’s smörgåsbord:

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Nathan Fillion

There are no decent new pictures today of anyone who matters, so I have to go retro for your daily dose of pretty, my sweets.  Since change is never any fun unless you go all out and embrace the revolution, today’s pretty will be man-pretty.  Any complaints about this can be directed to your mother.  Please be sure to tell her that she raised you wrong.

Nathan Fillion’s new show “Castle” kind of blows, but I am nevertheless torn between wishing it gets high enough ratings to stay on the air and keep him working, and wishing it gets canceled so he’s available for more decent projects.  In the meantime, let’s avoid all the head-hurty thinking and just ogle Captain Hammer.

The hammer is his penis:

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