It’s official: Michael Jackson’s family is turning Neverland Ranch into a public amusement park, probably because they couldn’t legally charge people to sniff the air over his grave. The New York Post says

The King of Pop’s loved ones could open Neverland to the public as early as Christmas, under an ambitious timeline set by its owners, private equity firm Colony Capital, and brother Jermaine Jackson.

The family and developers have even agreed to consider various names to call and trademark the sprawling 2,676-acre estate.

In addition to the roller coaster and ferris wheel that are already in place, look for new attractions like the Touch-Me-Go-Round — feel like a kid again as you ride in plaster replica’s of Michael’s lap! — and the Joe Jackson’s Wack-a-Jack — club those Jacksons sterile as they pop out of the hole. Bonus points if you hit Tito!

Family-sanctioned and eerily realistic Thriller doll:

PHOTO SOURCE: Splash News

Everyone’s speculating about when and where Michael Jackson’s funeral will be held, but one thing’s for sure — it’s not going to be at Neverland. TMZ says

The Jackson family is officially stating that there will be no public or private viewing at Neverland. Plans are underway regarding a public memorial for Michael Jackson [instead].

In other news, Michael’s will was filed yesterday, in which it was revealed that singer Diana Ross is to care for his three children if his mother Katherine Jackson is unable to. According to the Daily Mail

Diana Ross has been named in Michael Jackson’s will as guardian to his three children in the event his 80-year-old mother is unable to care for them.

In the five-page document lodged in the Los Angeles high court yesterday, Jackson makes no mention of wanting his ex-wife Debbie Rowe to play any role in raising the children, [stating] his marriage to Rowe has been dissolved and [barring] her from receiving a penny from his estate.

Lawyers agreed that most surprising of all was that Bubbles the Chimp had not been named as executor of the estate in the will. Bubbles was only listed as an alternate guardian in the event that Ms. Ross was unable to care for the children. That’s practically a slap in the face to a simian.

UPDATE: TMZ is reporting that the memorial will be held tomorrow at 10:00 at the Staples Center in Los Angeles, saying “1,000 tickets will be distributed free of charge to the general public.”