Miley Cyrus added to her “love” ear tattoo and “just breathe” rib cage tattoo with an equally-inspired heart tattoo on her pinky finger this week. Maybe nobody told her above-the-knuckle tattoos are usually reserved for the convicted felon and the gang member. At least Joaquin Phoenix had the good sense to do his with a pen. Dumbass.
Dressed like a goth soccer player with her brother Braison:
Rihanna got a new neck tattoo at Eastside Ink in New York earlier this week, and now that the bandage is off, we can finally see what she had etched permanently into her skin: “rebelle fleur.” Loosely translated, “I do anal.” I just wish more people came with easy-read labels like Rihanna. It’s a real time saver on blind dates and eHarmony profiles. I went ahead and made you a handy guide for interpreting the most common types tattoos you might come across, just for reference:
WHAT YOUR TATTOO SAYS ABOUT YOU
TRAMP STAMP — I’ll make out with another girl if you get me drunk enough.
TRIBAL SYMBOL — If I were any more unoriginal, I’d be Carlos Mencia.
IN LOVING MEMORY — I pay for my meth in food stamps.
THUG LIFE — I wish I were black, but I’m white and I went to private school.
SKULL AND/OR CROSSBONES — I have a high school equivalency and a credit score of 409.
JESUS WITH A CROWN OF THORNS — I’m Mexican!
YIN-YANG — I was supposed to be an abortion, but my mom waited too late.
CONFEDERATE FLAG — I can skin an entire possum in 45 seconds
TOPLESS WOMAN — I’m a World War II veteran (or Amy Winehouse)
DRAGON — I can fully explain the difference between a mage and a paladin
Lindsay Lohan’s dad Michael did what any good father fearing for his daughter’s well-being would do yesterday — he went on the Maury Povich show to talk about what a used-up dead-inside whore she is. If only more dads would follow in his footsteps! TMZ says
First Mike called Lindsay a “hollow person” … then claimed there was “nothing left in her” — and finally said he “couldn’t even look at her.”
The show was called “You’re 14 … Stop Lap Dancing and Trying to Get Pregnant.”
You just can’t beat Maury Povich for a good episode title. Just for fun, I made a little test to gauge your Povich-prowess. Only three of the following ten episode titles are made up. The rest are all too real. See if you can guess which ones are the fakes! Answers after the jump.
10. Can You Save Me? I Am Terrified of Cotton Balls and Frogs!
9. I’ve Had Plastic Surgery 60 Times… I Want More
8. My Fiancee Needs to Know… I’m a Bisexual Elvis-Impersonator!
7. Shot In The Face And Set On Fire…I’m Lucky To Be Alive
6. I’m an Overweight Teen with Parkinson’s and I Won’t Stop Having Sex
5. 36 Men Tested… I’ll Prove You’re The Father Today
4. My 5 Year Old Weighs 212 Pounds
3. Violent Teen Girls Who Beat Their Families…Caught on Tape!
2. I Need to Tell You… I Was Born with Both Male and Female Genitalia
1. My Fear of Mustard and Pickles is Ruining My Life
