51-year old Madonna paws at her crotch and thrusts her way through her new video “Celebration,” which also boasts the “talents” of boyfriend Jesus Luz and her preteen daughter Lourdes. The Daily Mail says

Luz, posing as a topless DJ, ends up kissing the mother-of-four before the scene cuts to a troupe of breakdancers – including Madonna’s 12-year-old daughter Lourdes.

If you can’t bear watching the video (I only could because somebody’s paying me to), there’s a “spoken word portion” in which Madge whispers to Luz

Haven’t I seen you somewhere before? You look familiar… You wanna dance? Yeah?
I guess I just don’t recognize you with your clothes on. What are you waiting for?

Yeah, what are you waiting for, Jesus? Her Geritol to kick in? High five!

Duffman, thrusting:

Here is the official music video for Beyonce’s new song “Diva” off her I Am… Sasha Fierce¹ album. Honest to God. It’s not an SNL digital short. This piece of shit is the real music video. Oh, and before I forget, Chris Gaines called. He wants his career-ending gimmick back.

¹_{And what’s with name “Sasha Fierce,” anyway? Was the name “Max Power” already taken? It’s a name you would love to touch… but you mustn’t touch!}

In next month’s Elle magazine: