There isn’t a sweaty Greek man in assless chaps mounting Nick Jonas from behind in this picture, but it’s still probably the gayest thing you’ll see all day. Unless you’re looking in a mirror, that is. Oh, snap! No she dih-ent! That’s right — I went there. Consider yourself pwned.
PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer Griffin Online
This is exactly what I imagined the Jonas Brothers would look like if they attempted to play football. All that’s missing are the matching parasols and a pair of peep-toe pumps.
Actual tag from the picture — not making this up: The Jonas Brothers play a game of football in between scenes for “Chasing the Butterflies”:
PHOTO SOURCE: Pacific Coast News
Oh hey look, one of The Jonas Brothers got married. Not The Middle One (aka The Gay One) and not The Little One; it was The Old One. I know that even squeeing tween Jonas Brothers fans don’t care about The Old One, but apparently People Magazine doesn’t know that, because his wedding photo is on their cover like it’s important or something. But oh mah gawd, y’all, you HAVE to see the article they wrote about it, because this wedding was pretty much the fruitiest thing since Sunny Delight:
Kevin Jonas and Danielle Deleasa’s wedding earlier this month was like a fairy tale – complete with a castle, an enchanted forest and glass slippers in the bride’s shoe size, a gift from the groom.
“I knew that my princess needed her glass slippers and her castle,” Jonas told PEOPLE of the nuptials.
“I always wanted my wedding to have that princess feel,” adds the new Mrs. Jonas. “I couldn’t have imagined this,” she says of her lavish wedding Dec. 19 at Oheka Castle in Huntington, New York.
Despite a blizzard blanketing the roads around the castle, the wedding went forward without a hitch, and the bride, escorted by her father Thomas “Bucky” Deleasa, walked down the aisle to “Bella Notte,” from Lady and the Tramp, played on the guitar by a friend of the Jonas family. “I’m an Italian girl. It just fit me and my dad,” said Danielle of the song choice.
She wore GLASS SLIPPERS, you guys. And her dad’s name is Bucky and she walked down the aisle to a song from goddamn Lady and the Tramp. That’s like a clinical level of retardation. Which I suppose means this marriage is serendipitous, since Old Jonas looks clinically retarded.
Miley Cyrus and Justin Gaston are through with their pedophilic shenanigans. I guess either his shelf life expired or she got too old for him. Either that or she got bored with playing out her daddy issues for the international press. From E! Online:
The 16-year-old starlet has ended her nine-month romance with the 20-year-old underwear model, sources close to the duo exclusively confirm to E! News.
The Hannah Montana star called things off last week as she prepared to leave Los Angeles for two months to shoot her Nicholas Sparks movie, The Last Song, in Savannah, Ga.
Speculation of trouble peaked yesterday when the two simultaneously twittered about tears and goodbyes.
A source close to the couple says both of them are really heartbroken over the split.
Well, that’s pretty lame and boring, but there’s apparently more to the story. Supposedly, it was a Jonas Brother who drove a wedge between the knicker dummy and the hillbilly:
Gaston, a Louisiana native, has told pals that the star’s resurrected friendship with Nick Jonas this spring was his Achilles’ heel.
“She obviously has been hanging out with Nick again a lot, and Justin was cool with it at first, as long as it was just a cool, friendly thing,” says an insider. “She didn’t cheat, but I guess Nick was trying to get her back the whole time.”
Yeah, that’s still totally boring. I can’t even put into words how little I care about some dirty old man panty mannequin’s angst, or about Hannah Montana and Little Jonas dry humping each other whilst praying or whatever. Everyone involved in this nonsense is creepy and disgusting.
Maybe she’s tired of being pedophile fodder. Maybe she’s tired of all the dirty, dirty things Justin Gaston wants her to do and the burning and itching afterwards, but word from the rumor mill is that Miley Cyrus wants to go back to her old boyfriend, the virginal Nick Jonas. NY Daily News reports,
“Miley and Nick want to get back together,” our source tells us. “Because they’re working together [on a new video], they’ve been put in close proximity to each other. They’re now spending more and more time together, and they’re constantly on the phone.”
When the two were photographed together on a lunch date at L.A.’s Village Idiot in mid-April, Miley laughed off rumors of a romance, using the “just friends” chestnut.
But do friends kiss and cuddle? When the two get together these days, their relationship hardly seems platonic. Says our insider, “Miley was over at the Jonas house recently, and they were smooching. Nick’s parents have this rule that when a girl is over, the door has to be open, but that didn’t stop Nick and Miley from making out.”
I’m still betting that Miley ends up either pregnant or in rehab by her 18th birthday. Maybe if her dad didn’t spend so much time styling his hair he could do something about that, but somehow I don’t see that happening. Man looks like a freaking Maltese dog.
Miley and Daddy Dearest at the UK Premiere of Hannah Montana: The Movie
In “Gayest Thing You’ll See All Day” news, The Jonas Brothers unveiled their retina-scarring wax figures at Madame Tussaud’s in Times Square today. No doubt they can’t wait until everyone leaves so they can stare wistfully at their replica selves and fondle each other in inappropriate shame.
You know what, I’m not really sure your psyches are quite sufficiently damaged. Let’s go in for some terrifying close-ups, shall we?
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