Jersey Shore star Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi is reportedly knocked up with boyfriend Jionni LaValle’s bastard child, and she already has big plans to whore out her pregnancy in a bid to become “the next Kourtney Kardashian.” There’s some serious aspiration for you. But MTV is none too happy about the news, because boozing and fighting and casual sex are Jersey Shore’s bread and butter, and nobody wants to see a pregnant chick doing any of that shit. Page Six says:
Polizzi, [who] is roughly three months along, has already brokered a deal to announce the news on the cover of Us Weekly after she shopped the story to several celebrity magazines..
But sources [reveal] that MTV is worried about how to manage the news, given that Polizzi’s hard-partying booze-swilling ways have just been turned into a “Jersey Shore” spinoff with Jenni “JWoww” Farley, which has begun shooting in New Jersey.
“MTV went into crisis mode after they found out,” said a source. “They’re trying to hide it because it would greatly affect the creative direction of the show. ”
How a fetus could actually gestate in that cesspool of a uterus is beyond me. I figured STDs would have rendered her sterile years ago. I guess it’s like Dr. Ian Malcolm said in “Jurassic Park” — life finds a way. Way to drop the ball, natural selection.
Nobody ever takes more than three pictures of this dumb skank at any event she attends, so it’s kinda a random assortment of pics of her over the last month — thumbnail 1 is her at the Bebe Black Collection Fall 2012 fashion show in New York, thumbs 2 and 3 are of her at the Grammys, and 4 & 5 are her arriving at the Live with Kelly show in New York:
This is supposedly a picture of “Jersey Shore’s” Snooki without makeup, meaning underneath all that slap, Nicole Polizzi is actually a Pacific Islander. You can tell by the shape of the eyes and the mustache.
Even though she’s denied they exist, the first of several naked photos of Jersey Shore’s Snooki has been made its way onto the interwebs via the magical portal known as NakedSnooki.com. The photo in question shows Snooki on all fours but strategically covered, and sucking in with vengeance only previously seen courtesy Britney Spears and a can of Cheez Whiz. Radar Online says
RadarOnline.com has seen several photos and they appear to be genuine. The background of the photos matches the background of photos Snooki has released via Twitter – and the background is her bedroom.
There is also a short video that exists. Most of the photos are strategically posed, hiding much of Snooki’s body.
The people in possession of the photos have chosen to remain anonymous so far. But they have registered a domain name and put the photo on a Web site, where RadarOnline.com has viewed it.
It is the one of the set of photos previously seen by RadarOnline.com.
Good God. I’ve never seen skin that color in my life. It’s like a cross between Donatella Versace and a well-oiled catcher’s mitt. Although from a distance, you’d really be hard-pressed to tell either of those two things apart.
Now that everybody has seen it 4,583 times in their official “Jersey Shore” promo (see above), MTV has suddenly decided to yank the footage of housemate Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi being punched in piehole from next week’s episode. MTV said in a written statement
“What happened to Snooki was a crime and obviously extremely disturbing. After hearing from our viewers, further consulting with experts on the issue of violence, and seeing how the video footage has been taken out of context not to show the severity of this act or resulting consequences, MTV has decided not to air Snooki being physically punched in the face.”
While they might not be showing it, the fight will still be addressed in the episode, which will also end with a message from the Teen Dating Abuse Helpline organization. Oh, that’s nice, isn’t it? Now it’s not a shameless hook for ratings; it’s an outreach to abused teens! I think Mammy from “Gone with the Wind” said it best: You can give yourself airs, and get yourself all rigged up like you were a race horse, but at the end of the day you’re still just a mule in a horse harness and you don’t fool anybody. MTV pretending it has some kind of moral fiber is like a hooker pulling out elbow-length gloves and and a pair of opera glasses before she sucks you off behind a Luby’s parking lot dumpster. Really, why even bother.
The Situation, JWoww, Pauly D and Snooki greasing it up Hollywood over the weekend:
When greasy buffoon Brad Ferro isn’t busy sucker-punching chicks in the face or dumping quarts of gel in his hair, he spends most of his time educating America’s youth courtesy of your tax dollars. We might as well go ahead and surrender to the Japanese now. According to Page Six
Ferro, 24, was arrested in late August for punching out [fellow Jersey Shore star] Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi at the Beachcomber Bar & Grill in Seaside Heights.
Ferro, a teacher at North Queens Community HS, was initially told to lay off the booze by bouncers at the bar because he seemed too drunk, [but] Ferro managed to stay inside the bar and [later] swiped shots belonging to Polizzi that had been placed on the bar top.
“That started a verbal altercation, after which he struck her in the face,” [police] said. “She sustained an injury to the inside of her mouth due to the punch.”
So he got drunk and punched her in the face? I don’t see what the big deal is. I’m pretty sure that’s just how men propose in Italy. I swear, people can be so ignorant of other cultures sometimes.
