If the giant adam’s apple hadn’t already convinced you that Nicolette Sheridan is really a tranny, that half of a scrotum bulging out of her panties oughta pretty much seal the deal.

Leaving Mr. Chow with David Spade:

PHOTO CREDIT: Mavrix Online

44 year-old Nicolette Sheridan was photographed leaving an L.A. coffee shop earlier this week bare-faced and make-up free. It’s definitely a different look for her. When asked for comment on her new au natural visage, she reportedly cackled, “Inkubus Sukkubus! May the Circle be open!” before turning several small children into newts and speeding away on her broom.

I’m not quite sure how Nicollette Sheridan looks that damn good in a bikini at the age of 44, but I have a hunch it involves a cyborg endoskeleton and the mass harvest of placenta. Fortunately, my stash of tinfoil hats and dryer vent hose suits will make me immune to her robot charms, and I already removed my uterus with a pick-ax months ago, so I’m pretty much golden when the reaping is nigh. You guys might want to look into that.

Nicolette post-harvest on the beach in Malibu:

Well, it’s New Year’s Eve, and since I can’t reach out there and punch you in the testicles, here’s the next best thing: old people sucking each other’s toes. Put that in your pipe and smoke it, 2008! The Daily Mail says

Docked in Sydney harbour on a hired yacht, Sting gently raised Trudie Styler’s left leg to his mouth - and sucked her toes. Their on-board exploits came as it emerged that the couple plan to throw a party at their estate in Wiltshire to renew their marriage vows after The Police’s world tour finishes.

I’m sure you’re asking yourself, “what could possibly be worse than staring at Sting fellating that old broad’s toes?” Why, staring at Nicolette Sheridan chowing down on Michael Bolton’s toes, of course!

That’s usually a face reserved for tearing the flesh from a turkey drumstick or chomping off another boxer’s ear, but old chicks must really dig nail fungus and athlete’s foot. Only Metamucil and “Murder, She Wrote” get their panties off quicker.