Leighton Meester went to the opening of Klutch nightclub in Miami last night, and she wore whatever the holy hell this thing is.  I can’t even figure out what’s going on here.  Are those ruffles?  Are they scallops?  I don’t understand.  It looks like someone folded an already-ugly dress into eighths and then went at with a scissors, the way little kids make paper snowflakes in kindergarten art class.  Did she buy this thing on Etsy?

Paris Hilton dropped $7.5 million earlier this year to turn an old building in Vegas into her very own Paris-themed nightclub. The only problem? Coming up with a name that says “Paris” without actually using the word “Paris.” “Twat” and “cooze” don’t count. According to Digital Spy

Hilton had hoped to call the club ‘Paris’, but her plans were thwarted when she discovered that a nearby casino already uses the same name.

An insider [said], “She’s now considering The Paris Hilton Nightclub instead. She has already paid for the lease which didn’t come cheap. The idea is to get the club up and running before the end of the year and to host the wildest New Year’s Eve party ever.”

It shouldn’t be that hard to come up with a club name that screams “Paris Hilton” without saying “Paris Hilton.” Hell, I can think of like ten potential Paris nightclub names right off the top of my head without even trying. Naturally, I made a list for you.

TOP TEN POTENTIAL PARIS HILTON NIGHT CLUB NAMES:

10. Wiener Junction

9. I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter

8. The Cocksbury

7. Cuntacabana

6. PID

5. Hyde-the-Sausage

4. Forty Douche

3. Bunghole 8

2. Koitus

And the number one potential Paris Hilton nightclub name:

1. STD 54

Paris in Copehagen hawking her accessories line: