Jesse James publicly offered up an excuse for his multiple affairs on ABC’s Nightline last night: his sad feelings about his dad beating him when he was a little kid made him do it. He said in the interview:

“Bike builder, Monster Garage TV star, all that stuff is a huge smokescreen so that people won’t see that I’m a scared, abused kid, a seven-year-old. [My father] beat my ass pretty good… I just remember, like, clinched teeth, strained-neck look on his face. My whole childhood, I was always scared.”

“[One time my dad was chasing me in the dark and] I tripped and snapped my wrist and I remember my dad laughed at me when I hit the ground and called me a dummy. I was petrified of my dad. I was a terrorized kid and, I mean, it’s really tough for me to think about now because… [my daughter] is the age that I was when my dad broke my arm.”

Unless his dad beat him with biker chick fetish magazines and white supremacist porn, I fail to see the correlation between his affairs and his abuse. I don’t buy into that whole culture of victimhood rhetoric. Your “feelings of worthlessness,” your “self-sabotage,” your “innate struggle between Eros and Thanatos” — all of it’s bullshit, every last bit of it. You want to assign blame, you need to start pointing the finger where it belongs: at the Jews.

Watch the interview after the jump.

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Jesse James’ much-anticipated interview is set to air on Nightline tonight, and a few more teaser clips have been dribbled out of Good Morning America’s urethra and into the adult diaper that is the internet (see above). If you’re wondering why he’s coming forward now, Jesse says it’s because the photos of him playing Nazi that surfaced last month unfairly portrayed him as a racist and an anti-Semite. Us Magazine says

“Dealing with losing my marriage and my son and embarrassing everyone and decimating my life… but to be called a racist on top of that is, it makes me really sad,” he said.

Of the photos, James said, “I could tell by the look on my face it was a joke that was funny then, probably for a minute, but then looking at it in the context of now and in my life, it’s not funny. There’s not a racist bone in my body.”

When asked why he adopted a black child, James said he “didn’t care what color” the baby was. “My only prerequisite for adopting a baby: I want the baby that needs us the most.”

But he “threw away” their “amazing marriage” and “wanted to get caught… [Sandra] had her suspicions, but, you know, I lied, and lied my way out of it,” he said. “I lied to everyone about everything, even to myself.”

That’s right — he didn’t care what color the baby was. Just so long as it wasn’t a goddamn dirty Jew baby. And you can quote him on that one.

Kim Kardashian went on Nightline last night to address those persistent allegations that she’s undergone plastic surgery (video after the jump). Us Magazine says

“I’m totally not against plastic surgery,” she explains. “I’ve tried Botox before. That’s the only thing that I’ve done. I’ve never had my nose done. It’s my biggest insecurity. I always want to get my nose done… I went to the doctor, I had them take the pictures, he showed me what it would look like and it just didn’t — I wouldn’t look the same.”

What about her famous cleavage?

“Trust me honey,” she jokes. “if I take this bra off you will tell me I need to get them done.”

Yep, Kim Kardashian is totally 100% all natural. Except for the Botox, I mean. Oh, and the hair. The hair isn’t hers, either. And her skin’s not really that color. And the eyelashes are fake. Other than that, though, she’s all real. Just like my 24-karat imitation gold ring with genuine cubic zirconia inlay.

Being natural as ever in L.A. earlier this month:

PHOTO SOURCE: Pacific Coast News

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Sandra Bullock’s soon-to-be ex-husband Jesse James will be giving his first public interview since news of his multiple affairs broke earlier this year. Entertainment Tonight says

James is going on the record in a new TV interview with ABC’s “Nightline” on Tuesday, May 25. He’ll answer questions about his marital indiscretions and his time in rehab, [including] why he cheated on his Oscar-winning wife and what role he’ll have in her newly adopted baby son Louis Bardo Bullock’s life.

But nobody on Nightline better refer to him as “the most hated man in America,” because it’s not on his list of Jesse-James-approved insults. According to TMZ

Jesse James he no longer wants to be referred to as a Nazi … or as that dumbass who cheated on Sandra Bullock.

James is making his plea to an L.A. County Superior Court judge, in a case where Jesse is accused of screwing over a clothing company.

In the docs, Jesse asks the judge to exclude any evidence or mention of:

- Jesse’s sexual behavior
- The phrase “most hated man in America” to describe Jesse
- Any mention of the word “nazi” or “nazis” to describe Jesse
- The terms, “monster … skin head … racist … homophobe … prostitute … cheater”
- Bombshell McGee

Also prohibited: the terms “poopyhead,” “baldy,” “the great white way,” and “Kommandant Stinken Püssen.” I just want to know where my lawyer was when I was at recess in the third grade.

ABC ran a two-part investigation into Scientology last week that explored the allegedly violent tendencies of leader David Miscavige (as well as delving into the whole “aliens and volcanoes” crap on which their religion is based) in an interview with Scientology spokesperson Tommy Davis. But it seems Tommy got cold feet after the interview, because less than an hour before it was set to air, Tommy showed up unannounced at ABC’s studio in an attempt to get the segment squashed. Page Six says

In [the] interview, Martin Bashir asked Davis to comment on the church’s bizarre founding mythology, which involves an intergalactic god named Xenu who brought his people to Earth 75 million years ago and stuffed them in a volcano.

After telling Bashir he wouldn’t discuss “disgusting perversions” of the religion, Davis, with the camera still rolling, removed his microphone and stormed off the set. The dust-up was included in the piece.

But just 45 minutes before the segment was to air on Thursday, Davis showed up at ABC headquarters on West 67th Street and asked to speak to Bashir and the show’s executive producer.

“He demanded to a security guard that he be let in,” a network insider [said]. “He was told as politely as possible that the piece could not be changed. He was then asked to leave.” Adds the source, “He was not happy.”

All this comes hot on the heels of news that Oscar-winning “Crash” director Paul Haggis has publicly resigned from the church on the basis of their gay-bashing and escalating lies, and then there’s the matter of a $900,000 fraud conviction in France today. According to Yahoo News

The court convicted the Church of Scientology’s French office, its library and six of its leaders of organized fraud, [saying] the group pressured members into paying large sums of money for questionable financial gain and used “commercial harassment” against recruits.

Four of the leaders were given suspended sentences of between 10 months and two years. The other two were given fines.

Statistics indicate that he only way this religion could be more unappealing now is if it were somehow covered with bean curd and swastikas and served on the back of Margaret Cho’s thighs.

Part 2 of the interview after the jump.

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