If you squint hard and lean in from the left while tilting your monitor at a 45 degree angle, you can almost make out an eighth of Lea Michele’s nipple in these outtakes from her Glamour magazine photoshoot. By my calculation, that’s still 1 and 7/8ths nipples too few for me to ever watch an episode of Glee.

Cher’s nipple was on full display at the Madrid premiere of new movie “Burlesque” yesterday, and is it ever a testament to the efficacy of plastic surgery. My mother-in-law is in her sixties, too, but her boobs don’t look like that. Think more along the lines of “summer squash” and “pie pans.”

PHOTO CREDIT: Fame Pictures

I wish I could tell you that minutes after Paris Hilton finished this photo shoot, that there was an (un)fortunate landslide that smothered her gangly body in a heap of earth, but I can’t. I know, I’m just as bummed out about it as you. The only silver lining is that you can see her boobs in a couple of the pictures. What? You expect me to have standards? I do celebrity blogging, for Pete’s sake.

Two first thumbnails NSFW for side-boobage action:

These pictures of Victoria’s Secret model Rosie Huntington-Whiteley in British GQ ought to convince you beyond a shadow of a doubt that there is, in fact, a God. You know, if the infinite complexity of a Mandelbrot set and Cheeto Jesus hadn’t already sold you on the good Lord first. Amen!

Thumbs 2 and 4 NSFW:

I don’t know about you, but after looking at these pictures of supermodel Marisa Miller in her bikini, I suddenly have a hankerin’ for a little ice cream. Some Caramel Pecan Nipple, maybe. A little Juggmocha Almond Fudge. Or a classic, like Strawboobies and Cream. Oh, who are we kidding? I’ll probably just eat all three straight out of the carton while sobbing on the couch in my sweatpants. No reason today should be any different.