Victoria’s Secret model and “Transformers 3″ star Rosie Huntington-Whiteley graces one of three covers of next month’s issue of Vs magazine — the other two covers belong to actress Julianne Moore and supermodel Helena Christensen. I suppose the choice of three different women on the covers is their way of putting in a real-life versus in the magazine Vs. So, anyway, which did I choose? Well, after dialoguing with my co-workers and much consideration and deliberation, I ultimately went with Rosie Huntington-Whiteley. She was showing her nipple, and the other ladies weren’t. If you aren’t going to bring your A-game, you might as well not even step up to the plate.

Photographer Kate Orne clearly knows that subtlety is for pussies. Just like condoms and seatbelts.

Thumbs 1-7 from the Kate Orne photoshoot; thumbs 8-15 from New Look Lingerie photoshoot:

Evan Rachel Wood likes to think she’s pushing the envelope with her new androgynyous haircut and her tiny androgynous breasts, but I find her entire Flaunt shoot completely trite and cliched. It’s the sorta crap a first-year art student who’s just come out of the closet in the big city would post in his online gallery under the title “Duality of Being: the Dénouement.”

90210 “actress” AnnaLynne McCord “accidentally” posted a topless picture of herself on Twitter yesterday. And then she “accidentally” alerted her followers about it before she finally took it down. The Daily Mail says:

24-year-old [McCord] sent the snap to female fan Megan Lujan after plenty of previous exchanges but also alerted the rest of her Twitter followers to it last week.

She wrote alongside it: ‘This is for you @meganraee You rock! Xxx A.’

But when fans noticed her nipple was visible in the image McCord pulled the original post down and replaced it with a cropped version.

Who among us hasn’t accidentally taken a picture of themselves topless? It’s a lot more common than you think. You’re sitting there, minding your own business, when all of the sudden, whoops! — your cell phone’s out and your bra’s off. And now — uh-oh! — you’re uploading it to your favorite social networking site. If I had a nickel for every time one of my aereolas inadvertently wound up on the interwebs, you can bet I’d be like a seven-thousandaire by now.

AnnaLynne McCord and Sara Foster filming in Beverly Hills:

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

This is supposedly a pic of Miley Cyrus topless as she changed in the VIP area of some club in Spain back in May — presumably from the same set of leaked cell phone pics that came out soon after her iPhone was hacked — but somehow it’s just now hitting the interwebs, either because it’s a fake, or because TrainReq decided to play that ace he’d had up his sleeve this whole time. Either way you slice it, you still end up with free boobs. It’s your classic win-win scenario.

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

It’s nice to know that the Christmas spirit is still alive and well these days. That means different things to different people. It might mean anonymously paying off someone’s Christmas layaway. If you’re “English glamour model” Rhian Sugden, that means letting lesbian hobbit look-alike artist Fanny Gogh paint holly berries on your nipples and let some random firemen in on the action. Personally, I think her idea is better. Give a child a toy, and he’ll remember it for a couple of weeks. Take him to go paint some bimbo’s tits, and he’ll remember it for a lifetime. It’s the gift that keeps on giving.

Amber Heard’s lesbian lover is some fancy photographer, so she took a bunch of artsy black-and-whites of Amber, and she’s topless in a few of them. Okay… she’s topless in one of them. Look, it’s better than eight lords-a-leaping. Keep it up, and next time it’s that and fruitcake.

Photos by Tasya van Ree:

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

The 2012 Pirelli Calendar calendar — easily the most pretentious of all your gratuitous-titties-masquerading-as-art calendars — is set for release at the end of this year, and a preview of this year’s famous racks include those of Kate Moss, Lara Stone, Mila Jovovich and Isabeli Fontana. I’ve never wanted to seize the day with both hands before. And then motorboat the day like there was no tomorrow.

Victoria’s Secret model Miranda Kerr is completely naked in these two black and white pics from INDUSTRIE Magazine #4, but you can only see her nipple in one of them. And even then, the rest of her lower half looks like a weird assemblage of limbs and cadaver parts, like what you might see if you looked down into an open mass grave outside a concentration camp. And frankly, those kinda thoughts make it take twice as long to masturbate, and I just don’t have that kinda time. I have anime battles to re-enact. Bring me my dueling swords and my furry tail!

While we’re on the subject of Sports Illustrated swimsuit models, you should know that Miss September Cintia Dicker also has a spread in GQ Brasil this month. Only her GQ spread is way better because you can see her nipples in one of the pics. Check and mate, Sports Illustrated!

“Boardwalk Empire’s” Paz de la Huerta has a ridiculous body, but she has the kind of crazy eyes that you usually only see on someone pushing a rusty shopping cart downtown and yelling at pigeons. I wouldn’t know whether she was about to kiss me or stab me in the knee with a screwdriver.

In a photo shoot by acclaimed creepy pervert Terry Richardson:

Tara Reid hasn’t been photographed with her new husband Zack Kehayov in several weeks now, leading to speculation that getting married the day he proposed might have been a little premature. Good thing they were never actually legally married, then. The Daily Mail says:

The Hollywood star, 35, was quizzed by a photographer about married life as she landed at LAX, only for her to confess she isn’t actually wed.

When asked if she could win US show The Newlywed Game, Tara replied: ‘We would lose… we were never really married, it was never legal.’

She did not comment whether or not they were still together or if they had known at the time what they were doing was not legal.

Tara Reid looks like she was pieced together with cadaver parts and fishing twine, so my interest in this story has long since waned. However, my interest in model Natasha Poly nude in next month’s Vogue Espana has not. When I close a door, I always make sure to open a window.

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