Well, I’ll be damned. You can do something with sheer red lace other than hang it from an antebellum whorehouse window. Scarlett O’Hara could really learn a thing or two from Lady Gaga.

“Performing” at New York’s Fashion Week yesterday, plus some of her drunk at the VMA’s afterparty:

I’m a day late and a dollar short on this one, but it seems that Beyonce suffered a wardrobe malfunction onstage at the Oscars Sunday night. Put your face right next to the monitor and squint and you’ll see it. You might need to tilt the screen a little. Maybe lean way back. Then ask yourself if scouring the internet for celebrity nipples is where you saw yourself ten years ago and try to determine at what point your life became a meaningless void. At least that’s the way I did it.

Clenching in her hideous House of Dereon dress:

Victoria’s Secret supermodel Doutzen Kroes did a quick deck-change during a photoshoot, revealing a completely see-through bra. Rowr. I approve. I like my bras just like I like my jet packs and magic cloaks — practically invisible. Unfortunately, the don’t make 42 triple E’s in anything other than industrial strength nylon and neoprene with polyester accents. I guess nobody wants to see nipples the size of dinner plates unless they absolutely have to.

Supermodel Kate Moss hit up Surin Beach in Thailand last week with The Kills’ guitarist Jamie Hince. I guess her bra never made it past customs. Assuming of course that that pink blobby thing under there is supposed to be a nipple on a breast. It could just as easily be a robust skin tag or an extra pinky toe growing out of a mound of fibrous connective tissues. Carnies have to come from somewhere, you know?