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Kylie Minogue’s Surgeon is a Genius And Other News

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Kylie Minogue Botox and Fillers

Kylie Minogue might be paralyzed from the nasolabial folds up and have the shiny complexion of a fembot, but you have to admit she looks fantastic for forty-four years old. Heck, she looks fantastic for twenty-four years old. Just ask Lindsay Lohan.

Interweb nosh and nibbles:

How’s this for irony: the Air Force’s Sexual Assault Prevention Chief is charged with sexual assault over the weekend. It’s like rain on your wedding day. (Jezebel)

Donald Trump says Jon Stewart is a “total phony” and “highly overrated.” Curious that anyone with a combover like his could bandy about accusations of phoniness. (Celebitchy)

Maxim magazine names Miley Cyrus their Hottest Woman Alive, proving beyond a shadow of a doubt that Maxim magazine is complete garbage. (Celeb Slam)

Lindsay Lohan says she has only done cocaine “maybe four or five times.” It’s like she’s not even trying anymore. (The Blemish)

Star Trek’s Chris Pine has my vote. (popbytes)

The Ten Weirdest Foreign Movies Starring American Actors, because I love a good top ten list. (Mandatory)

The Six Most Embarrassing Celebrity Thong Reveals, because I also love a top six. (Daily Stab)

Justin Bieber ravaged by stage-rushing hugger of 12 or 13, piano toppled: the video! (Huffington Post)

All the highlights from the red carpet at the London premiere of Star Trek. (Holy Moly!)

Veteran character actor Jeffery Wright was arrested over the weekend, opening the door for a spot on Celebrity Rehab. (Hollywood Rag)

Valerie Bertinelli makes a game night of photobombing. (Seriously OMG)

Megan Fox’s puffy pillow face on the set of the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie. (Amy Grindhouse)

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Carey Mulligan in Flaunt Magazine

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Carey Mulligan is almost unrecognizable in a series of wigs in next month’s Flaunt magazine, where she plays the part of a pilgrim from the future who visits a Tostitos factory in a hat that looks like a giant raspberry. Apparently Tim Burton is designing clothes now.

Gisele Bündchen Replaces Beyoncé as the Face of H&M

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Brazilian supermodel Gisele Bündchen and her umlaut are replacing singer Beyoncé and her accent mark as the new face and diacritical of retail giant H&M (check out Gisele in the June edition of French Vogue in the gallery above). The NY Daily News says:

With a blockbuster campaign for Chanel’s Les Beiges cosmetics line already under her belt, Bündchen has just landed another major deal, as the face of H&M’s Fall-Winter 2013 advertising campaign.

The 32-year-old mother of two has been spotted on-set for the Swedish label in West London wearing a number of looks from the brand’s upcoming collection.

For super trendy stuff that you know you’re only going to wear for a season or two, you can’t beat H&M — it’s cheap and poorly made, but it’s affordable. Which, incidentally, is exactly what it says on Tara Reid’s resume. It’s important to know your your target demographic.