When I saw these pictures of Mischa Barton arriving to the set of “The Beautiful Life,” my heart instantly leapt into my throat and choked me up. Ha ha, I’m kidding. It was really vomit. Everybody knows I don’t actually have a heart.

PHOTO SOURCE: Splash News Online

I have a feeling that the kind of people who go around taking pictures of supermodels without any makeup on are the same kind of people who like ripping the beard off the department store Santa Claus at Christmas. Bastards.

Victoria’s Secret supermodel Marisa Miller backstage and bare-faced:

It’s nice to see Cruella de Ville sans her usual fur coat and opera length red gloves. So many of our cartoon villainesses get caught in the proverbial “fashion rut,” as it were. Hello — Maleficent, anyone? Someone really ought to tell her that horned headdresses and sorceress capes are so 17th century.

Cruella with Melanie Griffith in West Hollywood yesterday:

44 year-old Nicolette Sheridan was photographed leaving an L.A. coffee shop earlier this week bare-faced and make-up free. It’s definitely a different look for her. When asked for comment on her new au natural visage, she reportedly cackled, “Inkubus Sukkubus! May the Circle be open!” before turning several small children into newts and speeding away on her broom.

Former Baywatch babe Traci Bingham was photographed looking, um, less than glamorous while leaving a Hollywood Bristol Farms earlier this week. Now, being an East Coaster, I have no idea what a “Bristol Farms” is, but I’d say it’s safe to assume from the pictures that it entails hiding under a bridge and “answering me these questions three.” Of course, it could also be a rift in the time-space continuum that opens a portal into the Ugly Dimension, but I don’t plan on getting close enough to ever find out.

In Slavic oral tradition, Baba Yaga always lived deep in the forest in a log cabin that moved abount on a pair of dancing chicken legs. In real life, Baba Yaga lives in the Pacific Palisades with an actor named Kurt Russell. She might have traded in her mortar and pestle for a pair of orthopedic shoes, but that Goldie Hawn doesn’t fool me for a minute. I know a witch when I see one!