There are so many things wrong with this picture, I don’t even know where to begin. Like Miley Cyrus‘ mom, for starters. She looks like a porn star who peaked in the early 90′s but still dances topless on the weekend at a titty bar off I-81. You can almost smell the Hepatitis C and Merit Ultra Lights from here. Miley can’t find a goddamn bra or a normal-size pair of sunglasses to save her life, and she’s been under the misguided impression that Edward Scissorhanding your clothes somehow makes them fashionable. But that’s not even the worst of it. Not even close. That distinguished honor goes to the ten-year old flashing her push-up bra and a pair of cutoff Daisy Dukes. If the Taliban ever needed a poster child for the Great Satan, I think I’ve found their girl right here.
Tish, Miley and Noah at Patty’s Diner in Toluca Lake:
The Really Unfortunate Looking Cyrus, a.k.a. Noah Cyrus, thinks it’s about time for your young daughters to be able to look like a mini hooker too! Says Star Magazine:
Miley’s little sister is teaming up with her bestie Emily Grace Reaves, 9, to launch a clothing line for Ooh! La, La! Couture. The line will be called the Emily Grace Collection but both girls will wear the designs on their YouTube series Noie & Ems, touring with Miley and on the red carpet.
“Emily is launching the clothing line along with her BFF and costar Noah Cyrus,” the press release states. And the pieces promise to have a “trendy, sweet, yet edgy feel.”
In a clip on their YouTube channel, Noah and Emily show off their outfits to Miley backstage at one of her tour stops. Noah is wearing a tank top, black tulle skirt and argyle socks while Emily is decked out in a leopard print ensemble with fishnets.
“I want one of those,” Miley says to Emily in the clip.
Did you read that? Fishnets on a 9 year old girl. It’s really creepy to see them with their little miniature hats perched on their heads like they’re in a burlesque show or something. I wouldn’t be surprised if their line had thongs and black lace underwire training bras. Bleh.
Noah Cyrus, ten-year-old sister of Miley Cyrus, has been on this site twice, both times for being creepy and disturbing (once for dressing like a child prostitute and once for appearing in a YouTube video singing and dancing to Akon’s “Smack That”). Not satisfied with freaking people out by acting like a preteen whore, Noah has moved on to singing about alcoholic partying, appearing in a YouTube video lip-synching (poorly) to Ke$ha’s “Tik Tok” with an unidentified man.
This is creepy for many reasons, most of which involve the fact that this kid is TEN YEARS OLD. She should not be singing about brushing her teeth with a bottle of Jack, trying to get a little tipsy, having plenty of beer, or getting crunk and having boys try to touch her junk. SHE’S TEN. Even in the Cyrus family, that shit can wait until she’s at least 12.
In other news, holy hell this is one unfortunate looking kid, huh? Miley’s kinda homely herself, but DAYUM her little sister is fug. And that’s some serious Hermione Granger hair she’s got going on. Your family’s got millions, kid. I think maybe they’d buy you a brush if you asked nicely.
Here’s some charming video footage of up-and-coming whorelette Noah Cyrus doing her own version of Akon’s deeply inappropriate song “Smack That”. There to egg her on is daddy-approved pole-dancing big sister Miley. I swear, what the hell has happened to parenting? Everyone’s just fine and dandy with whoring out your kids to make some money. Where do we live, Viet-fucking-nam? At least there, when parents sell kids into sexual slavery, they’re usually doing it for money to buy food. Here? Um, a gold-plated shitter? A shiny new belt buckle the size of a dinner plate? Well I guess I’m expecting too much after they trotted her out looking like Roman Polanski’swet dream. They may have money, but when it comes down to it, the Cyruses are inbred, backwater hillbillies.
When I was nine, I dressed up as a fairy princess for Halloween. Miley Cyrus’ little sister Noah is apparently going with “coccinellid cocksucker” and “child prostitute with progeria” for her All Hallow’s Eve festivities. Perhaps Billy Ray will be taking her trick-or-treating at a local penitentiary or a hostel for registered sex offenders. There’s only so many good “back of an unmarked van’s” to hit up in any given neighborhood on Halloween, you know!
Now with even more kiddie-porn flava after the jump!
