Coco has since removed this photo of her lying naked next to her baby nephew from her Twitter page, because for some reason, people found it “objectionable.” And I bet the social worker that’s coming to visit will be even more uncool about it. You know how those guys freak out every time they see visible genitalia.

This is supposedly a pic of Miley Cyrus topless as she changed in the VIP area of some club in Spain back in May — presumably from the same set of leaked cell phone pics that came out soon after her iPhone was hacked — but somehow it’s just now hitting the interwebs, either because it’s a fake, or because TrainReq decided to play that ace he’d had up his sleeve this whole time. Either way you slice it, you still end up with free boobs. It’s your classic win-win scenario.

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

The 2012 Pirelli Calendar calendar — easily the most pretentious of all your gratuitous-titties-masquerading-as-art calendars — is set for release at the end of this year, and a preview of this year’s famous racks include those of Kate Moss, Lara Stone, Mila Jovovich and Isabeli Fontana. I’ve never wanted to seize the day with both hands before. And then motorboat the day like there was no tomorrow.

Victoria’s Secret model Miranda Kerr is completely naked in these two black and white pics from INDUSTRIE Magazine #4, but you can only see her nipple in one of them. And even then, the rest of her lower half looks like a weird assemblage of limbs and cadaver parts, like what you might see if you looked down into an open mass grave outside a concentration camp. And frankly, those kinda thoughts make it take twice as long to masturbate, and I just don’t have that kinda time. I have anime battles to re-enact. Bring me my dueling swords and my furry tail!

Lady Gaga bemoans her inability to be “truly cherished” by a man in the January issue of Vanity Fair. What naked single leg hip extensions have to do with that I’m sure I don’t know. The Daily Mail says:

In a stunning admission she told Vanity Fair: “I have never felt truly cherished by a lover. I have an inability to know what happiness feels like with a man.

I have this effect on people where it starts out good… and then they hate me.”

Gaga said she’s endured emotional break-ups that have been followed up with impromptu proposals.

But her response is: “How fuckin’ romantic, you asshole. Sure pop a ring on my finger and make it all better. I can buy myself a fuckin’ ring!”

That’s right, she can buy herself a fuckin’ ring. And she can fuck herself, too, what with the penis and everything. So what the hell does she need you for? You’d really just be in the way.

Scarlett Johansson opens up about those hacked nude photos that surfaced online back in September in next month’s Vanity Fair magazine. The Daily Mail says:

Miss Johansson, 26, has explained that she sent [the photos] to her former husband, Canadian actor Ryan Reynolds.

‘Those are old, from three years ago,’ she told the magazine. ‘They were sent to my husband. There’s nothing wrong with that.

‘It’s not like I was shooting a porno – although there’s nothing wrong with that either.’

She even joked that they showed her in a flattering light because ‘I know my best angles’.

Did she just hint at a possible sex tape? Because it sounds like she was hinting at a possible sex tape. The little cricket on the poster at the library says if we believe hard enough, we can make it happen!

“Boardwalk Empire’s” Paz de la Huerta has a ridiculous body, but she has the kind of crazy eyes that you usually only see on someone pushing a rusty shopping cart downtown and yelling at pigeons. I wouldn’t know whether she was about to kiss me or stab me in the knee with a screwdriver.

In a photo shoot by acclaimed creepy pervert Terry Richardson:

Tara Reid hasn’t been photographed with her new husband Zack Kehayov in several weeks now, leading to speculation that getting married the day he proposed might have been a little premature. Good thing they were never actually legally married, then. The Daily Mail says:

The Hollywood star, 35, was quizzed by a photographer about married life as she landed at LAX, only for her to confess she isn’t actually wed.

When asked if she could win US show The Newlywed Game, Tara replied: ‘We would lose… we were never really married, it was never legal.’

She did not comment whether or not they were still together or if they had known at the time what they were doing was not legal.

Tara Reid looks like she was pieced together with cadaver parts and fishing twine, so my interest in this story has long since waned. However, my interest in model Natasha Poly nude in next month’s Vogue Espana has not. When I close a door, I always make sure to open a window.

NSFW:

Usually if somebody tells me they’re gonna give it to me in German, I assume it means I should bite down on the leash and hope my spine doesn’t telescope from the impact, but luckily, that’s not the case here. It’s just Rosie Huntington-Whiteley’s nipples in German Vogue. You can stop cowering in the corner and sucking your thumb now.

Most girls freak out when you start packing their genitals full of mulch, but not Rihanna. She appreciates a good bark nugget. I’m really more of a peat moss girl myself. I find the moisture retention’s much better with your denser compost materials.

In the November issue of Esquire:

You can bet I’d be wearing gloves too if I had to touch Paz de la Huerta’s puss. I’d wear the kind that go all the way up to your elbows and have reinforced palm grips and seams between the fingers and shit. And even then, I still wouldn’t touch it with my actual hand. I’d maybe use salad tongs and a decent-sized poking stick.

In Flaunt Magazine issue 117:

New mom Miranda Kerr shows off her cute little tushy in next month’s Harper’s Bazaar magazine. Funny how the word “tushy” just sucks the sex appeal right out of it. It’s the verbal equivalent of her lying naked on the bed in front of a row of Madame Alexander dolls.