A remarkably svelte Britney Spears writhes around totally naked in the video for her latest musical masterpiece “Womanizer.” Just how did she get so hot so quick? Other than the digital retouching and the lens filters, I mean? Why, with the help of magic pills, of course! MSNBC says

“She’s lost a total of 25 pounds over the last several months. She’s losing about two pounds a week [by] taking Nutrition 53 [and] working out.” (Nutrition 53, interestingly, is the supplement backed by Bill Romanowski, the former NFL linebacker).

Magical football pills, at that! I was figuring something a little more Hollywood, like Adderall and Hepatitis C, but I guess NFL-endorsed supplements work, too. Provided there’s not already an old woman speaking in riddles and in need of a cow wandering around downtown Los Angeles.

Just weeks shy of her 48th birthday, former supermodel Carol Alt is getting all kinds of naked for the first time ever next month’s issue of Playboy magazine. Page Six says

“[Her nude pictorial] shows you the benefits of eating only raw food like she does.”

I imagine it also shows you the benefits of the Brazilian wax and airbrushing. And, more importantly, it aims to dispel the long-held myth that all women are blonde and die shortly after their 22nd birthday. That Carol Alt is some kind of pioneer, I tell ya. It’s one bare beaver for men; one giant leap for womankind!

In Italian Vanity Fair last year:

Backstage at the Joanna Mastroianni last month:

Remember that time Kate Moss didn’t show her nipples? Yeah, me neither. Maybe it was just a terrible dream. Just like Night Ranger and “A Gnome Named Gnorm.” Sister Christian, oh the time has come! Just wake me when it’s all over.

NSFW unless you work in a strip club:

Sienna Miller’s pubic hair was digitally altered for a more “authentic” look for her role in the movie “Hippie Hippie Shake.” According to Digital Spy

“The film is set in the swinging ’60s when fashion was wild and body hair even wilder,” said a source. “Unfortunately, Brazilian [waxes] weren’t common in the ’60s. Sienna’s private parts were digitally enhanced, giving her a rather unruly, loud and proud bush.”

What happened to fully committing to a role? Christian Bale, for example, lost nearly 70 pounds for his role in The Machinist. Sienna Miller couldn’t be bothered to lay off on the razor for three months? When I was in an adaption of Exit the King two years ago, I grew my bush till it was nearly six inches in diameter. It looked like I had Richard Simmons in a leglock. I was just a stagehand in the play, but that’s really beside the point. Sienna Miller’s just plain lazy.

The pics in case you missed them the first time:

You’ve been waiting for it, boys and girls, and now here it is: Britney Spears sex tape stills. You’re welcome! RobbyR of Project X-Tapes says:

This looks exactly like her, I’d be shocked if it was NOT her. The only reason I am cautious to say “100% positive proof”… is not finding the dark freckle on her left side stomach on any other pictures I have of her. The wrist tattoo matches… two tattoos very low on her stomach are not visible in the bathtub pictures because her legs are bent up… while she pleasures herself with the bath water.”

If only there was a way to know for sure. Like if fat rolls worked like tree rings or if Cheetos dust could be seen with an ultraviolet light.

UPDATE: Pictures are working now. May God have mercy on your souls.

Holy hell NSFW:

When Victoria’s Secret model Miranda Kerr and actor Orlando Bloom indulge in a little public nudity on vacation in Spain, everybody’s all smiles and sunshine and “so nice to see you again, sir!” You try waltzing out to the hotel pool in nothing but arm floaties and a bottle of Old Grandad and see how long it takes before the policía municipal show up with billy clubs. My personal best is 4 minutes 56 seconds.

I hope you’re sitting down, because this is guaranteed to make your panties explode. I’m talking blow the zipper right off your Wranglers. Are you ready? Okay, here goes: MSNBC reports

Kelly Clarkson enjoys walking around her home in the buff, no matter the circumstances. That would include not just when close friends are around, but even when her home is “filled with strangers for photo shoots or fittings.”

Why?

“I just really like being naked,” [says] the “American Idol” star.

You know how that old saying goes — people who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones. Fortunately, I live in a house of 12% body fat and killer gluts, so I feel comfortable saying that Kelly Clarkson needs to steer clear of the glass market. Of course, the plastic slipcover market and anti-chafing powder-gel market can still be all hers.

Kelly not naked at Burbank airport last month:

Radar Online has a photo of Amy Winehouse nude save her guitar and a little strategically-placed electrical tape as part of a breast cancer awareness campaign in next month’s “Easy Living” magazine. Unfortunately, Pete Doherty’s nude-but-artfully-taped “Just Say No to Ball Cancer” didn’t quite make the cut.

New York magazine released a couple of outtakes from Lindsay Lohan’s now infamous Marilyn Monroe “Last Sitting” recreation, and boy, are they boring. I say “boring” because although still technically naked, there’s not nearly as many nipples as before. Well, kinda, in one, if you strain. And I’m not big into straining. That’s why I use a ladle and balance the carton on my chest when I’m eating ice cream. I find key positioning and wider delivery devices can cut your carton-to-mouth recovery time in half. Believe me, between that, my Hover Round and my Poise pads, I barely ever strain at all.

Boring, loring, snoring:

Lindsay Lohan’s mother Dina has finally spoken out about her daughter’s New York magazine recreation of Marilyn Monroe’s famous “Last Sitting.” In three words? Thumbs-fuckin’-up. Dina told People Magazine

“It was very tastefully done. I respect the photographer as an artist, so I look at them artistically. I looked at it as art. I don’t look at them like it’s Playboy… Trust me, I wouldn’t have sent my 14-year-old [daughter Alli] to the set [if the shoot was in bad taste]. And obviously Lindsay wouldn’t do anything with her sister there that was risqué.”

All I can say is Dina was a hell of a lot more supportive of her daughter’s nudity than my own mother ever was. When my mom found those naked picture of me my junior year, I never heard the words “congratulations on your art” come out of her mouth. Instead it was all “You’re only sixteen” this and “Oh my God — is that your stepfather?!” that. I’m sure I could have really made a difference if my mother hadn’t divorced Todd and pulled the plug my artistic visions back in high school.

Lindsay at WWE Raw Monday night and smoking her way to beautiful:

I realize these nude pictures of Demi Moore were taken thirty years ago, but it’s a fact that gratuitous full frontal nudity is never bound by the constraints of linear time. So here you go. Demi did a naked spread at eighteen for a jerk-off mag called “Oui” — which, apparently, is French for “masses of hair” — before the implants and the botox and the knee lifts. Also, it seems, before the invention of the razor. There are only a few words to describe the following pictorial: “Oh, my God,” or “What the fuck,” or “I’m not just the president — I’m also a client.”