You didn’t think Eminem was going to take Mariah Carey’s parody video Obsessed lying down, did you? In his latest song, “The Warning,” he claims to have “dirt” on the singer in the form of racy pictures and claims that he did, in fact, have sex with her, even if it was only once. And, um, some other stuff:

In the second week we was dry humping/Surely you don’t want me to talk about how I nutted early/cos ejaculated early and bust all over your belly/And you almost started hurling and said I was gross/Go get a towel you’re stomachs curling.

But if I’m embarrassing me, I’m embarrassing you/And don’t you dare say it isn’t true.

Only a white dude would try to convince you of his sexual prowess by rapping about his problem with premature ejaculation. You never heard Dr. Dre or Tupac busting rhymes about their post-coital crying fits or inability to maintain an erection, did you? Sorry, but you can’t make a ho “bow down” and “recognize” when they’re too busy laughing at your limp penis. Might want to go with a different angle next time.

The lyrics in their entirety after the jump

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