It’s hard to know where to look when fat girls try to be sexy. Your instinct is to flatten out and try to be inconspicuous as possible, but then you remember that shortbread cookies and cheese quesadillas are flat, too, and fat girls sure as hell don’t ignore those. So then you think you should maybe crawl under the table to hide, but then you remember that fat girls often hunt the floor in the hopes of finding the occasional wayward M&M that managed to escape their doughy fists before they could stuff it in their big fat pieholes. Basically, you’re screwed every which way you look. Your best bet is to throw something resembling food in the fat girl’s general direction and yell “FIRE!” as you sprint to the closest exit, but unfortunately, that doesn’t work with a video. I know I waved a chicken drumstick in front of my monitor for almost five goddamn minutes before Beyonce finally stopped thrusting her gut at me. Frankly, you’re better off just running away.

At Rihanna’s party at Mahiki with husband Jay-Z:

PHOTO SOURCE: Pacific Coast News

The official music video for Lady Gaga’s latest single “Bad Romance” is out, and it’s every bit the masterpiece you’d expect it to be. Think “Nip/Tuck sound stage” meets “The Fifth Element costume department” meets “Lewis Carroll on an opium trip” meets “first year film student.” All that, and she still managed to work in the Curly Shuffle at the 3:07 mark! You usually only find this much crap in one place when you’re standing in a bus station bathroom after Greek Week.

Sixcreen caps here; six more after jump:

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