There are some awesome words that when paired together need no further explanation. “All you can eat” and “ribs,” for example. Or “dollar pitchers” and “until midnight.” “Not” and “pregnant.” I think “Olivia Wilde” and “in a bikini” covers just about everything you need to know here.
Melanie Griffith checked into the Cirque Lodge rehab facility in Utah this week as part of an “ongoing commitment to stay healthy.” In other words, bitch is boozin’ again. Star Magazine says
An insider [says] that this stint in rehab is [really just] a bid to save her marriage.
The 52-year-old movie star has battled addictions to drugs and booze since she was a teenager, but her latest fall off the wagon is the last straw for her husband of 13 years, Antonio Banderas.
“He told her that if she didn’t get the help she needed [to get clean and sober], it would be the end of their marriage,” said the source.
Well, the Cirque Lodge certainly did wonders for Lindsay Lohan. As in “I wonder when this skankwad is going to finally OD in a Bungalow 8 crapper.” Looks like success is in the cards for you, Mel!
And now for some Olivia Wilde in the fall edition of Malibu Magazine because she’s not ravaged by plastic surgery and a cirrhotic liver:
A downtown Manhattan Calvin Klein billboard ad depicting a three-on-one group sex scene has family values groups up in arms. Fox News says
The blue-jeans giant has unveiled a jumbo ad that shows two young men and a young woman entwined in a semi-nude threesome, as another man undresses.
Randy Sharp of the American Family Association [said], “I find this kind of ad repulsive, I find it disgusting, I find it inappropriate for a public venue.”
Wendy Wright, president of Concerned Women for America, said, “This is graphic and intended to shock any sensibility — even in New York.”
Frankly, I don’t know what offends me more more — the depiction of a semi-nude threesome, or the man wearing the cuffed denim shorts. Both are pretty repulsive if you ask me.
And speaking of semi-nude, here are some pics of Olivia Wilde in next month’s Maxim:
Megan Fox famously told GQ last year:
“I could see myself in a relationship with [Olivia Wilde] — she is so sexy she makes me want to strangle a mountain ox with my bare hands. She’s mesmerizing.”
You’ve got to give that Megan credit for such an interesting metaphor, but I don’t really see your average guy strangling a mountain ox our of sheer erotic enthusiasm for Olivia Wilde. Now choking a chicken or spanking a monkey, sure. It’s really just a question of choosing the right metaphorical animal.
Olivia’s gymnast-themed photo shoot in next month’s GQ:
I’m not exactly sure where the editors of Maxim went wrong with this year’s Hot 100 List, but I think a safe bet is sometime around the year 1996, or “the last time the words ‘Jennifer Love Hewitt’ and ‘hot’ were used in a sentence without referencing fudge sundaes” as it’s known to the rest of the modern world.
Your “Top 100″ — 1. Olivia Wilde; 2. Megan Fox; 3. Bar Rafaeli; i4. Malin Akerman; 5. Mila Kunis;6. Eliza Dusku; 7. Adriana Lima; 8. Rihanna; 9. Jordana Brewster; 10. Jennifer Love Hewitt:
The equally disappointing 31-100 listed after the jump
Meryl Streep and Sean Penn were the big winners at last night’s 15th annual SAG Awards, along with “Slumdog Millionaire” and oh, Jesus Christ, who fucking cares anymore. People Magazine says
The SAG Awards – which are voted on by the union celebrating actors and are broadcast from Los Angeles’s Shrine Auditorium – are considered by many in the industry to anticipate Oscar winners.
The cast of Slumdog Millionaire was named outstanding cast in a motion picture, foreshadowing a probable Best Picture Oscar win.
Kate Winslet was named best female actor in a supporting role for her part in the Holocaust drama The Reader. In the supporting male category, Heath Ledger earned another posthumous trophy for his role as the macabre Joker in The Dark Knight.
But everyone agreed that the biggest surprise of the evening was learning that SAG stood for “Screen Actors Guild,” not “Self-absorbed Ass-kissing Gasbags.” Acronyms can be so misleading sometimes!
Eva Longoria in a shitty orange dress with shitty orange hair:
Lisa Rinna looking like a blow-up doll that was hosed down with turpentine and left in the sun:
Teri Hatcher in a ridiculously fluffy dress and the always impeccable Marcia Cross:
Hell yes Jack Bauer:
Obligatory Brad and Angelina:
Kate Winslet showing off her Golden Globes:
The eh-sultry and eh-spicy Penelope Cruz:
The complete list of winners, along with more pics of Tina Fey, Christina Applegate, Olivia Wilde and additional Brangelina for your viewing pleasure after the jump.
The 66th Annual Golden Globes Awards were last night, and I held fast to my tradition of watching “The Big Lebowski” while high as a kite instead. Try it yourself and I believe you’ll find the Golden Globes infinitely more tolerable that way. I mean, say what you want about the tenents of National Socialism — at least it’s an ethos. Am I right?
And speaking of high as a kite, a visibly impaired and cloying Cameron Diaz managed to fuck up Angelina Jolie’s name while presenting and trying to be cute (clip above). But even that wasn’t the most annoying moment of the night. Kate Winslet (keep watching) nabbed that distinguished honor after blathering on at the podium for five minutes and panting and gasping like Fatty McGee after taking a flight of stairs. People Magazine says
A breathless Kate Winslet, the first winner of the night at Sunday’s Golden Globes as best supporting actress for The Reader… was also named best leading actress in the drama Revolutionary Road.
Winslet, along with Mickey Rourke, Colin Farrell, Happy-Go-Lucky’s Sally Hawkins, the late Heath Ledger, Slumdog Millionaire, and Woody Allen’s Vicky Christina Barcelona were the top winners in the film categories.
The HBO miniseries John Adams, AMC’s Mad Men and NBC’s multiple-winner 30 Rock took TV honors.
Blah blah blah who cares. Look, if I’m gonna watch a group of people in ridiculous costumes shamelessly kissing each other’s asses for four hours, I’m not going to do it on network fucking TV. I’m going to rent “Starship Poopers” and “Backdoor Bandits on Big Butt Row” and get my damn money’s worth. And also maybe stain the couch.
Complete list of the night’s winners here.
Various stars at the Golden Globes after party, starting with Vanessa Hudgens and Kyra Sedgwick:
Christina Applegate and Kate Beckinsale:
Drew Barrymore and Eva Mendes:
Olivia Wilde and Melissa George:
The People’s Choice Awards were last night, and I’m sure like a vast majority of Americans, I was not watching. Fortunately for us, lots of pictures were taken so we can critique them at our leisure. People Magazine was on hand to record the happenings.
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie clearly have the people’s vote.
The two were among the big winners at the 35th Annual People’s Choice Awards Wednesday night at the Shrine Auditorium in Los Angeles. Pitt was named favorite leading man at the ceremony, while Jolie was voted favorite female action star.
While neither accepted their honors in the flesh, plenty of stars – including Carrie Underwood, Katherine Heigl and the hosts of Dancing with the Stars (winners of the favorite competition/reality show) – collected their trophies in person during the two-hour ceremony which was hosted by Queen Latifah.
I know you really don’t care about who won what, so let’s move on to the important stuff, shall we? Here’s a sampling of who attended last night:
Dakota Fanning:
Annalynne McCord:
Teri Hatcher:
Carrie Underwood:
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