This has to be a record year for my annual “Worst-Dressed at the Oscars.” This time around there were no Bjorks in swan costumes, no bicycle shorts with trains, no goth nipples or backwards suits. That’s not to say there weren’t some real stinkbombs, ’cause there were. Starting with Best Actor Daniel Day-Lewis in a brown-piped tuxedo and his wife in a be-broached, be-bowed, lace/taffeta/velvet masterpiece. That dress had it all! I bet there’s even a Swiss Army knife built into one of the sleeves. And don’t let’s forget the shoes. Like the rug in The Dude’s living room, those shoes really tied the look together.

Now, for the rest of the night’s fug after the jump

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First last year’s Vanity Fair party, and now the Oscars themselves — Paris Hilton has reportedly been banned from attending the most elite awards show in Hollywood. According to Female First

The hotel heiress was devastated after being told she couldn’t attend the prestigious event on Sunday night. [She had already] splashed out £2 million on a designer dress for the ceremony. A source said: “She cried hot, salty tears when she was banned from the Oscars.”

The “hot, salty tears” source then went back to reading aloud from “The Duke and the Preacher’s Virgin Daughter” and “The Quivering Explosion of Hot Man Love” to an audience of overweight middle-aged women standing in line at the Walgreen’s pharmacy.