You can thank incomprehensibly popular gossip blogger Perez Hilton for the recent influx of Lady Gaga. He has single-handedly convinced the world that she’s relevant, and nobody seems to want to argue. Well, I have news for you, people. He’s fucking wrong. And I have it on good authority that “ferosh” and “fierce” and “brings the fabulosity,” when translated from the gay, actually means “all gimmick and no talent.” Kinda like Perez Hilton himself. Us heteroes like to call that “irony.”

I’m not really down with the whole “urban” thing, so I asked one of my black friends if there was a street term for the sort of ensemble seen here on Mickey Rourke. And there is! Get your pads of papers and pencils, because you’re going to want to write this one down: according to him, it’s “fuckin’ gay-ass Kevin Federline-wantin’-to-be-biyach.” Feel free to supplement the expression with the words “dawg” or “yo” or “home skillet” for authenticity’s sake.