I was scanning the headlines this morning for celebrity DUI’s and upskirts and happened across this super-disturbing story about a three-year-old boy (photo here) who “absorbed” his partially-developed twin brother in utero — and still has the fetus in his abdomen. The twin apparently had eyes and hair and bones, but no organs. It’s like a goddamn Stephen King book or something. The Daily Mail says:

Surgeons were today preparing to operate on a three-year-old boy to remove the body of a ‘parasitic twin’ growing inside his stomach.

Isbac Pacunda was left with the rare condition after absorbing his would-be sibling inside the womb.

Doctors in Peru say the partially formed fetus has eyes, bones and hair on the cranium, but did not develop a brain, lungs, heart or intestines.

It weighs a pound and a half and is nine inches long.

A neonatologist at Rainbow Babies and Children’s Hospital in Cleveland said conjoined twins [cannot survive] when one twin absorbs the other.

Thinking that there could be an undead sibling lodged inside you is terrifying. Of course, it’s terrifying any time you find a lump somewhere on your body, but I’d still rather it’d be a cancerous tumor than what’s left of my organ-less twin sister. They only thing that can shake off that kind of creepy is more sexy outtakes from Ashley Greene’s Men’s Fitness photo shoot. Luckily, I came prepared.

It was rumored that “Pan Am” was already given the ax because it sucks and nobody watched it, but ABC says it still plans to continue it for another season. You have Ashley Greene’s hotness to thank for those additional 10 episodes, because it was the only reason that crappy show made it past the pilot. And don’t think she doesn’t know it, either. Radar Online says:

“Ashley came rolling on to the [Pan Am] set acting like a queen bee,” an insider [said].

“She was stuck-up with the crew and acted like appearing on TV amounted to slumming. She referred to herself as a ‘real movie star,’ and said she was sure her guest stint would boost ratings.”

The 24-year-old actress was [also] completely cold to her costars.

“Ashley didn’t want to socialize with Christina Ricci or Kelli Garner, the stars of the show,” the source says. “They had organized a welcome lunch for Ashley, but she blew them off. That was extremely off-putting to everyone.”

You can’t look like she does and not be a bitch. The world is her fucking oyster, man. If I looked like that, the only acknowledgement you’d ever get from me is maybe a fart in your general direction. I wouldn’t even make eye contact.

Outtakes from her photo shoot for Men’s Fitness:

Lady Gaga posed in Japanese Vogue (cover here; pics here) back in June, but a whole lot of nude and topless outtakes from the shoot have just now surfaced that Vogue decided not to put in the issue. All you have to do is click the header and you’ll instantly know why.

Photographer Terry Richardson released some never before seen photos of a then 23-year old Amy Winehouse on Tumblr yesterday, including the above photo of her with a chicken. The pics don’t provide any additional insight as to the cause of her death, but they sure rule out any possibility that she died from too much flossing.

Today is more boring than church, so what better way to break up the monotony than with a little gratuitous T & A courtesy of Sports Illustrated swimsuit model Kate Upton? After all, man was made in God’s own image. It stands to reason that admiring her nearly-naked body would qualify as worship. Gotcha on a technicality, Jesus!

Amen:

Playboy’s Cyber Club released nineteen never-before-seen outtakes from Kim Kardashian’s 2007 shoot for the magazine, and Kim has since “reacted privately” by talking about it publicly. Yeah, it didn’t make sense to me either, but then I’m not a stupid cunt. Radar Online says:

The Keeping Up With The Kardashians star, who publicly expressed regret about doing the naked shoot, now has reacted privately about the new photos surfacing.

“Kim was really upset that the new photos were released,” a source close to Kim [said]. “She freaked out that they were out there, she didn’t think that they were going to be seen again.”

The socialite declared she was sorry she did [Playboy], and claimed she was “uncomfortable” posing for the revealing pics.

“She gets embarrassed about the photos and is trying to put that behind her,” the source said.

Oh, I’m sure “putting things behind her” really comes natural for Kim Kardashian. It’s the remembering she doesn’t always have to get on all fours and mug for the cameras that’s the hard part.

Slightly NSFW:

The geniuses over at Harper’s Bazaar axed this magnificent picture of Megan Fox on all fours in a swimsuit, but kept this one of her dressed like fucking The Karate Kid doing yoga in their April issue instead. Makes perfect sense… if you’re gay. Not since the Pontiac Aztek and “Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot” have such bad ideas been forced on an unsuspecting public.

A bunch of super-sexy pictures from January Jones’ September GQ photo shoot made their way onto the interwebs yesterday. These were the outtakes, in that they didn’t print them. Yeah. I guess they figured, “Who wants to look at more sexy pics of January Jones when you can read five extra pages of “The Well-Dressed Gentleman’s Guide to Cashmere?” I think it’s also safe to say that GQ’s primary audience is largely homosexual.