The Human Body Only Bends So Far, You Know

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Christina Ricci & Owen Benjamin

I have an evening update for you, my pretties.  It seems that Christina Ricci and Owen Benjamin have called off their engagement, presumably because the power of their love failed to overcome the laws of physics and make the corresponding parts line up correctly to facilitate true intimacy.  Sometimes love just ain’t enough, I guess.  From People:

Christina Ricci and her comedian boyfriend Owen Benjamin have ended their engagement, sources tell PEOPLE.

“Owen had a birthday party this past Sunday, and everything seemed fine. Sometime after, they got into a fight and decided to reevaluate things. [Then] the engagement was off,” says a source close to the couple.

Another source close to the actress says the pair called off the engagement before last week. “They really are still close,” adds the source. “They talk almost every day. It was a very mature decision and they both felt good about it. They’re definitely still friends.”

A rep for Ricci had no comment.

If it’s true that they’ve split up, that makes me sad in the pants because Christina Ricci is almost inhumanly adorable and it displeases me to think that such cuteness could be showered by the heavens with anything but sparkling happiness.  The fact that there seems to be some dispute over when, precisely, the split took place and her rep’s refusal to comment could mean this is merely a rumour… which would also mean there’s still hope for their as-yet-unborn horde of traveling sideshow giant midget children.  Midget giant children?  Whatever.  Freakshow!  With sequinned costumes!  Mend your rifts and make it happen, lovebirds!

Christina Ricci is Engaged

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Christina Ricci & Owen Benjamin

We need some less depressing news after the bucket of sadness and tragedy that was the last post.  Oh, look — this’ll do:

Adorable wee elfling Christina Ricci is engaged to her Gigantor boyfriend Owen Benjamin, her rep confirmed Tuesday.  The 5’1″ Ricci met the 6’6″ Benjamin last year on the set of their film All’s Faire in Love, and they began dating last fall.  Ricci is 29, and Benjamin’s age seems to be a complete mystery, as I couldn’t find it anywhere in my extra diligent 14-second Google search (I am a research warrior!).

I hope they have a horde of children, in a progressive series of alternating height extremes, and then start their own traveling family sideshow.  With costumes.  Sequinned costumes.

Teeny Christina and ogre-sized Owen going to Guacho Grill in Studio City:

Christina Ricci & Owen BenjaminChristina Ricci & Owen BenjaminChristina Ricci & Owen BenjaminChristina Ricci & Owen BenjaminChristina Ricci & Owen Benjamin