Sam “Piss on Your Dead Mom” Lutfi and Britney Spears had a huge fight last night outside the gates of her Summit home over her relationship with Final Pixx photographer Adnan Ghalib. The public screaming match ended with her storming out of the car and down Muholland Drive barefoot, clutching her rat of a dog and bawling while she called Adnan to come pick her up. OK! Magazine says

Adnan told the pop star to go home and he’d meet her there. He tried to punch in the security code to the gate [when he arrived], but it didn’t work. He then reportedly called the house but Britney didn’t answer. Now OK! has learned that it was Sam who changed the gate code and disconnected the numbers to Britney’s six cell phones and her house phone. Frustrated, Adnan then asked the security guard let him in, but the guard told him he was under strict instructions from Sam not to let Adnan past the gate.

Adnan later told a paparazzi photographer that Sam was sending him threatening text messages, calling him a “manic trigger” and telling him, “If you continue to have any contact with her, you’ll kill her.” At 9:00 p.m., Britney reportedly jumped in her Mercedes and went speeding down Coldwater Canyon Drive with 15 to 20 paparazzi in tow. She abandoned her car in the San Fernando Valley sometime around 10 p.m. and jumped into Adnan’s car.

With TMZ adding:

The LAPD were called to the scene to contain the paparazzi crush that was trying to shoot the fight.

Curiously, a similar incident went down at Seabreeze Vista trailer park in Inglewood last night around ten-thirty p.m. Elwood “T.J.” Thompson, 19, and brothers J.T. and P.J. Rogers were arrested outside a mobile home belonging to Vicky Jo Tanner and Marlene Mayburs, both exotic dancers at T.J.’s Bare ‘N’ Legal Barbeque Buffet. All charges against Thompson were dropped once it was discovered Tanner set the fire herself and was never in fact pregnant. Mayburs and Rogers were arrested for public intoxication and indecent exposure and possession of a controlled substance without a prescription. I swear, it’s almost like Britney’s looking in a goddamn mirror or something!

UPDATE: TMZ is reporting that Britney’s parents and sister all came down to L.A. last night to stage an “intervention” on her behalf. Yep, looks like that went just swimmingly!

Tears of a clown:

Even though Britney Spears routinely says she’s “afraid” of the paparazzi, the truth is that she personally tips them off herself to ensure her every boil-riddled, floppy-nipped move will be captured by their cameras. According to Page Six

Lensman Alison Silva tells celebrity private eye Paul Barresi: “Britney is in on it. [She] calls the paparazzi before she goes out. We know 15 minutes before she leaves the house. It’s all staged.” Silva adds that when four photographers were arrested last week for chasing [Spears], “one of [them who] works for my company told me that Britney sent him a text message and said she was sorry. She tried to talk the cops into not arresting them… It’s part of her life. Britney is in on the sham.”

And to further prove how much she fears them, she spent the last three weeks with Final Pixx photographer Adnan Ghalib and then Sunday night with some dudes from X17. Here she is in her car with Filipe from the Fame agency. She’s either learning to control her fear to prepare for battle with the dark lord of the Sith or else she’s a damn liar. A light saber I see not, hmm! Already know you that which is the answer.

With BFF Filipe the photographer:

Jesus Christ. Not even nine-thirty and there’s already too much Britney shit to fit in one post. Well, I’m doing it in anyway. Just try and stop me! First:

CelebTV has video of Spears — minus pants, of course — and new paparazzi BF Abu Ghraib sharing a lollipop “on the deck of a Southern California bungalow Saturday night,” along with additional video of them slobbering all over each other’s faces like a couple of lovesick teenagers. This is newsworthy because, according to the Daily Mail

Britney Spears’s new paparazzi boyfriend has been touting around intimate pictures taken of them together in recent days with a staggering [$1 million] price tag. It is not known whether Spears is aware that her new companion is trying to turn a profit on their relationship. She may even be in on the deal, in so doing making a profit for herself and also being able to control which pictures of her go out.

So the real question is, who decided Britney didn’t need to wear pants in these pictures? I’ve got my money on Pap Smear there. Word on the street is that he’s a regular smooth talker.

One friend described Adnan as “a typical Asian Brummie” who could “talk the hind legs off a donkey.”

“Hind legs off a donkey,” was it? What about “saddlebags off a breeding sow” or “stink off a retard?” That ought to pretty much cover the many nuances of Britney Spears. But curiously, Papiloma was nowhere to be found when Britney got a flat yesterday in L.A., probably because he was too busy selling those intimate pant-less pictures of her. People magazine says

Driving her white Mercedes and accompanied by her assistant, Spears popped a tire in Brentwood after visiting a drug store. With the paparazzi on her tail, she continued to drive with the flat a few miles down the road without her lights on. Spears was given a ride away from the scene – not by the police, but by photographers who had been trailing her.

Where’s a busted “bridge out” sign and a 90-foot cliff when you really need one? A fiery explosion that culminates with Britney Spears trapped in a German coffin at the bottom of the Pacific is really the only way to end this post properly. Otherwise, it’s all exposition and no resolution. Kinda like watching “Magnolia” without punching yourself in the face at the end.

More of Brit and her “flat tires,” plus some of knocked up sister Jamie cradling a GED course book. Cue the banjo music!

I hope everyone out there in readerland had a very Merry Christmas and Chocolate Kwanzaa¹ and Explosive Eid-ul-Adha or whatever the hell holiday you celebrated in order to get a couple of days off from work. In case you missed it, Britney Spears sure did, even getting visited by the Ghost of Wieners Present at the Peninsula Hotel late Sunday night. According to Us Weekly

Spears’ “wild date” began Saturday night with the [Finalpixx paparazzi] photographer Adnan handing Spears his business card at a gas station after he heard she “liked” him. Soon after getting his card, Spears contacted him and, after meeting up, the pair was later spotted holding hands at a supermarket. “After discussing the possibility of him coming into her house she said that her house was too dirty and that she would rather go to a hotel… so they changed cars and she went back to her house to freshen up while Adnan parked down the road and waited for her. She then came out in her car and they both drove to an L.A. hotel.”

The photographer departed the hotel at 6 a.m. Sources say Spears left at around 9 a.m. and returned to her nearby home off Mulholland Drive.

So the homecoming queen has taken to fucking the school janitor. Granted, the homecoming queen got knocked up a couple of times and put on thirty pounds and smells a little bit like bologna and cheese, but still. He’s paparazzi. Britney might as well pork a fry cook or marry a backup dancer or something. See, it’s funny because she already did that! I swear, sometimes this shit just writes itself.

¹_{Copyright Ray Nagin 2006}

Britney after dropping off the kiddies yesterday night: