Paris Hilton was “greatly offended” when a reporter on Australia’s version of The Today Show dared to insinuate that one day, she might not be famous anymore. Radar Online says:

Correspondent Edwina Bartholmew asked Paris, “What about when you’re not famous anymore, what are you going to do?”

The 31-year-old Hilton responded by saying that she “just wants to be able to have children and have a normal life with my kids.”

Although she said it all in her typical Paris baby-tone complete with a smile, her publicist later made it clear that the heiress was not happy with being asked about losing her fame.

Sunrise producers were told that if they aired the full interview they would not be allowed on the red carpet at the opening of [the Marquee casino] that night.

The show didn’t take kindly to being threatened by Hilton and ran it anyway, and the clip of the segment provides a hilarious insight into the real world of Paris.

Things did not end on such friendly terms with Channel 7, the Australian network that broadcasts Sunrise. They’ve now been banned from interviewing Paris ever again.

Banned from ever interviewing Paris again? Such a blow to Australian morning television! Think of all the witty repartee and clever banter that will never be exchanged! Interviewing her is practically like engaging the Algonquin Round Table itself. I don’t think Channel 7 will ever fully recover.

At Bondi Beach in Australia last weekend:

If you thought Kim Kardashian’s “Turn it Up” was bad, brace yourself for the auditory equivalent of an ass-raping with a fistful of plastic sporks: Paris Hilton’s new song “Drunk Text.” It was recorded over a year ago and it’s not part of her new album, but somehow it’s just now finding its way online. It’s absolutely godawful. I mean it. It’s seriously the worst song I’ve ever heard in my life. It makes “The Stars are Blind” sound like Beethoven’s fucking Ninth Symphony. I couldn’t even listen all the way through.

Paris Hilton up and walked out of ABC News interview at her L.A. home earlier this week when correspondent Dan Harris dared to suggest that her new show’s poor ratings indicated that she was “past her prime” and no longer the reality star du jour. “Du jour” of course meaning “of the butt.” Good Morning America says:

Others [i.e. the Kardashians] have usurped her role at the top of the reality television pecking order [and] her latest series, “The World According to Paris” debuted to a dismal 400,000 viewers.

Though Hilton said that she doesn’t feel that [Kim] Kardashian [is] overshadowing her and that [her show's poor] ratings didn’t bother her, she walked out of the interview with the mention of her moment having passed.

After storming off, Hilton eventually returned to the interview after some cajoling to discuss her ideas about her own reinvention.

I never understood Paris Hilton’s appeal in the first place. She’s built like a giraffe and she’s got the one wonky eye and that baby voice thing she and Kim Kardashian do is goddamn repulsive. My jaw and fist involuntarily clench up just at the sight of them. And once I’ve clenched my fist, it cannot be un-clenched until it has spilled blood. Or drywall. Needless to say, “Keeping up with the Kardashians” cost me my deposit on more than one apartment.

This is supposed to be “The Dark Side of Paris Hilton” in V Magazine’s Transformations Issue, but she’s not made up to look like a Sith lord. All they did was digitally shave two inches off her nose and hit the airbrush until she was completely unrecognizable. They could have put Darth Vader’s helmet over her head and she’d still look more like Paris Hilton than this bitch does.

In news that absolutely no one cares about, Paris Hilton and club owner Cy Waits have gone their separate ways after nearly a year together. The Daily Mail says:

‘They are broken up,’ the pal said. ‘It’s sad. [Paris] cares about him a lot and thinks he’s a great guy, but they really hit a rough patch.’

According to friends of the couple, Waits has grown tired of being the center of attention and his reluctance to live a high-profile life sparked their split.

‘[Cy has] found it difficult to live his life with her [Hilton] in the spotlight and that’s what caused their split,’ the source said.

What “spotlight” are they talking about, exactly? She hasn’t been marketable since before The Simple Life got canceled, her album flopped, her new reality show flopped, and everybody knows she has herpes. Having a cop shine a flashlight in her face through the driver’s side window is about as close to the spotlight as she’s gonna get these days.

In Beverly Hills yesterday:

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

Paris Hilton’s boyfriend Cy Waits was attacked yesterday as he and Paris were walking into an L.A. courthouse to testify against a man who allegedly tried to break into her house last year. FUN FACT: the man who attacked Cy also tried to break into Paris’ house last year! Weird, huh? Amazing how many people all want to break in and disembowel Paris Hilton, including yours truly. TMZ says:

The suspect, James Rainford, was popped in front of Hilton’s pad in the Hollywood Hills back in October after sneaking on to her property and then getting in to an altercation with Paris’ private security.

Today, Rainford smacked Waits in the back of the head as Cy and Paris were walking into a hearing where Paris was set to testify against a different man who allegedly sneaked on to her property and pulled out a knife last year.

We’re told Cy’s bodyguard immediately apprehended Rainford and turned him over to LAPD.

I’m sure the first thing that crossed your mind when you read that was, “What is Cy fucking Waits doing with a bodyguard?” Jesus, what a waste of a job. The only protection that dude needs comes in the form of condoms and a shot of penicillin.

Arriving at the courthouse:

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

It’s a well-known fact that Paris Hilton is a racist — remember this little video where she drops the N-word a bunch of times — and now a new book featuring a transcript of an interview she gave when she was 18 depicts her as a full-blown white supremacist. Nine MSN says:

The book’s author Neil Strauss interviewed Paris at a party when she was 18, “during which she takes a hit of E… brags about her boob job at 14 (her mum made her remove them), a possible pose for Playboy, and a would-be conquest that didn’t happen because…”

In Paris’s own words:

HILTON: I went out with that guy last night.

STRAUSS: Which guy?

HILTON (points to an actor in Saving Private Ryan): We were making out, but then we went somewhere where it was bright and I saw that he was black and made an excuse and left. I can’t stand black guys. I would never touch one. It’s gross. (pauses). Does that guy look black to you?

STRAUSS: How black does a guy have to be?

HILTON: One percent is enough for me.

Believe it or not, some people don’t even realize just how racist they are. That’s why I created this handy test. Choose the best answer from each of the questions below and then tally your points at the bottom to see where you rank on the racist scale.

1. Two black guys decide to jump off a building; who lands first?
A) Who cares?
B) Yo momma
C) Whoever the cop shoots first

2. What is black, purple, and yellow?
A) An L.A. Laker
B) A Chinese guy after a beating
C) A black person going to church.

3. A black guy and his black girlfriend are in a car. Who’s driving?
A) The cop
B) The getaway driver
C) Colonel Sanders

4. What do you do when you see a black man with half a face?
A) Lock your doors and hide your purse
B) Stop laughing and reload
C) Cross your legs so he can’t rape you

RESULTS: They were trick questions, because all the answers were racist! So if you answered A, B or C for any of the above, you, sir, are a racist. Frankly, you disgust me.

Paris leaving BOA last night:

PHOTO CREDIT: Fame Pictures

Laugh, and the world laughs with you. Put boxing gloves on two of Hollywood’s most worthless and people will line up to see them go at it. Digital Spy reports,

Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton have been offered a combined fee of $1 million to compete in a celebrity boxing match.

Hollywood Boxing Federation’s Damon Feldman said that proceeds from the bout would be donated to an anti-drug and alcohol charity, RadarOnline reports.

Feldman said: “We’re calling it the battle of the bad girls of Hollywood… This is a perfect way for the two ladies to give back.

“This would be nothing more than a fun match-up, and Paris and Lindsay have both dabbled with boxing training in the past.”

He noted that, should they agree to compete over three one-minute rounds, the women would be kitted out in “big pillow-sized boxing gloves”.

“[Lindsay's father] Michael could even help train Lindsay as he is undefeated in Celebrity Boxing,” Feldman added.

They’re going at this all wrong. If you really want people to come and pay to see Lindsay and Paris fight each other, it can’t be with big pillowy gloves. Tell the contestants that the winner gets a lifetime supply of drugs, booze and Valtrex. Then you hand them sawed-off shotguns. It might get a little bloody, but come on, it’s for charity!

Jessica Biel in a bikini in Hawaii, because let’s face it, no one wants to see more of either Lindsay or Paris:

Think you know who Paris Hilton is? According to her, she only plays “vapid self-absorbed idiot” on TV. Says Female First,

Paris Hilton will show her “real” self in her new TV show.

The 29-year-old heiress has promised ‘The World According to Paris’ – which will air on US network Oxygen in the spring -will show her how she really is, unlike the “character” she created to appear with pal Nicole Richie on ‘The Simple Life’ between 2003 and 2007.

She said: “On ‘The Simple Life’, I was playing a character I kind of invented. I didn’t realise the show would last five seasons, so I had to keep doing it.

“I think people assume that’s really how I am in real life. But when I’m with my friends and my family is when I feel most comfortable and myself. In the show, it really shows the real Paris.”

So all this time she’s just been Method acting. She really isn’t a stupid twat, it’s all been an act! Oh Paris, you really got me. So…when are you going to start acting like the smart, responsible and productive citizen that you must be underneath this brainless exterior? I’m waaaaitiiing…

At the NBC Universal 2011 Winter TCA Press Tour All-Star Party:

All Paris Hilton’s ass is missing is a couple of pats of butter and some warm maple syrup.

At the launch of her new MotoGP racing team SuperMartxe VIP by Paris Hilton:

PHOTO CREDIT: Fame Pictures

I wish I could tell you that minutes after Paris Hilton finished this photo shoot, that there was an (un)fortunate landslide that smothered her gangly body in a heap of earth, but I can’t. I know, I’m just as bummed out about it as you. The only silver lining is that you can see her boobs in a couple of the pictures. What? You expect me to have standards? I do celebrity blogging, for Pete’s sake.

Two first thumbnails NSFW for side-boobage action:

Paris Hilton was in the passenger seat of boyfriend Ty Waits’ Bentley when he allegedly ran over one of the paparazzi that swarmed his car outside a Hollywood restaurant last night. Radar Online says:

Video of the incident clearly shows that Waits was behind the wheel of his Bentley when he ran over the leg of a photographer, only identified as ‘Carol’.

The car was surrounded by paparazzi when Waits “gunned” the car and hit the woman, who was knocked to the pavement.

The video shows Waits rolled down his window and asked if the pap was OK, to which another photographer responded, “yes” and told him to go.

Waits and Hilton then left the scene of the accident, but then on the video, you can hear someone yelling, “hit and run… hit and run.”

Police were called to the scene and were later seen questioning Waits, and giving him a field sobriety test.

I hate Paris Hilton as much as the next anonymous blogger, but if you watch the video (here), you’ll see it was clearly the dumbass photographer’s fault. A) She goes into the street and stands IN FRONT OF THE GODDAMN CAR to take her pictures, and B) Paris’ boyfriend waits a good thirty seconds so the paparazzi can get their stupid pictures, then gives a courtesy honk, then revs the engine to indicating his intent to move forward, and only then does he begin to inch forward when fatty collapses to the ground in a heap. At that point, Waits rolls down his window and asks if fatty’s okay (fatty’s already up and walking out of the street — where she shouldn’t have been in the first place, mind you — to go and sit down on the sidewalk) and another paparazzo tells him “oh, she’s fine” and that they should “go ahead and go.” All the moaning and wailing and accusations of hit and run conveniently don’t start until after Paris and Ty pull away. Bottom line: you can’t make yourself the victim and then expect me to feel sorry for you. Rewarding the culture of victimhood is really more of a job for the current administration, anyway.

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures