Since being dumped by Samantha Ronson two weeks ago, Lindsay Lohan has reverted back to her old pre-rehab self: boozing, clubbing, and all the penis she can swallow — including that of British paparazzo Chris Jepson. According to Page Six

On April 15, Lohan and Jepson were inseparable at a Hollywood Hills house party. They even went into a bathroom together and didn’t come out for quite some time.

Friends fear that Lohan is in a “meltdown” situation and has no career to fall back on.

Since the Ronson split, the former starlet has not only gone back to men — she’s also gone back to partying all night, every night. Last week, she hit six clubs in one evening. Lohan doesn’t have a rep and her former publicist didn’t return calls.

Now, let’s see… floundering career, boning the paparazzi, bulimia, drugs, binge drinking, compulsive spending and a very publicly failed relationship. Now why does this sound so familiar? Just give me a minute and I’m sure it’ll come to me.

The picture of health shopping on Melrose with sister Ali:

Lindsay Lohan guzzled vodka and staggered around the dance floor at Times Square’s Hawaiian Tropic Zone Saturday night while best friend Samantha Ronson manned the turntables. People Magazine says

Drinking Grey Goose and Red Bull cocktails, she danced the night away with girlfriends… tossing her hair around and doing full body rolls.

Monkey rolls? Moneky rolls? Sorry, I don’t care who you are — the only time it’s ever appropriate to employ the somersault into your day-to-day dealings is if someone in an eye patch is gripping the helm and yelling, “Haul on the main brace, make ready the guns and run out the sweeps or I’ll nail yer gizzards to the mast, ye poxy curs!” It also helps if you’re on a 17th century brigantine and have a pegleg and parrot. Otherwise, you just look like a total douche.

Drink up, me hearties, yo ho: