Lady Gaga had some technical issues while performing the closing song at her show in New Zealand on Saturday, and by “technical issues,” I mean “she appeared to have taken a fistful of ecstasy and PCP before performing.” Things start to go bad around the 0:57 mark, when she stops dancing and singing to sit down on the stage floor and rest for half a minute. Then she gets back up and kinda waves her arms around and blows some kisses but has to sit back down again, only this time she pulls off her ridiculous headpiece (1:37 mark) while she’s at it. Then she does a couple more half-hearted arm flails before almost tipping over (1:56), and at the 2:24 mark she decides, “Okay, I’ll just crawl around on my hands and knees here for a minute,” but realizes that’s too hard once she actually attempts it. Finally, she just gives the fuck up and lays down on the stage and does this kind of half-assed thrashing from her prostrate position on the floor (3:01).
I think it’s pretty obvious what’s going on here. She clearly got her hands on the video from my sister’s wedding and stole all my signature dance moves. WTF?! She was smart enough to leave out the part where I vomit on myself and convulse uncontrollably, so technically I can’t sue her for copyright infringement. Believe me, I already checked.