Don’t you just love hearing an inspiring story of someone who’s overcome the odds, set his sights high and accomplished the impossible? Look no further than R. Kelly. Digital Spy reveals his secret:

R Kelly has admitted that he struggles to read.

The rapper added that he was inspired to write by one of his teachers in high school, Showbiz Spy reports.

“When I was trying to make it out here, I already knew, and I was stubborn about it,” he said. “I don’t even read really and I’m not afraid to say that. My cousins and brother used to tease me, ‘You can’t even read right. How you think you’re going to come up?’

“The only reason I graduated from grammar school is because I had a great jump shot. I went to high school and my teacher told me, ‘You will be one of the greatest writers of all time’.

“I believed. You [have to] believe it. You can’t believe [anything] if you’re hating. You can’t achieve [anything] if you’re hating.”

I swear I can hear “I Believe I Can Fly” playing right now. Nothing says “you’ve made it!” like having a penchant for having sex with underage girls and dousing them in your urine. It’s so beautiful I’m about to cry.

Why would Amy Winehouse pay for Stridex and OxyClean to clear up her face when she’s already got two perfectly good working kidneys? Last time I checked, urine come cheap. Real cheap. When I checked, I was leaning against a barn in with a stalk of hay between my lips and tipping my hat. Boy howdy! The Daily Star says

A friend [of Amy's] said “Amy’s tried all sorts of lotions and potions but none works. She is desperately unhappy with her appearance and she is happy to try anything that may clear up her condition. She is praying [putting] urine [on her face] will work.”

The only thing that could be worse than a greasy pork sandwich served in a dirty ashtray is a greasy pork sandwich served in an dirty ashtray hosed down with urine. That Chet from “Weird Science” was some kind of goddamn visionary.