Former “Danity Kane” singer (?) Aubrey O’Day is headlining with Holly Madison at the topless revue “Peep Show” in Vegas, and you’re probably wondering why there haven’t been any semi-nude pictures of their performance leaked online until now. Well, click on the (NSFW) header and wonder no more Ugh. Without the Playboy airbrushing, Holly Madison has some of the most hideous breast implants I’ve ever seen. Her nipples are maybe the size of dimes on these ridiculous D-sized domes — almost like a slightly-larger-than-normal moles instead of nipples, really — not to mention that one of them is a good inch higher than the other and pointed in a different direction. Aubrey O’Day looks like any chick at a frat party who’s put on the freshman fifteen but still insists on pulling off her shirt because she’s so drunk. And before you go and say something about the pot calling the kettle black, I’ll have you jerks know I’m not in college anymore. So in your fucking face, smartypants!

I’m not really sure what the hell’s going on in these pictures, aside from the obvious and terrifying figurine fetishism.  I suppose it’s probably just some dumb stunt to promote Holly Madison’s involvement in “Peepshow”, which is about Vegas sluts or something like that.  It might actually be a burlesque show.  I have no idea, because I don’t care.  Whatever — look, I get the connection between quickie nuptials and Vegas, but what the shit does the Travelocity gnome have to do with naked ladies?  Who knew that little troll was such a player?

Anyway, if for some inexplicable reason you’re really interested in the goings-on of Hugh Hefner’s castoffs, there’s an article about this nonsense in the Las Vegas Sun.  I didn’t read it, because words are hard and readin’s for nerds.  This ass ain’t paid to think, you know?