People, you got it all wrong. Jennifer Aniston doesn’t hate Angelina Jolie! She moved on from that years ago! She’s totally happy and those pictures of her plastered all over her wall with devil horns and beards drawn in with Sharpies are just for shits and giggles! Digital Spy says,

According to Life & Style, the former Friends actress was asked by blogger Perez Hilton to discuss her true feelings about Jolie, who was allegedly behind her split with ex-husband Brad Pitt.

Hilton told the publication that Aniston was adamant about having moved on from the incident and holds no ill will towards Jolie or Pitt.

“Jen said, ‘Look, that was so long ago, and we’ve moved on and we’re all adults’,” Hilton explained.

“I believe what she has to say. I think she really has moved on.”

He also revealed that Aniston still has an active romantic life, adding: “She told me that she dates a lot. [She] just makes sure not to go anywhere public.”

Hilton claims that Aniston made the comments when the pair had a chance encounter in a parking garage.

Never mind that after spending a Thanksgiving weekend holed up with BFF Jennifer, Chelsea Handler just happened to want to call Angelina a home-wrecking cunt on her show. I’m positive that Jen had nothing to do with it. Nope. She’s totally moved on.

At the NY premiere of Just Go With It with Adam Sandler:

Faggot extraordinaire Perez Hilton posted a picture of a panty-less Miley Cyrus exposing her crotch as she stepped out of a car on his Twitter yesterday, saying:

“If you are easily offended, do NOT click here http://i46.tinypic.com/2zre4pv.jpg Oh, Miley! Warning: truly not for the easily offended!”

And by “the easily offended,” I assume he meant “the police,” because Miley Cyrus is only 17 years old, which would make pictures of her vagina very illegal under current child pornography laws. Except, upon further investigation, she actually IS wearing underpants. The dress she’s wearing is white, and you can totally see the outline of her knickers through the material (I took the liberty of circling it for you in the photos below). And just like that, the chance for Perez Hilton to spend the next six months in prison slips through the fingers of the American justice system like so many handfuls of Astroglide. I guess we’ll have to settle for him living inside the prison that is his own heart, just like the retard in “Sling Blade.”

Demi Moore has deemed gossip blogger Perez Hilton a “pedophile” after he put up pictures of her 15-year-old daughter Tallulah in a pair of short shorts and a titty-bearing top on his Twitter. Nine MSN says

Demi has labelled Perez a “pedophile” after he pointed out how skanky the clothes made Tallulah look.

“Anyone who advertises follows or supports Perez supports violating child pornography laws!” a furious Demi Tweeted after seeing the links. “Let me ask all of you, what is it called when someone is telling people to look and focus on a child’s ‘boobs & [ass]‘ while providing photos?”

Perez of course responded exactly like you’d expect an overweight insecure homosexual with something to prove to, Tweeting back,

“Expect another letter from my attorney, kitten. Xoxo. P.S. Bring it on, [bitch]! And thanks for drawing MORE attention to your daughter’s behavior and your parenting skills (or lack thereof). U r real smart! … I would not let my 15 year old daughter dress like that under ANY context. You are delusional and slightly senile!”

You know, Demi does raise a valid question — what do you call someone who makes a career out of putting up inappropriate pictures of underage celebrities (see here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here and here)? I need to know so I can update my business cards. I’m a professional now!

Pedophile pictures in question (courtesy Starz Life):

Remember when Perez Hilton got punched right in his big fat puss at the Much Music Awards earlier this week? Remember how he called Will. I. Am “faggot” and “motherfucking liar” and swore up and down that it was Will. I. Am who assaulted him? Yeah, not so much. Turns out the man who struck Perez was Will. I. Am’s road manager Polo Molina, and now Perez is filing a civil lawsuit against him. TMZ says

Hilton is suing Polo Molina for battery and an intentional infliction of emotional distress. The suit wants payback in excess of $25,000.

Hilton’s attorney released the following statement:

“Perez Hilton files this lawsuit to protect his freedom of speech and seeks legal redress against those who have physically assaulted him because they do not like his review of their album. Whether you love Perez or hate him, he is entitled to his freedom of speech without fear of physical violence. This lawsuit will make the statement that violence is never the answer.”

And now, Perez is apologizing — not to the man he wrongly accused of assault; not to the woman he called a “fugly bitch” and on whom he routinely draws wieners; not to GLAAAD for his using of a homophobic slur; not to Isaiah Washington for publicly campaigning for his termination from “Grey’s Anatomy” for having said the word “faggot;” and not to Jesse Metcalfe for writing that Metcalfe deserved the beating he got outside a Hollywood night club last year — but to himself, for being such a poor helpless victim. He writes on his site:

I am speaking out because I realize that the last few days have been more hurtful to me – and many others – than the repeated blows I suffered to my head in Toronto this past weekend.

I am sorry that any good work I have done for promoting equality may be tainted by me reclaiming a hurtful word – that’s been personally used against me and the gay community – to hurt someone that was verbally attacking me. It was stupid.

The “F” word will never be uttered from my lips again. I challenge [others] to remove it from their vocabulary as well.

I should have been the bigger man and walked away from an unfortunate situation. Instead, I chose… to stand up for myself and only made things worse by how I – under pressure, anger and extreme emotion – handled the situation.

I am NOT apologizing to GLAAD. I could care less about them, my former employers.

I am apologizing to the gay community and to all the people who have ever emailed me to thank me for all that I have done to fight for gay rights over the last few years.

I will be donating any money collected from my lawsuit against Polo Molina, road manager for the Black Eyed Peas, to the Matthew Shepard Foundation.

And I will continue to speak out for equality and support the great work done by LGBT organizations, such as LAMBDA Legal and HRC.

Sincerely,
Perez

I really think the cab driver in “Old School” said it best: “I recommend you stop being such a faggot.” It’s the very same advice I gave my kid when I dropped him off at summer camp.

Celebrity gossip blogger Perez Hilton alledgedly got his ass beat by Black Eyed Peas frontman Will.i.am (douche in the faggy sunglasses on the far right here) and his security guards last night at the Much Music Awards in Toronto. Around 3 a.m., Hilton tweeted

• PerezHilton: I’m in shock. I need the police ASAP. Please come to the SoHo Metropolitan Hotel now. Please.

• PerezHilton: I was assaulted by Will.I.Am of the Black Eyed Peas and his security guards. I am bleeding. Please, I need to file a police report. No joke.

• PerezHilton: Still waiting for the police. The bleeding has stopped. I need to document this. Please, can the police come to the SoHo Met Hotel.

Will.I.am then created his own Twitter account in response to the accusations made by Hilton, writing

“i just made a twitter account because it isnt cool for someone to blame you and blast you with lies. I was the one that came to him with respect, and he was the one who called me a faggot outside the club.”

Of course Perez Hilton got assaulted last night. Just take a look at what he was wearing, for Chrissakes. It’s the magical outfit equivalent of a giant kick-me sign. I’m just surprised no one took him down sooner.

Watch Will. I. Am’s response video here.

UPDATE: Watch Perez’ hilarious sobbing video here.

Perez and the Black Eyed Peas on the red carpet, plus some of the Black Eyed Peas rehearsing before the show:

You can thank incomprehensibly popular gossip blogger Perez Hilton for the recent influx of Lady Gaga. He has single-handedly convinced the world that she’s relevant, and nobody seems to want to argue. Well, I have news for you, people. He’s fucking wrong. And I have it on good authority that “ferosh” and “fierce” and “brings the fabulosity,” when translated from the gay, actually means “all gimmick and no talent.” Kinda like Perez Hilton himself. Us heteroes like to call that “irony.”

It’s a shame to waste the words “Spencer Pratt” and “beating” without the words “barely-conscious victim of,” but here goes: Spencer came to the defense of his sister Stephanie’s honor by punching her ex-boyfriend Cameron Huston in the face. Star Magazine says

Things got hostile at swanky West Hollywood lounge Coco de Ville on Jan. 17 when Spencer spotted Cameron and immediately started a heated argument. An eyewitness says Spencer lost it and smashed his sister’s ex in the face!

“Cameron had to be taken to a local hospital,” a witness tells Star. “There was blood; there was screaming. It was a major scene.”

Bullshit. Last time I checked, dog-paddling the air with your eyes squinched shut doesn’t count as actual fighting. The only thing that Spencer knows how to do with his fist involves a frantic up and down motion and several ounces of hand lotion.

With fellow fame whores Heidi Montag, Perez Hilton and the Kardashians at Perez’ book signing: