In case you don’t have enough reasons not to watch American Idol, here’s another one: Teri Hatcher. According to Rush and Molloy

You’ve been forewarned: Teri Hatcher will sing on the “American Idol Gives Back” special to air next Wednesday. She’ll back up The Band From TV, which includes her “Desperate Housewives” co-star Jamie Denton, “House’s” Hugh Laurie, “Heroes’” Greg Grunberg and “Cashmere Mafia’s” Bonnie Somerville.

Who knew Teri Hatcher was a woman of so many talents? I don’t mean her acting, obviously, but rather her natural ability to withstand enough botulinum poison to fell a small horse and her proficiency for vomiting on command. Usually those sorts of gifts are relegated to cancer patients undergoing radiation and the Elementals like Mana Surge and Entropic Beasts. You’re probably thinking, “What about the Fel Reaver guardian in the Eye of Tempest Keep, smartypants?” Well, it should be noted that Void Reaver doesn’t count because he is not immune to the poison from Romulo’s Vial since it’s considered a Nature Damage Effect and not a Poison Effect. It should also be noted that I am a virgin and incredibly lonely.

Jessica Simpson is heading to Kuwait next month to entertain the troops overseas. That’s in Canada, right? She writes on her fan site

“Hey ya’ll. I just wanted to say hi, and let you know that I… am heading to Kuwait to do a show for the troops for Operation MySpace, then back in the studio. I love you all and am so blessed by the support and love you show me everyday!! xoxo jess “

Unless she plans oiling herself up and singing topless while hopping around on a pogo stick, I doubt there’s gonna be a whole lot of “entertaining” going on in Kuwait. In fact, when asked if they knew what “A Public Affair” was, several enlisted men volunteered, “Is that the one where that girl fucks these all those dudes in the middle of Times Square?” and “No, no, you’re thinking of ‘Public Ass-Pounding,’ dude,” then offered to show me six different ways he could crush a beer can without using his hands. Believe me, Marines have all the entertainment they need even without Jessica Simpson there.

Jessica leaving Katsuya Restaurant in Hollywood last Wednesday: