Selena Gomez has gushed like a stupid twat of a schoolgirl how she likes to smell good for “boyfriend” Justin Bieber. God, I hate teenagers. There’s nothing that makes me act like a crotchety old broad than giggly girls. Says Digital Spy,

Selena Gomez has said that smelling good for boyfriend Justin Bieber is important.

The Wizards of Waverly Place actress will debut her new self-titled fragrance in early 2012 and has promised that the scent will truly capture her essence.

“My perfume, right now, I want it to be really romantic. I want it to be sweet and sophisticated,” she revealed to Access Hollywood.

Gomez then revealed that she likes to use a variety of scents to entice boyfriend Bieber.

“To be honest, that’s what every girl thinks – that they want to smell good for the boy they like at school or for a crush,” the young star explained. “That’s what the main thing is.”

Gomez has invited her fans to help select the scents for her new perfume by voting on her website.

It’s amazing the scents they can synthesize these days in a laboratory. I’m sure it was really difficult to develop that perfect scent for Bieber. There’s all sorts of nuances to the smell of the underside of a man’s balls.

Shots from the photoshoot for her perfume:

Victoria’s Secret supermodels Candice Swanepoel and Erin Heatherton were aptly dressed for the launch of their latest Angel fragrance and the Dream Angels bra at the Victoria’s Secret in SoHo yesterday. All I know is if I’m ever on the operating table and I code, this better damn well be what I see when I go into the light. Anything else will make heaven a giant disappointment.

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

Jennifer Aniston promoted her new perfume at Sephora in New York City yesterday in a strategically-cut Vivienne Westwood dress that showed off her “peek-a-boo cleavage.” I’ve done the whole peek-a-boo cleavage thing myself, and to be honest, the other ladies I was playing with didn’t seem to be enjoying it all. Patty-cake cleavage was also not a big hit. The arresting officer said it was technically misdemeanor sexual assault. It’s probably best that I saved the itsy-bitsy-spider cleavage for at home in front of the mirror.

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

Jumping on the celebrity-with-a-perfume bandwagon, Nicki Minaj hopes to have her own fragrance sometime soon. I’ve always wondered what “gussied-up she-male baboon” smells like. Digital Spy reports,

Nicki Minaj has expressed hope that she will be able to launch her first signature fragrance later this year.

Stars including Christina Aguilera and Khloe Kardashian have released their own perfumes in the last few months, and the ‘Moment 4 Life’ singer has now revealed that she plans to join their ranks.

“Hopefully I’ll do one this year,” Minaj told Allure magazine. “I like scents that feel summery, but have a va-va-voom. I want to smell like a sexy and confident woman, not like candy.”

Everyone thinks that smelling “summery” is a good thing. But in her case, I don’t think it would be so much “flowers and ocean breeze” as “the rank smell that emanates from a fat woman’s crack when she bends over in Wal-Mart in July”. Believe me, if she wants her scent to be unforgettable, that’s the way to go.

Being a class act with a dildo onstage (so NSFW) :

I know I don’t look at a picture of Lady Gaga without thinking, “Boy, I wish I could smell like that.” Looks like my dreams are about to come true! Pop Eater says:

According to Fashionista, the shocking superstar is developing her first fragrance, and Mother Monster has reportedly requested that the scent “smell of blood and semen.”

I’ll save you the $59.95 and give you a DIY version: have period sex, but halfway through, stop and put a condom on before you continue. Then when it’s all done, you just dump whatever’s inside the condom into one of those fancy glass atomizers and have at it. Voila! You smell just like Lady Gaga. For free. You’re welcome!

Oh goody! Rihanna’s new perfume has landed the seal of approval by PETA. She should celebrate by eating a burger! Says Digital Spy,

Rihanna’s new fragrance Reb’l Fleur has been approved by animal rights activists at PETA.

The singer, whose scent will be available from January 25 in the US, has been praised for refusing to use a corporation that tests products on animals.

PETA senior vice president Dan Mathews sent the 22-year-old a big bouquet of flowers to thank her for considering animals.

He told WENN: “Rihanna’s decision to team up with Parlux is as kind to animals as her music is to your ears.

“By renouncing animal tests, Parlux is proving that beauty doesn’t have to have an ugly side.”

Yeah yeah, except I’m pretty positive those places that don’t do animal testing are using the knowledge gained by others who have. If they really want to be completely animal-friendly, they shouldn’t stand on the shoulders of others and then turn around and point self-righteous fingers. They should start at the very beginning and use humans like Kim Kardashian, Lindsay Lohan and Snooki as their test-subjects. It’s about time they made themselves useful.

Going to Fred Segal:

Photo source: Fame Pictures

Jennifer Aniston’s new fragrance appears to be as captivating as her movie roles, as is evidenced by its stellar sales record. That’s my nice way of saying that it’s totally bombing. Hey, I’m still in the Christmas spirit. Digital Spy says,

Jennifer Aniston’s signature fragrance has reportedly suffered from poor sales since its launch.

Now reports that the actress’s lack of promotional work for The Debut has damaged the product’s chances.

An insider said: “Jen chose her perfume. But other than launching it at Harrods in London, she’s done no promotion.

“No-one knew where to find it and now everyone’s lost interest.”

No comment has been given by the scent’s producers, but the source commented: “They’re bound to be disappointed. They can’t figure out why no-one wants to smell like Jen.

“Marketing shows most people believe Jen smells ‘natural and clean’, which is the opposite of why you’d buy a perfume, so maybe that’s it.”

Or maybe the real reason is no one wants to shell out good money to smell like obsessed, bitter ex-wife. If they did, I’d already be bottling and selling it.

At the premiere of Dirt in Los Angeles:

After it received a number of complaints from Anglo-Saxon Protestant types that it was “too sexually provocative to be seen by young children before 7:30 p.m.,” the British Advertising Standards Authority has officialy banned a commercial featuring Beyoncé from daytime television. The freaks must come out at eight o’clock sharp on the other side of the pond. The Daily Mail says:

The ad shows the singer lying naked in the middle of a room.

She is then shown moving her hand down her neck and caressing her breast.

She begins dancing seductively with the camera showing her chest, back and thighs.

The ad closes with Beyoncé walking away from the camera, her footprints melting the floor. She turns and says: ‘Catch the fever.’ A male voiceover then says: ‘Beyoncé Heat. The first fragrance, by Beyoncé.’

Wait — so it’s supposed to be perfume? Well, that’s an unexpected twist! I just assumed it was hot sauce.

A few more screen grabs after the jump:

PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer-Griffin Online

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Black Eyed Peas singer Fergie is releasing her own signature scent for Avon next month called Outspoken. I personally liked Tinkle, Tinkle, Little Star, but nobody at Avon was down with that. The Daily Mail says:

Avon describe it as ‘a fragrance for a woman with fearless confidence, who is true to herself and her beliefs, who is outspoken, sexy, and unexpected.’

The perfume is said to contain base notes of Ebony and Black leather with frozen blackberry and saffron as top notes making is a very flowery and fruity mix.

To be honest, I thought she’d go for something a lot more paradichlorobenzine and Pinesol-y. Urinal cakes just seemed like her most logical source for inspiration.

At a concert in Paris last month:

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

I know what you’re thinking, but this isn’t the winner of the Annual Breathless Mahoney Drag Queen Contest at the Howard Johnson’s off Highway 27. It’s actually Paris Hilton “channeling” her idol Marilyn Monroe. There’s one Seven Year Itch that can only be cured with a shot of penicillin! “Some Like it Hot” is must be code for “It Burns When I Pee.”

Hawking her latest fragrance Skeeze Tease is L.A. last night (10 more after the jump):

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures, Bauer-Griffin Online

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Jennifer Aniston will be at Harrods’ department store this week to launch her new perfume “Lolavie.” No word as to whether she will be topless and staring soulfully like in the ad. The Daily Mail says:

Aniston’s perfume is called Lolavie, which roughly translates as ‘laughing at life,’ and is launching Wednesday at Harrods where the perfume will be sold exclusively.

It’s the debut fragrance for Aniston, 41, who says she has been involved with every step of the development process, from creating the scent to conceptualizing the ads which were shot at Aniston’s favorite holiday getaway spot, in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico.

Aniston says that her scent will smell ‘sexy and clean…floral but not too flowery.’

Just like the bottle reads! “Floral but not too flowery… with hints of vetiver and sandalwood, cresting with subtle top notes of desperation and rejection.” It’s probably the closest the manufacturer could come to actually bottling her tears.

Filming “Just Go With It” with SI covergirl Brooklyn Decker:

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

Taylor Momsen is halfway famous for a few things: she’s on that “Gossip Girl” show, she wears waaaay too much makeup, she dresses like a hooker even though she’s only 16, and she likes to pretend she’s “hardcore.”  Basically she’s Avril Lavigne, except she’s American instead of Canadianesian.  Apparently, Taylor Momsen would also really like to be famous for running her mouth off and sounding like a stupid asshole.  From OK! magazine:

While the rest of the world is expressing their concern for the people of Haiti while they struggle to recover from the 7.0-magnitude earthquake that has taken the lives of hundreds of thousands and left many more without food, shelter or medical care, Gossip Girl star Taylor Momsen tells OK! that, well… like, she’s just too busy right now to even pretend to care about the situation.

Last night, OK! caught up with the leggy teenager at the Victoria’s Secret store in NYC’s SoHo district, where she was promoting her new fragrance, Love Rocks. And when asked if she’s planning to follow the lead of stars like Wyclef Jean, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, who are making high-profile donations and pleas for help, Taylor told OK!, “Um, right now I’m trying to just finish my record and getting through the last season of Gossip Girl for right now. So not so much thinking about that.”

But before you think she’s both clueless and heartless, Taylor added, “But it’s awesome that everyone is ya know working towards a good cause.”

One topic Taylor could talk about more easily discuss was her new scent. “Well, I like that the scent is a little bit tougher than a lot of the other Victoria’s Secret scents that have been out,” she explained. “Ya know, it’s just a little bit more masculine which I like a lot. And the packaging looks really pretty on a vanity I think. And I like the little spray, what’s that called? An atomizer. I like the little atomizer.” So she knows what an atomizer is, but can’t manage to act like she cares about one of the biggest catastrophes in recent history. Good to know she’s got her priorities straight!

I love how OK! magazine is pretty much straight-up calling her a vapid piece of shit.  Look, I get that Taylor Momsen is 16, and that excuses a certain degree of youthful stupidity, but this is ridiculous.  She was asked about a horrific tragedy which devastated an entire country, and she answered by pimping her album and her show and saying she doesn’t give a shit about all those people who died.  I might’ve just considered her willfully ignorant had she answered by saying that she doesn’t know where Haiti is and she doesn’t watch the news or know how to read so she can’t offer an opinion on the subject.  I’d at least give her points for honesty, then.  But what she did instead was attempt to imply that she’s too busy and important to think about other human beings, even for the time it takes to utter one sentence.  What a useless little assclown.

Also, I’d like to know what the HELL Victoria’s Secret is thinking, partnering with a 16-year-old on a fragrance?  They’re a lingerie store, for Christ’s sake, and she’s a CHILD.  A child wearing a nightie.  In public.  As a dress.  She’s got on so much makeup that she looks closer to 34 than 16.  That’s creepy and disgusting.  Also seemingly disgusting: this perfume.  The setup they’ve got going here, with the cheesy rock ‘n roll theme and a kid dressed up like a stripper, just makes me think this perfume will smell like cigarettes, whiskey-sweat and pedophilia.

Taylor Momsen at the NYC launch of her new Victoria’s Secret perfume: