Jennifer Aniston will be at Harrods’ department store this week to launch her new perfume “Lolavie.” No word as to whether she will be topless and staring soulfully like in the ad. The Daily Mail says:

Aniston’s perfume is called Lolavie, which roughly translates as ‘laughing at life,’ and is launching Wednesday at Harrods where the perfume will be sold exclusively.

It’s the debut fragrance for Aniston, 41, who says she has been involved with every step of the development process, from creating the scent to conceptualizing the ads which were shot at Aniston’s favorite holiday getaway spot, in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico.

Aniston says that her scent will smell ‘sexy and clean…floral but not too flowery.’

Just like the bottle reads! “Floral but not too flowery… with hints of vetiver and sandalwood, cresting with subtle top notes of desperation and rejection.” It’s probably the closest the manufacturer could come to actually bottling her tears.

Filming “Just Go With It” with SI covergirl Brooklyn Decker:

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

Taylor Momsen is halfway famous for a few things: she’s on that “Gossip Girl” show, she wears waaaay too much makeup, she dresses like a hooker even though she’s only 16, and she likes to pretend she’s “hardcore.”  Basically she’s Avril Lavigne, except she’s American instead of Canadianesian.  Apparently, Taylor Momsen would also really like to be famous for running her mouth off and sounding like a stupid asshole.  From OK! magazine:

While the rest of the world is expressing their concern for the people of Haiti while they struggle to recover from the 7.0-magnitude earthquake that has taken the lives of hundreds of thousands and left many more without food, shelter or medical care, Gossip Girl star Taylor Momsen tells OK! that, well… like, she’s just too busy right now to even pretend to care about the situation.

Last night, OK! caught up with the leggy teenager at the Victoria’s Secret store in NYC’s SoHo district, where she was promoting her new fragrance, Love Rocks. And when asked if she’s planning to follow the lead of stars like Wyclef Jean, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, who are making high-profile donations and pleas for help, Taylor told OK!, “Um, right now I’m trying to just finish my record and getting through the last season of Gossip Girl for right now. So not so much thinking about that.”

But before you think she’s both clueless and heartless, Taylor added, “But it’s awesome that everyone is ya know working towards a good cause.”

One topic Taylor could talk about more easily discuss was her new scent. “Well, I like that the scent is a little bit tougher than a lot of the other Victoria’s Secret scents that have been out,” she explained. “Ya know, it’s just a little bit more masculine which I like a lot. And the packaging looks really pretty on a vanity I think. And I like the little spray, what’s that called? An atomizer. I like the little atomizer.” So she knows what an atomizer is, but can’t manage to act like she cares about one of the biggest catastrophes in recent history. Good to know she’s got her priorities straight!

I love how OK! magazine is pretty much straight-up calling her a vapid piece of shit.  Look, I get that Taylor Momsen is 16, and that excuses a certain degree of youthful stupidity, but this is ridiculous.  She was asked about a horrific tragedy which devastated an entire country, and she answered by pimping her album and her show and saying she doesn’t give a shit about all those people who died.  I might’ve just considered her willfully ignorant had she answered by saying that she doesn’t know where Haiti is and she doesn’t watch the news or know how to read so she can’t offer an opinion on the subject.  I’d at least give her points for honesty, then.  But what she did instead was attempt to imply that she’s too busy and important to think about other human beings, even for the time it takes to utter one sentence.  What a useless little assclown.

Also, I’d like to know what the HELL Victoria’s Secret is thinking, partnering with a 16-year-old on a fragrance?  They’re a lingerie store, for Christ’s sake, and she’s a CHILD.  A child wearing a nightie.  In public.  As a dress.  She’s got on so much makeup that she looks closer to 34 than 16.  That’s creepy and disgusting.  Also seemingly disgusting: this perfume.  The setup they’ve got going here, with the cheesy rock ‘n roll theme and a kid dressed up like a stripper, just makes me think this perfume will smell like cigarettes, whiskey-sweat and pedophilia.

Taylor Momsen at the NYC launch of her new Victoria’s Secret perfume:

Kim Kardashian’s stupid perfume is finally coming out, so if you’ve never been satisfied with Paris Hilton’s stinkspray, you can finally quit crying yourself to sleep every night.  From People:

Since Kim Kardashian first broke the news that she’d be creating a signature scent a-year-and-a-half ago, the reality star has kept us guessing about exactly what the fragrance would be like. But today she finally unveils a sizzling new campaign for the eponymous scent developed with Lighthouse Beauty exclusively to PEOPLE. Dressed in retro lingerie and a marabou coat, Kim swings from a circle that mirrors the smoky bottle, in an image that plays up her signature sex appeal. The scent itself mixes notes that were chosen to reflect aspects of her personality, with jasmine, tuberose and gardenia evoking her femininity and tonka bean and sandalwood suggesting an even softer side. For the time being, however, you can look — but not smell. The scent, which will range in price from $16 for a .33-oz. rollerball to $65 for a 3.4-oz. spray, won’t launch until February, exclusively at Sephora.

Awesome.  For the bargain price of just $65, now I can finally mist myself with the stench of a thousand flowers steeped in musk, with a whiff of urine.  I can’t wait!  Voluptuous new fragrance, indeed.  I’m especially encouraged by the fact that in her perfume’s very own ad, Kim Kardashian has a look on her face like she smelled a voluptuous fart.

Scarlett Johansson’s acting skills rank just between Sofia Coppola in “Godfather III” and a second grade play about the four food groups. Really, she’s terrible. She sucks. I don’t know how in God’s name she’s lasted in Hollywood this long. Well, I take that back — I do know. It’s called “boobs.” But even boobs can’t salvage her craptacular performance in her latest Dolce & Gabbana perfume commercial. Everything about her performance is stilted, affected, and trite. If she were any more wooden, I’d expect them to cut to Geppetto wishing on a star for a real boy.

Here’s a bunch of pictures of Alessandra Ambrosio (not) eating the same piece of cake for the launch of “Velvet-The Fragrance” at Victoria’s Secret in NYC.  After all, you don’t get to be a Victoria’s Secret model by eating, you know! You DO get to be a female sumo wrestler though. Ask me how!

Keira Knightley’s latest ad campaign for Chanel’s Coco Mademoiselle has been unveiled, and the boob they use in the photo (right) does not belong to Keira Knightley (left). I know for a fact that’s not what her tits look like. And not just because I look through her window with a high-powered infrared telescope from a park a mile due south of her flat, either. That’s just a lucky coincidence. Like they say, the proof is in the pudding!*

_{* Which I also know for a fact she doesn’t eat, thanks to my handy telescope.}

Actress Halle Berry has finally broken into the celebrity fragrance market after two years of researching and studying the art of perfumery. According to the Daily Mail

Halle [said, "My new fragrance] is very sensual, very natural, very much reflective of the outdoors. The top notes of the scent are Sicilian bergamot, fig leaves and pear blossom. I added olibanum, which is an African root, which brings spice to the fragrance, and sandalwood, which smooths everything out and makes it yummy.”

I guess she felt she had to include something indicative of her African heritage to make the perfume truly authentic. Good thing she went with a root instead of Congo-Crimean Hemorrhagic Fever or malaria. I don’t know how well they’d translate with such heavy floral base notes.

Looking gorgeous as usual at the Black Women in Hollywood Awards:

Here’s your chance to finally smell like a porn star — adult film veteran Jenna Jameson is launching her own line of perfume. Wait, is latex considered a musky chypre or a woody floral? I guess we’ll have to wait and see. According to Gatecrasher

Porn star Jenna Jameson is cashing in on the celebrity perfume craze with her new fragrance, Heartbreaker. The scent’s name is taken from Jameson’s infamous backside tattoo, and each purchase will include a poster of the adult actress.

Frankly, I don’t know why you’d pay thirty bucks to smell like a porn star when you can totally smell like one for free. All you have to do is let a couple of dudes jizz in your hair and then spend the rest of the evening barfing up Southern Comfort in a Motel 6 bathroom. Or as I like to call it, “Friday night.” Call me, boys!

Super-pregnant at the Mix Martial Arts Affliction’s “Day of Reckoning” event in Anaheim:

Now you, too, can smell like Christina Aguilera, this time without the help of gender-reassignment hormones! The new ad promises:

Christina Aguilera INSPIRE brings a little of her self-assured confidence and sexiness to every woman’s life.  The fragrance will remind you not to drift along with the crowd, but will inspire you to stand up for what you believe in and strive for your dreams.  The fragrance celebrates being a woman, full of feminity and fun.  Be inspired, be sexy and be exactly what you want to be.

Especially if what you want to be is a sluttier transvestite version of Pennywise the Dancing Clown from Stephen King’s “It.” Beep beep, Richie!

“Inspiring” little girls everywhere with a Ellen Von Unwerth shoot July 2005: