Feb 18, 2011
I’m sure tens of you have spent many sleepless nights racking your brain and wringing your hands, wondering where it all went wrong in Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz’ marriage. The obvious answer is that Pete’s a total fag, but it turns out that wasn’t the only impetus behind the split. Us Magazine says:
“Ashlee has been out late partying for the past few months,” says one insider. Specifically, the singer-actress hangs with a crew of pro skateboarders in San Clemente and returns home at sunrise.
Fall Out Boy rocker Wentz, 31, “started getting burnt out” by those antics. On the road with his band, he “would constantly check in on Ashlee, and he’d have his friends call the house and her cell to make sure she said she was where she said she was going to be,” an insider explains. “He felt like he couldn’t trust her.”
But that’s not the story her friends are telling. According to them, it was Ashlee who was staying at home while Pete was out partying it up with his douchebag friends. Page Six says:
“Ashlee has been unhappy for a while. Pete continued living the life of a rock star, hanging out late, going to clubs, posing for the paparazzi… She wants her life and her career back.”
She wants “her career back?” Sorry, but you can’t get something back that you never had in the first place. I think it has something to do with the Law of Conservation and the fact that Ashlee Simpson sucks.
PHOTO CREDIT: Fame Pictures
Feb 9, 2011
Well, isn’t this the day for the death of true love. Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz have announced their split. Says Digital Spy,
Ashlee Simpson has filed for divorce from husband Pete Wentz.
According to the court documents, Simpson has cited “irreconcilable differences” as the legal reason for the split. The 24-year-old is seeking spousal support, reports TMZ.
“After careful consideration, we have made the difficult decision to file for divorce,” the couple said in a statement.
They added: “We remain friends and deeply committed and loving parents to our son Bronx, whose happiness and well-being remains our number one priority. We ask that everyone honour our privacy as we navigate this next phase of our lives.”
Simpson is seeking primary physical custody of 2-year-old Bronx with visitation for Wentz. She also hopes to drop the moniker Wentz from her name.
The pair married in May 2008. Their official date of separation is to be determined, according to the court papers.
Yes, yes, “irreconcilable differences” indeed. The problem was that there was one too many vaginas in the marriage. And no, I’m not talking about Ashlee’s.
In happier times:
Photo source: Fame Pictures
Jan 11, 2011
Pete Wentz showed up at the North American International Auto Show in Detroit yesterday to pitch a concept Honda Civic sporting a new ‘do. I don’t know which is worse, his former faggy emo bangs or this weird JewFro thing. Honda probably wanted people to be able to relate to him, and I doubt Bob the accountant would be able to connect with eyeliner, black nail polish and flat-ironed hair. New look or not, unfortunately his douchebaggery remains firmly intact.
Selling out Promoting the Civic concept car:
Jul 1, 2010
For some reason this picture of Pete Wentz reminded me of that character “Pat” from SNL, and now I can’t stop giggling and making the Pat nasally moaning sound. Nnnnnnyeeeehhhhh!
At LAX being ambiguously gay:
Apr 9, 2009
On Tuesday, while Ashlee Simpson posted a photo of four-month-old Bronx Mowgli on Twitter, husband Pete Wentz was in Vegas getting drunk with a bunch of strippers. According to Star Magazine
The Fall Out Boy bassist — who was without his wife of nearly one year — partied hard with about 50 band members, dancers and pals (including Girls Next Door star Holly Madison) following a sold-out show at the Palms Casino Resort on April 5.
“Everybody was going absolutely crazy,” an eyewitness tells Star. “People were even drunkenly playing makeshift Slip ‘n’ Slide with a mat and lubricant. And Pete was in great spirits. He was dancing and… grinding up against the dancers.”
At one point he was “dancing on a pool table with the girls,” the partygoer adds.
There has to be some mistake here. Pete’s just one of the girls. And we all know how girls are when they hang out together — waylayed by their desires and bi-curious impulses and forced to surrender themselves to naked-pillow-fights-turned-daisy-chains. If it wasn’t true, they wouldn’t have put it on the internet.
Dec 26, 2008
Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson posted the supposed “first official picture” of new baby Bronx Mowgli on Pete’s Friends of Enemies website, along with a plea for you to donate money to several different charities… none of which are Suicide Prevention or Support for Proposition 8. Ding ding ding ding ding! That should have thrown up the first red flag for you right there. Then there isn’t even eyeliner or an ill-fitting anime t-shirt anywhere on the baby. Second flag. Yep, you have to get up pretty early in the morning to pull one over on me. I’m like Nancy Drew of the gossip world, if Nancy Drew had early stage liver disease and a socially crippling fear of robot overlords. And I know a fake when I see one!
Dec 17, 2008
Pete Wentz went into serious detail about his “amazing sex life” with wife Ashlee Simpson during an interview on the Howard Stern Show yesterday. This is usually the part where you hold my hair back while I kneel in front of the toilet. According to E! Online
He spares no detail about the first time they had sex—including the place, the mirrors and what he was thinking: “Oh, my God, you are banging the girl of your dreams. We have such a sexual chemistry,” Pete continues.
However, now that they have a 2-week-old baby, not so much. Instead, “We do other fun stuff. She’s not ready down there.” Yes, he really said “down there.”
Other fun facts about their sex life that we probably shouldn’t know—but do now—include the specifics of Ashlee’s boobs: “She’s a C, but I think with the breast milk it’s a D.” And that she’s up for anything (really, anything): “Let’s just say my wife likes me to have a good time.”
Last time I checked, “good time” didn’t mean “two hours of crying and passive anal sex with a dildo.” The correct term for that is actually “Cub Scout Camp Out.” Get it right, dummy.
Promoting Fall Out Boy’s new album ‘Folie à Deux’ and nose hair in Times Square yesterday:
Photo source: SPLASH NEWS
Dec 12, 2008
Hello fellow snarky posters, it’s Sonya and I’ll be your guide into the magical land of useless celebrity news today. Fall Out Boy’s Pete Wentz is all about keepin’ it real, yo. In his blog A Homeboy’s Life, Pete warns would-be Wentzites that “fake clan hoodies are being sold in kmart australia. the wordsearch hoody and the animal cracker one in the picture made by the company girl express are both fakes…” NineMSN elaborates,
The hoodies on sale in store bear a striking resemblance to designs from Pete’s Clandestine Industries range, which retail online for around $88, while those on sale in Kmart are selling for less than $30.
The knock-off hoodies are allegedly missing the signature thumb holes as well as the vague possibility Wentz’s DNA might have rubbed off on the fabric for you to keep for years until cloning technology is perfected and you can get a Wentz of your very own replicated to play with at home. Which, we presume, is the main pull of the clothing line anyway.
Thumbholes? Lemme guess, there’s thumbholes in the wrists so that the sleeves can be pulled down over the hands at a respectable emo level? And excuse me, animal crackers? I suppose they’re moody animal crackers. The lions probably dye their manes black and wear it over their eyes and write whiny songs about the unfairness of being king of the forest and the kind of pressure that puts on you, until you can’t take it anymore, and OH GOD will someone eat me already?
Pete Wentz out shopping in West Hollywood (because he’s gay) :
Nov 21, 2008
Last night Ashlee Simpson-Wentz and beard Pete Wentz welcomed their new baby boy, Bronx Mowgli Wentz. Says E! Online about the birth:
The baby boy weighed in at 7 pounds, 11 ounces and measured 20½ inches.
“Proud new parents Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson-Wentz welcomed new son, Bronx Mowgli Wentz, late this evening,” a rep for the new mom told E! News. “Ashlee, Pete and baby Bronx are all healthy and happy, and thank everyone for their well wishes!”
The birth comes almost three weeks after the 29-year-old Fall Out Boy mastermind told Ryan Seacrest that his 24-year-old missus was “very pregnant…She’s at the very end, and it could happen at any point.”
As for the tot’s name, Wentz told Seacrest they were not looking to go down in the annals of punchline-ready celebrity monikers.
“I want to meet the baby first. My friend said it—you’ve gotta have a baby with a name that could be a rock star or a senator, so he’ll get work either way.”
Oh sure, “whiny scruffy boy in a loincloth raised by wolves” positively smacks of rock stardom, or better yet, electoral success! Maybe if he gets elected to office, he can bring Baloo and Bagheera along as his advisors. The “Bear Necessities” sounds like a great political agenda to me!
