Jon Gosselin filed a petition in court on Friday asking for full custody of the eight children he shares with ex-wife Kate Gosselin. A little extra child support goes a long way with Ed Hardy t-shirts, you know. According to MSNBC

According [the petition], Kate is an absentee mom, and [Jon] is expected to use “DWTS” as evidence that she does not spend quality time with her kids.

Kate [said via her publicist]: “I am not willing to comment in public on the custody discussions regarding my children. What I will say is this: I am and always will be a mother first, but as a single working mom I will do everything necessary to provide for my kids despite the opinions of others.”

A source close to Kate points out that Jon’s timing seems suspect. “His girlfriend, who he was living with across the country — just kicked him out.”

He might be woman-less, homeless and spineless, but that doesn’t mean he’s through whoring out his children for money just yet:

Jon Gosselin is “definitely open” to co-starring with ex-wife Kate Gosselin on a new TV project “under the right circumstances.” Jon would do a show with Kate, but “the contract would have to be tighter.” [No further elaboration was given], but we’re guessing it has something to do with the way TLC cleaned Jon’s clock in court.

Boy, he’s really had a change of heart, hasn’t he? Six months ago, he fired off a cease and desist letter to TLC on grounds that filming the children was “detrimental to their emotional well-being.” Fast forward to April, and he’s ready and willing to lay his kiddies on the altar of the New Babylon, just so long as he doesn’t get financially shafted by the contract. This tubby piece of shit makes King Herod look like Father of the Year. And King Herod killed three of his own sons. At least he had the decency not to film it for TLC.

Kate redefining “haggard” last week:

PHOTO SOURCE: Pacific Coast News

Despite an online petition with more than 2,166 signatures demanding his removal from the Kids Choice Awards’ “Favorite Male Singer and Favorite Song” category, Nickeloedeon had refused to remove Chris Brown’s name — until he voluntarily withdrew his own name yesterday. His rep said in a statement:

“Chris very much appreciates the support of his fans and the honor they have paid him in the way of nominations… Unfortunately, the controversy surrounding the incident last month has shifted the focus from the music to whether he should be allowed to be among those nominated.

While Chris would like to speak to his fans directly about this and other issues, pending legal proceedings preclude his doing so at this time. Once the matter before him has been resolved, he intends to do so.”

In response to the public outcry against Nickelodeon, their rep released the following statement:

“Like all our KCA nominees, Chris Brown was nominated by kids several months ago based on his work as a performer, and the kids who vote will ultimately decide who wins in the category.”

So Nickolodeon now stands behind teen pregnancy and domestic abuse? Well, good for them! This oughta open the door for a whole lot of new sponsors, including Skoal smokeless tobacco and Freedom Home brand double-wide trailers. There’s big money in that there Nascar demographic!