The only person who takes more pictures of Lindsay Lohan than the L.A. central booking is Terry Richardson (here, here and leering behind her like a child molester on a bender here), and that’s only because he’s a notorious pervert who gets off on taking pictures of girls’ tits, and showing her tits is the only thing Lindsay’s good for these days. It’s a match made in crippling daddy issues/sexual predator heaven.

As if one Gwyneth Paltrow wasn’t bad enough, thanks to the wizards at Harper’s Bazaar, you now know what it’s like to be surrounded by four of her. It’s a nice photoshop trick, but in real life that much cunty pretentiousness in one room would probably summon a winter that would last for a thousand years.

I was scanning the headlines this morning for celebrity DUI’s and upskirts and happened across this super-disturbing story about a three-year-old boy (photo here) who “absorbed” his partially-developed twin brother in utero — and still has the fetus in his abdomen. The twin apparently had eyes and hair and bones, but no organs. It’s like a goddamn Stephen King book or something. The Daily Mail says:

Surgeons were today preparing to operate on a three-year-old boy to remove the body of a ‘parasitic twin’ growing inside his stomach.

Isbac Pacunda was left with the rare condition after absorbing his would-be sibling inside the womb.

Doctors in Peru say the partially formed fetus has eyes, bones and hair on the cranium, but did not develop a brain, lungs, heart or intestines.

It weighs a pound and a half and is nine inches long.

A neonatologist at Rainbow Babies and Children’s Hospital in Cleveland said conjoined twins [cannot survive] when one twin absorbs the other.

Thinking that there could be an undead sibling lodged inside you is terrifying. Of course, it’s terrifying any time you find a lump somewhere on your body, but I’d still rather it’d be a cancerous tumor than what’s left of my organ-less twin sister. They only thing that can shake off that kind of creepy is more sexy outtakes from Ashley Greene’s Men’s Fitness photo shoot. Luckily, I came prepared.

It was rumored that “Pan Am” was already given the ax because it sucks and nobody watched it, but ABC says it still plans to continue it for another season. You have Ashley Greene’s hotness to thank for those additional 10 episodes, because it was the only reason that crappy show made it past the pilot. And don’t think she doesn’t know it, either. Radar Online says:

“Ashley came rolling on to the [Pan Am] set acting like a queen bee,” an insider [said].

“She was stuck-up with the crew and acted like appearing on TV amounted to slumming. She referred to herself as a ‘real movie star,’ and said she was sure her guest stint would boost ratings.”

The 24-year-old actress was [also] completely cold to her costars.

“Ashley didn’t want to socialize with Christina Ricci or Kelli Garner, the stars of the show,” the source says. “They had organized a welcome lunch for Ashley, but she blew them off. That was extremely off-putting to everyone.”

You can’t look like she does and not be a bitch. The world is her fucking oyster, man. If I looked like that, the only acknowledgement you’d ever get from me is maybe a fart in your general direction. I wouldn’t even make eye contact.

Outtakes from her photo shoot for Men’s Fitness:

“Boardwalk Empire’s” Paz de la Huerta has a ridiculous body, but she has the kind of crazy eyes that you usually only see on someone pushing a rusty shopping cart downtown and yelling at pigeons. I wouldn’t know whether she was about to kiss me or stab me in the knee with a screwdriver.

In a photo shoot by acclaimed creepy pervert Terry Richardson:

GQ has released some behind-the-scenes footage from their photo shoot with Sports Illustrated cover girl Brooklyn Decker in her panties. I don’t know if the shoot was for an upcoming issue or if it’s been around for a while, and to be honest, I don’t care. It doesn’t matter to me because I no longer believe in the concept of linear time. All is one, and existence in the temporal sense is delusory. That’s what I’m planning on telling the judge at my probation hearing, anyway.

Lindsay Lohan posed for acclaimed pervert photographer Terry Richardson in New York last week in a series of black and white photos that show her smoking a cigarette with her legs spread. Or as she calls it, “In my element.”

More pics after the jump:

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Tyler Shields — or “the poor man’s Terry Richardson,” as he’s known to the rest of the world — posted some “controversial” pictures of Glee’s Heather Morrison on his website today. She’s pictured as a 1960′s housewife with a black eye and bound with an iron, but she seems to be enjoying herself and all the implied abuse in the photos. So what do the pictures mean, exactly? Do they glamorize domestic abuse? Are they a metaphor for being beaten down by domesticity? Restrained by socio-cultural mores? Or do they just confirm that above all, Tyler Shields remains a talentless fucking hack? I guess it’s one of those questions for the ages.

These pics are supposedly from Gossip Girl actress Blake Lively’s spread in next month’s Glamour magazine, but I don’t know if it’s really her. On one hand, she hasn’t publicly denied the photos’ authenticity yet, so maybe they are real. On the other hand, her mole looks kinda different, and I’m pretty sure she parts her hair on the other side, and I also vaguely remember her wearing a blouse like that in Spain in August of 2007, so it could very well be the work of photoshop. The only way we’ll know for sure is to compare these with the leaked nude pics from last night, because if there’s one thing we can all agree on, it’s that those are for damn sure Blake Lively, no matter what her rep might try and tell the press. I’m sure it’s just a “coincidence” that her new movie happens to open next week!

Kelly Brook does full frontal nudity for Exhibition Magazine’s “Lipstick” Issue. I have no idea what that magazine is, but a few things: Kelly Brook’s body is fucking amazing. Seriously, they should take out the dude in da Vinci’s “Vintruvian Man” and put her in it. It’s like the evolutionary pinnacle of womanhood. Second, you should be saving these onto your hard drive. For, you know, further scientific perusal.

All so NSFW:

Rumer Willis had to take her moon-face all the way to Indonesia to be named as “Hollywood’s Next Wave”. It’s too bad their Google translator didn’t work right. They were really going for “Hollywood’s Next Pigskin” in reference to her football-shaped head.

Square jaws are so now:

Nylon claims to have “227 ways to keep yourself warm this winter” in their January issue, but I’ll do you one better than their boring shearling coats and patterned tights — masturbating to these sexy pictures of Mila Kunis! Your genitals are one of the warmest parts of your body, plus the up-and-down motion naturally converts kinetic energy into heat. But FYI, nobody ever wants to hear that explanation in a crowded restaurant. It’s better to just ask someone to turn the heat up or wear some mittens.