After looking at these pictures of tennis star Andy Roddick’s wife Brooklyn Decker in GQ magazine, I’m afraid I might actually be gay. No, I’m serious. The sleeveless flannel and the patchouli rock deodorant and the double-headed dildo you found in my closet — those were just a phase. This is the real deal right here. I’m in love!

Here’s Britney Spears at a photoshoot for… uhh… oh, who cares?  The point is, she looks pretty decent.  Her ratty weave roots are covered up by that hat, and the bikini almost actually fits her.  At first I couldn’t figure out what the hell was sticking out of the top over there by her right breast, but then I realised it’s a button loop.  I think the bikini is supposed to be one of those little sailor suits, but what with her boobs being situated approximately three yards apart on her chest wall, nobody could manage to wrangle that bitch closed.  All things considered, though, she looks good.  I’m at least 70% positive she took a shower sometime within the last 36 hours.

If there’s any way to make a 42-year old woman with a history of depression and a floundering career feel relevant again, it’s taking pictures of her in latex thigh-highs next to a man pulling down his underpants. That’s how mom always explained her wedding photos to me, anyway. Ooh, that reminds me, it’s about time for me to start cutting again. And this Jack and Coke isn’t going to just drink itself, you know!

Brook Shields in the Australian Kurv magazine:

“Comedianne” Kathy Griffith poses in several different bikinis for a OK! Magazine photoshoot, proving once again that even if you’re a hideous troll and about as funny as leukemia, you can always get a job being almost naked. Or, you know, celebrity gossip blogging. It’s definitely worked out great for me.

Putting up these pictures from Natalie Portman’s Star Wars wardrobe test shoots will no doubt secure my recognition in the archives of the online Jedi Council Forum, right behind Alderaan21’s Trapper Keeper drawings of Princess Leia naked and QuiGonTims’s completely-to-scale Twi’ilek miniature collection.

I always thought Emmy Rossum kinda looked like an albatross until I saw these pictures of her in next month’s issue of Details magazine. Boy, was I wrong. She looks nothing like a bird. She looks like she could be Eva Mendes’ slutty little sister or something. So, because I am humble enough to admit my mistakes, I would like to take this opportunity to apologize to Ms. Rossum for my avian comparison of late, and ask that she please allow me to extend my open invitation to wear her ass like a surgeon’s mask. It’s the least I could do, considering the circumstances.

PHOTO CREDIT: Matthias Vriens for DETAILS

Kim Kardashian and boyfriend Reggie Bush did a photoshoot together for GQ magazine in which she prances around in heels half-nude and he looks vaguely disinterested and occasionally lays down. Just like he does when he plays football, incidentally. The only difference is that the pigskin in these pictures happens to be wearing a push-up bra and smells like pee.

The Bible in its infinite wisdom says that love covers a multitude of sins. Fortunately for Katy Perry, so do boobs. You can thank the Devil for that one.

in April issue of Esquire:

Here’s a little news that ought to make you smile: attention whore Kim Kardashian found herself kicked off Miami Beach on Saturday to make way for a Victoria’s Secret photoshoot, presumably because they didn’t want her giant ass blocking the sunlight. The Daily Mail reveals

The reality television star was lapping up the paparazzi attention as she hit the beach in a black bikini, only to be told to move aside to make way for a Victoria’s Secret photo shoot. Photographers were assembled on the sand to snap the lingerie models for the grand reopening of the Fontainebleau Resort.

Never one to shy away from a photo opportunity, Kim, her younger sister and Kristin Cavallari conveniently appeared on the foreshore and proceeded to pose up for the cameras. However the black-clad trio were soon asked to leave by security guards.

There’s a much easier way to round up Kim Kardashian. Firing a pistol in the air and sending in a herding dog usually does the trick if you don’t have a cattle prod handy. So does waving a black man’s penis around or danglng in front of her face, just out of reach. Those dumb security guards were going about it all wrong.

Make way for genetic superiority:

Here’s Paris Hilton attempting sexy poses in a photoshoot for “The Harvard Lampoon’s” April Fool’s Day issue. Ten bucks says she asked why the black guy wasn’t wearing a costume before she stuffed the elephant’s trunk in her cooter and videotaped it.

“Sex and the City” star Sarah Jessica Parker ate it hard yesterday during a Vogue photo shoot with renown photographer Annie Leibovitz. Fortunately, SJP’s leg wasn’t broken in the fall, or they’d have taken her out back and shot her for sure. Her Colonial Turf Cup dream is still within reach!

Little philly mid-flight (via The Daily Mail ):