Aug 19, 2009

After looking at these pictures of tennis star Andy Roddick’s wife Brooklyn Decker in GQ magazine, I’m afraid I might actually be gay. No, I’m serious. The sleeveless flannel and the patchouli rock deodorant and the double-headed dildo you found in my closet — those were just a phase. This is the real deal right here. I’m in love!



May 18, 2009

If there’s any way to make a 42-year old woman with a history of depression and a floundering career feel relevant again, it’s taking pictures of her in latex thigh-highs next to a man pulling down his underpants. That’s how mom always explained her wedding photos to me, anyway. Ooh, that reminds me, it’s about time for me to start cutting again. And this Jack and Coke isn’t going to just drink itself, you know!
Brook Shields in the Australian Kurv magazine:



Mar 18, 2009

I always thought Emmy Rossum kinda looked like an albatross until I saw these pictures of her in next month’s issue of Details magazine. Boy, was I wrong. She looks nothing like a bird. She looks like she could be Eva Mendes’ slutty little sister or something. So, because I am humble enough to admit my mistakes, I would like to take this opportunity to apologize to Ms. Rossum for my avian comparison of late, and ask that she please allow me to extend my open invitation to wear her ass like a surgeon’s mask. It’s the least I could do, considering the circumstances.




PHOTO CREDIT: Matthias Vriens for DETAILS
Mar 11, 2009

The Bible in its infinite wisdom says that love covers a multitude of sins. Fortunately for Katy Perry, so do boobs. You can thank the Devil for that one.
in April issue of Esquire:




Apr 3, 2008
Here’s Paris Hilton attempting sexy poses in a photoshoot for “The Harvard Lampoon’s” April Fool’s Day issue. Ten bucks says she asked why the black guy wasn’t wearing a costume before she stuffed the elephant’s trunk in her cooter and videotaped it.
Mar 7, 2008
“Sex and the City” star Sarah Jessica Parker ate it hard yesterday during a Vogue photo shoot with renown photographer Annie Leibovitz. Fortunately, SJP’s leg wasn’t broken in the fall, or they’d have taken her out back and shot her for sure. Her Colonial Turf Cup dream is still within reach!
Little philly mid-flight (via The Daily Mail ):