L.A. Ink’s Kat von D and fellow “tattoo enthusiast” Jesse James were spotted on a date in Hollywood over the weekend. I hope the smell of wig glue and Zovirax didn’t make anybody feel light-headed. People magazine says:

The motorcycle mogul, whose divorce from Sandra Bullock was finalized in June, was spotted having dinner with Kat Von D in Las Vegas Saturday night.

Settling into a table at Palms Casino Resort’s N9NE, the duo got cozy by sitting right next to each other… [and] holding hands.

They continued holding hands as they left dinner and headed to a black Mercedes that James was driving.

The guy was married to a porn star and Kat von D spent three years underneath Nikki Six from Motley Crue, but things must be getting serious because they were holding hands in public. My stars! Next thing you know, he’ll be taking her out for a buggy ride without a chaperon and penciling his name down on her dance card for the waltz AND the two-step. I just don’t know if the American public is equipped to deal with that kind of scandal.

Because subtlety and understatement are for pussies:

I thought I should put up something that we could all agree we’re thankful for this Thanksgiving — underage girls who dress like sluts and like getting sprayed in the face on camera. I could have just said “your sister,” but I didn’t want to come across like an asshole. Happy Thanksgiving from all of us here at Yeeeah!

Promo stills for Miley Cyrus’ new movie “The Last Song”:

After three years of marriage, Avril Lavigne and Deryck Whibley are officially separating at their respective douchenozzles. Us Weekly says

“She dumped him and told him she was leaving him. She wants to move on,” a source [says] adding that Lavigne, 25, forced him out of their $9.5 million [Bel Air] estate. “Divorce papers will be filed any day now.”

Whibley, 29, “is crushed,” adds another insider.

It’s not exactly shocking when two poser douchebags’ sham of a marriage dissolves like so many mushy turds on the follow-up flush. And speaking of turds, I’d like to take this opportunity to state that I’ve had farts with more dimension and depth than any of Avril’s crappy songs. Arista might really want to look into my asshole. It might be the next Sk8r Boi sensation!

UPDATE: Avril just confirmed the split on her website.

Promoting her Abbey Dawn line:

Megan Fox famously told GQ last year:

“I could see myself in a relationship with [Olivia Wilde] — she is so sexy she makes me want to strangle a mountain ox with my bare hands. She’s mesmerizing.”

You’ve got to give that Megan credit for such an interesting metaphor, but I don’t really see your average guy strangling a mountain ox our of sheer erotic enthusiasm for Olivia Wilde. Now choking a chicken or spanking a monkey, sure. It’s really just a question of choosing the right metaphorical animal.

Olivia’s gymnast-themed photo shoot in next month’s GQ: