Breakout your best firecrotch jokes — Lindsay Lohan has returned to her roots. The Daily Mail says:
Perhaps Lindsay Lohan wanted to wash the past few months right out of her hair.
This morning, the 24-year-old actress stepped out in Los Angeles sporting a brand new strawberry blonde hair do.
Her red hair complemented her green studded hoodie, black leggings and black boots as she visited a court house in the Santa Monica area of Los Angeles to undergo a mandatory drug test.
Seriously, does anybody really give a fuck what color Lindsay Lohan’s stupid hair is? So instead, enjoy this awesome video of some chick getting nailed in the face with a watermelon on “Amazing Race.” The only thing that would make it better is if it were Lindsay Lohan.
This picture of Christina Hendricks is from the December 2007 issue of GQ, but it’s just making the rounds today because of a little photoshop anomaly that nobody happened to catch until now. See if you can guess what it is. Hint: it’s not her boobs. They’re there. I checked. And then checked again. Nine MSN says:
Look very closely…
Seriously, where the hell are her legs?
We can only assume that the GQ Photoshop artist was so distracted by certain other areas of Christina Hendricks’ body that they forgot all about the rest of her!
It’s the entire lower half of her body that’s missing, and it only took us three years to catch it. That got me thinking — maybe we should rethink our entire approach to invading the Middle East. Instead of sending in troops to protect our oil interests, we should send in big-tittied double amputees in low cut tops. It’ll be another three years before they’ll even notice we’re there. Now that’s the kind of foreign policy I think we can all get behind! Remember to vote boobies in your November elections.
Because she’s such a paragon of impeccable taste and effortless style, Jessica Simpson has been announced as the surprise guest judge for the final round of this season’s Project Runway. Us Magazine says:
A beaming Simpson joined host Heidi Klum, and hard-nosed judges Michael Kors and Nina Garcia on the runway in NYC’s Lincoln Center on Thursday for the taping of the season finale’s fashion show.
The star, 30, wore a shimmery Michael Kors frock for the big event.
Simpson debuted her own “Show Me Your Blues” Jeanswear collection on Tuesday.
I think they meant to say “LaGuardia,” not “Lincoln Center,” because they probably had to use a real runway instead of a catwalk this time. When you’re as big as a goddamn 747, you need enough room to taxi and turn yourself around completely. It’s not like she can just change direction without the help of tow and pushback tractors and a couple of guys with waving brightly-colored sticks.
Miley Cyrus added to her “love” ear tattoo and “just breathe” rib cage tattoo with an equally-inspired heart tattoo on her pinky finger this week. Maybe nobody told her above-the-knuckle tattoos are usually reserved for the convicted felon and the gang member. At least Joaquin Phoenix had the good sense to do his with a pen. Dumbass.
Dressed like a goth soccer player with her brother Braison:
Playboy’s Cyber Club released nineteen never-before-seen outtakes from Kim Kardashian’s 2007 shoot for the magazine, and Kim has since “reacted privately” by talking about it publicly. Yeah, it didn’t make sense to me either, but then I’m not a stupid cunt. Radar Online says:
The Keeping Up With The Kardashians star, who publicly expressed regret about doing the naked shoot, now has reacted privately about the new photos surfacing.
“Kim was really upset that the new photos were released,” a source close to Kim [said]. “She freaked out that they were out there, she didn’t think that they were going to be seen again.”
The socialite declared she was sorry she did [Playboy], and claimed she was “uncomfortable” posing for the revealing pics.
“She gets embarrassed about the photos and is trying to put that behind her,” the source said.
Oh, I’m sure “putting things behind her” really comes natural for Kim Kardashian. It’s the remembering she doesn’t always have to get on all fours and mug for the cameras that’s the hard part.
New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady was on his way to practice at Gillette Stadium in Boston this morning when he was involved in a serious car accident. Radar Online says:
Eyewitnesses told Boston TV station WHDH that the football star had a green light and the mini-van allegedly ran a red light, leading to the collision.
Officials said that the equipment known as the “jaws of life” was used at the scene on one of the vehicles involved.
Brady — who was described as being shaken, banged-up, and possibly having whiplash — refused to be taken to the hospital, but the driver of the other vehicle, reportedly a mini-van, was taken to the hospital.
Thank goodness he’s okay. I wouldn’t want anything to get in the way of his riding the coattails of his receivers or looking for a flag every time he gets hit. Stomping off the field crying isn’t something they can just teach you in practice, you know.
Playboy has forged into uncharted masturbatory territory with a 3D pictorial of World Cup chick Larissa Riquelme. Ooh, 3D. Funny, I thought real girls were already in 3D. Maybe if you spent less time building your badger-human hybrid character’s geomancing powers and modifying your slot cars, you’d find out what it was like to have someone beside you touching your wiener.
Just think how cool you’d look jerking it while wearing a pair of 3D glasses (NSFW):
Halle Berry was caught sucking face with her “Dark Tide” costar and notorious rake Olivier Martinez in his hometown of Paris this weekend. People Magazine says:
The duo spent Sunday afternoon combing through the streets arm in arm, taking in a pit stop at the Paris flea market.
“They had their arms around each other as they walked,” an onlooker [says]. “They were both smiling and laughing Their body language was very flirtatious. They definitely seemed like a couple.”
The two sped off on Martinez’s motorcycle before dining at the intimate Casa Bini restaurant. After dinner, the couple stopped along a narrow street and kissed in a doorway for two minutes, says an onlooker.
I stopped feeling sorry for Halle Berry a long time ago. There are plenty of guys around who would treat her good, but it’s not the professional athlete or the male model or the French model-turned-actor. She sets herself up for heartbreak. Look, if you don’t want to get cut, then don’t play with knives. Or Reese Witherspoon’s chin, for that matter. That thing could slice you open like a damn Ginsu. But I bet it’s great for zesting oranges and other citrus fruits!
You were probably too busy looking at her cooter in her sex tape to notice, but Kendra Wilkinson didn’t just get a boob job before she joined the Girls Next Door — she also had her nose tweaked, too. Radar Online says:
[In these] first post-op photos of the reality star, [she's] showing off her brand new breasts to a willing photographer.
The photos also reveal Kendra with a nose that looks very different from the way it appears now.
She had these photos taken to document her [breasts'] transformation but didn’t realize that they would also serve as the “before” shots for her nose!
So what about her nose? There seems no doubt that she had something done to change its appearance.
“It’s pretty obvious,” said our source.
Boy, “natural beauty” Kendra ain’t. She’s a Starter jacket and a spiral perm away from being one of those chola-wigger hybrids from high school that would cut you for making eye contact for more than 3 consecutive seconds. I can practically smell the Issey Miyake and Dep hair gel from here.
Ashley Greene and Miley Cyrus got all wet and wild in Paris today while filming their new movie “LOL” (I guess S-H-I-T had one too many letters). You’ll note that French people are way cooler about people splashing around in their fountains than mall security are. Maybe it’s because none of them had also vomited and shit themselves.
I bet going on a date with Kat von D is lots of fun. She probably wobbles her head around with a vaguely confused smile on her face, occasionally erupting with a “hey!” followed by a nonsensical question about eating the moon if it were made of spare ribs and things like, “Can you imagine a world with an endless supply of hot dogs? They’d be so abundant, they’d become our currency!” Cubs win!
