It’s looking like Adam “DJ AM” Goldstein’s overdose last Friday may have in fact been intentional — initial autopsy reports found that he had eight undigested OxyContin pills in his stomach and a ninth still unswallowed in his mouth. According to People Magazine

The finding suggests that DJ AM swallowed the powerful painkillers quickly. “He wanted to die,” says the source. “He was going unconscious when he took the last one. He didn’t even swallow it.”

Also, a mirror was propped against the outside of the apartment and another against the door of the bedroom, where Goldstein’s body was located in the bed. When the police, Goldstein’s manager and paramedics entered the bedroom, the mirror propped against the door shattered.

A crack pipe sat next to the body; when authorities moved the body, crack was found underneath. Goldstein, the source believes, “smoked a lot of crack, barricaded the doors and killed himself.”

Mmm, that does seem sketchy. For starters, your average drug user doesn’t barricade the doors every time they want to use. Lock, yes — barricade, no. That sort of behavior is usually relegated to paranoid schizophrenics and those orchestrating hostage situations. Secondly, the eight pills in his stomach hadn’t even dissolved before he started on the ninth, which was never even swallowed before he blacked out. That’s chasing more than just a buzz, my friend. Trust me, I spend two-thirds of my waking hours trying to get high, so I’m practically an expert. I think it’s pretty clear here that he meant to kill himself.

That said, it’s way too early in the morning for suicide, so here’s Marisa Miller’s boobies instead:

There have been all kinds of rumors about Michael Jackson’s failing health and the cause of his death — everything from skin cancer and emphysema to chronic gastrointestinal bleeding — but his family is sure that today’s autopsy will reveal that he was killed by a large dosage of the painkiller Demerol. Michael had been taking all kinds of painkillers in preparation for next month’s O2 Arena tour, and the injection coupled with the additional pills ultimately resulted in cardiac arrest. The Daily Mail says

There is growing speculation today that the catastrophic cardiac arrest was triggered by an injection of the painkiller Demerol. Those close to the star believe it is an addiction to prescription drugs as he prepared for the gigs in London that killed him.

‘Michael had broken a vertebrae performing and he had broken his leg in a fall from the stage. I don’t know the extent of the medications he was using but the reports that we have been receiving in the family were that it was extensive,’ said a source.

One Jackson family source said he was ‘just not able to pick himself up out of the painkiller stupor’ that he was in. He had been ‘doped up to his eyes’ for several weeks with anti-pain prescriptions… and [painkillers] had taken over his life.

One side effect of their abuse is a heart attack.

It might have seemed like it was a long time coming, but I’m sure it was hard for his family to even recognize his signs of drug abuse. For Chrissakes, “Normal Michael” slept with a chimpanzee and lived on an amusement park and carved up his nose like a Christmas ham every four to six weeks. I doubt “strange behavior” and “excessive paranoia” put up any red flags.

In even more pill-popping news, it’s being reported that Lindsay Lohan’s drastic weight loss comes courtesy of a prescription for the ADHD drug Adderall. According to Us Weekly

Lohan takes Adderall, a prescription drug usually given to people for attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, to lose weight.

“She takes Adderall all the time,” one source told Us. “She gets jittery because of the way the pills affect her. It’s a major reason why she’s losing weight.”

And that’s not the only drug in her repertoire — sources say she’s still hooked on the white stuff. You know — the “throat candy.” “Man butter.” “Jizz.” Unfortunately, with semen’s current legal standing in the United States, it’s going to be damn near impossible to wean her off the stuff. Now we just wait for the inevitable moment when she asphyxiates taking two cocks at once and her addiction will tragically cum come full circle.

At the teen.com premiere of Haute and Bothered with sister Ali:

Are you sitting down? Because you might want to. This news could literally knock you off your feet. Ready? Okay, here goes: Paula Abdul was addicted to painkillers for the last twelve years. There, I said it. I can give you a moment to collect yourself if you need to. Us Weekly says

In a shocking new interview, Paula Abdul reveals that her reliance on painkillers got so bad she could have died.

Abdul, 46, was diagnosed with “reflex sympathetic dystrophy syndrome” in [2005], a chronic neurological disorder that causes severe pain. Abdul wore a patch that delivered a pain medication about 80 times more potent than morphine and took a nerve medication to relieve her symptoms. Sometimes, she adds, she also took a muscle relaxer.

But the pain got so bad it that it often left her sleepless and caused her to “get weird.” A combination of these factors prompted many fans to believe that the American Idol judge was high on the air.

Determined to overcome her habit, she checked into the La Costa Resort and Spa in Carlsbad, Calif., last Thanksgiving. “I could have killed myself,” Abdul tells the magazine.

In other shocking news, the sun rises in the east and old people smell funny. Further bulletins as events warrant!

High as a fucking kite and dressed like a drag queen at the American Idol Experience party:

Cameras caught a peek inside Courtney Love’s purse Wednesday night in London, and naturally, it was chock full of prescription drugs and pills. Four prescriptions are visible (including one for Adderall), but God only knows how many others were lurking underneath. On the plus side, with that many chemicals coursing through her bloodstream, Courtney is probably now completely immune to all vector-borne diseases. Not to mention the money she’s going to save her family on embalming costs later on. Formaldehyde’s got nothin’ on Courtney Love’s liver.