Hi guys, it’s Sonya today. Did you know that nipples can stick to ice? It’s true. Just ask Abby when she gets back.
So, the Grammys happened last night, and like the dedicated blogger that I am, I didn’t watch them. I don’t really care who gets what, because it’s all a bunch of crap anyway. They never mention my favorite group, Captain Geech and the Shrimp Shack Shooters, so I don’t bother. I am interested in what everyone wore, so here we go:
Taylor Swift’s dress fits kind of weird, I think.
Rihanna chose to let her dress do the choking
During a lapse in security, crazy lady Phoebe Price slipped in, as did super-classy Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi
Pink didn’t need to sneak in, she just snarled at security
Pink showed off a mysterious wienery bulge in her latex pants while performing in Glasgow on her Funhouse tour yesterday. Now, some of you are going are probably going to say that it’s just the lighting and the camera angle and not a penis at all, to which I would respond, “you’re a giant buzzkill and nobody likes you.” Fact.
Here’s Pink, or P!nk, as she likes to write her name, at Liverpool Arena in the UK, wearing costumes only a gay man would love. Or a fellow drag queen. She looks like a demented circus master that will make you balance on a ball and then feed you to evil clowns when she’s tired of flicking her whip at your feet, and then strip down to her shiny, shiny red pants and do uncomfortable things to herself with a midget carney. I’m freaking myself out–someone hold me!
Paris Hilton made a huge assy spectacle of herself in L.A. yesterday by driving around in a bright pink Bentley Continental GT. Volkswagen, have you no shame? The Daily Mail says
The 27-year-old socialite has bought the $200,000 vehicle as a Christmas present for herself. The vehicle was sprayed a specific shade of cherry blossom pink, which was complimented by pink sheetmetal, grille, hubcaps and most of the interior.
Explaining her reason for customizing her car pink, Hilton said: ‘I love pink so I met up with [a Bentley executive] and brought him this pink clock from the Disney store and got him to make this exact color and we just designed it all together.’
Although the car boasts a 37 inch front headroom and full floor console with covered storage box, it’s still nowhere near as roomy as Paris Hilton’s actual vagina. For that, Consumer Reports recommends something like a Humvee or maybe one of those shipping freighters that carry truck trailers. God knows you wouldn’t want your penis inadvertently touching the sides!
With new BFF Brittany Flickinger in L.A. yesterday:
Bonus video: It’s Toonces the Driving Cat meets sweat and hair grease: Brandon Davis plows into Pink’s car!
Meet the smartest man in the world, nine year-old Alec Greven. (MollyGood)
If you ever wanted to fuck a porn star, Lela Starr is selling herself on Eros. There’s a present you can’t re-gift! (Dirty Rotten Whore)
Camilla Belle caught canoodling with Twilight douchevamp Robert Pattinson! I guess “canoodling” means “sharing volumizer over chai tea.” Makes sense. (Websters)
Meet the naked Coven of Crapness: Kimberly Stewart, Leah Wood, and Peaches Geldof. (Holy Moly)
Tina Turner appears to have gained twenty pounds in her face and neck, but she’s still got some kick-ass legs. (Hollywood Rag)
Scarlett Johansson dyes the drapes red! Now, about the carpet… (Lainey Gossip)
It should be illegal for Melinda Messenger to have that much tittay. (Hollywood Tuna)
It looks like alter ego Sasha Fierce doesn’t believe in shaving Beyonce’s armpits. (CelebNewsWire)
Never before has a woman coming at you with a giant pair of scissors been so sexy, thanks to Heidi Klum. (Bastardly)
Four words: Jessica Alba swimsuit calendar! (The Rad Report)
Now you don’t have to feel bad when you call Pink a man–she takes it as a compliment! Female First unpackages it for us:
Pop star Pink is unfazed by rumours she’s bi-sexual, insisting she is “proud” to be considered a part of the gay community.
The So What singer was often mistaken for a lesbian in the early days of her career because of her tomboy looks.
And Pink, who recently split from husband Carey Hart, admits she loves challenging the public’s image of her.
She says, “I’m proud people think I’m gay. Everyone has always thought I was gay because of the tattoos, the short hair, the attitude. But I don’t care. I love to challenge people’s preconceptions.”
That’s kind of the strategy I took in elementary school. All the kids used to call me Quasimodo because of my scoliosis and bulging downturned eye due to an untreated case of hyrdocephalus. Sure, they THOUGHT they were hurting my feelings, but I just so happened to be an ardent admirer of Victor Hugo and so I was PROUD to be likened to his literary character. Take THAT, school bullies!
Pop star “All That’s Missing Are the Testicles” Pink is rumored to have turned to Scientology to help her work through her split with husband Carey Hart. Contact Music says
Friends reveal the singer has sought comfort from [confirmed Scientologist] Juliette Lewis, who is introducing her to the controversial religion. A source tells Star magazine, “Pink is in the beginning stages of checking out the religion, but she has taken to it and she wants to get more involved.”
Well, “getting involved” in the religion is easy enough. Step 1 — cut off all friends and family NOT affiliated with Scientology, alienating yourself completely; Step 2 — cough up hundreds of thousands of dollars for barley water and thetan-repellent outerwear; Step 3 — start working the word “glib” into everyday conversation, preferably accusatorily and on live TV; and Step 4 — wait for your career to come crashing down around you like so many bricks made of poisonous snakes of failure. Voila! You’re now officially a Scientologist. Please send your check or money order to Yeeeah! c/o Abby, ATTN: Scientology Licensing Department. Scientology — reigning in the closet homosexual in us all!
Rare cockatoo sighting on the red carpet at the VMAs last Sunday:
You know the feeling you got when you you were forced to hug the middle-aged accounting partner of your father’s staggering around in a giant diaper and bonnet at 1986’s New Year’s Eve party? The feeling that compelled you to spend two hours in a scalding hot shower with a Bible and a Brillo pad in the fetal position? Well, relive your seven-year old nightmare all over again with these pictures of Pink in a polka-dot bikini and sun hat in Malibu over the weekend. It’s a disturbing melange of Anne Geddes and biker bar, Gerber and Jack Daniels, Huggies and Astroglide-primed anal fisting. I don’t know whether to find it a binky or light its cigar. It’s probably best to just throw rocks at it and wait until it stops moving before you get any closer.
EDITOR’S NOTE: The ass crack above belongs to Todd Morse of Juliette Lewis’ rock band non-fame and is clearly not a threat to Pink’s masculinity or melatonin production.
Long plagued by rumors of Carey Hart’s infidelity, it seems that singer Pink’s marriage is officially over. People Magazine says
The marriage of pop singer Pink and her husband of two years, motocross racer and former The Surreal Life star Carey Hart, has ended. “Pink and Carey Hart have separated. This decision was made by best friends with a huge amount of love and respect for one another. While the marriage is over, their friendship has never been stronger.”
The marriage was doomed from the start. To the best of my knowledge, Carey Hart has never had a vagina. And despite his best efforts to acquire it from other women while he was still married, he will never ever have a vagina. He was stuck with a penis, which, frankly, only serves to get in the way of having a vagina. I’m sure you can see how this union was destined for utter failure from the beginning.
Pink at Entertainment Weekly’s 50th Grammys after party last week:
Singer Pink is being featured in the “Snapshot Photo Project” in support of October 11th’s “National Coming Out Day” — a day to honor homosexuals living openly in America. The Human Rights Campaign site says:
“Anyone can participate by downloading a “Talk About It” sign, and taking a digital picture of themselves with their sign along with friends, family, or co-workers.”
I think this is a brilliant way for Pink to finally come out of the closet. I mean, if her haircut and her penis didn’t tip you off already, now you know for sure because she’s holding a sign instructing you to “talk about” her transgendered-ness. I haven’t seen Fergie or Christina Aguilera with their signs, but I’m sure they’ll surface soon. And let’s hope this year’s “NCO” day is better than last year’s, because last year’s was an unmitigated disaster. I did just as the site instructed — I printed off a sign and everything — and then took pictures of anyone who I suspected could be gay holding the sign while they slept. But it wasn’t the “celebration of gayness” I had expected. Those who weren’t pissed about my breaking into their house at night were pissed about my publicly outing them. I’m planning on staying inside my house with the lights off for this year’s NCO day, just in case.
Another picture of Pink with her sign, and Mr. Zulu and some other gay with their signs after the jump.
