Just in time to give you warm holiday fuzzies, Pink and her penis have gone and done something heroic to save the life of a badly injured pup. Don’t look at me like that, the internet is fucking boring today. TMZreports,
P!nk just came through with a canine Christmas miracle — shelling out $5,000 to pay for emergency life-saving surgery on a puppy that had been tossed in the L.A. river and left for dead.
Sources tell TMZ … P!nk was surfing the Internet recently, when she stumbled upon a story about a puppy that had been thrown off an L.A. overpass … and suffered 3 broken legs when it landed in the L.A. river.
We’re told the dog was in bad shape … and required major surgery FAST … or else.
That’s when P!nk sprung into action — contacting the Ace of Hearts animal rescue organization and offering to pay for any medical expense it took to save the dog’s life.
$5,000 later … the dog went under the knife — and recovered!!
And it gets better — we’re told the dog has since been adopted by a loving family … and will probably get a big, juicy bone for Christmas.
I don’t have anything snarky to say about saving puppies, because even though my heart is a cold, tarry mass, show me puppies or kittens and I turn into a cooing, baby-talking idiot.
31-year old singer Pink announced via Twitter that she gave birth to a healthy baby girl in Los Angeles yesterday. People Magazine says:
“We are ecstatic to welcome our new beautiful healthy happy baby girl, Willow Sage Hart,” Pink wrote. “She’s gorgeous, just like her daddy [Carey Hart]. #beyondblessed”
Just a day prior, the singer sounded ready to meet her baby, tweeting a cryptic message about it being a good time for new beginnings under an auspicious astrological sky.
“New Moon in Gemini today, a good time to start something new…. Also called the Honey Moon,” she wrote.
Astrology is so fucking stupid. Does anyone really believe that stars in a constellation thousands of light years away affect your temperament or your day-to-day dealings? Please. Your obstetrician has more gravitational effect on you than any planet or star in the universe when you’re born. And anybody can make up a horoscope that’s more accurate than the ones you get in the paper. “Getting more money may improve your financial situation! A candid discussion with a loved one may lead to unpleasantness. Trust your instincts on matters involving pie. Avoid unnecessary death. Lucky numbers 4, 17, and 83.”
[Pregnant singer Pink] has revealed she has picked out the name Jameson for a boy after her favorite whiskey.
She told Access Hollywood: “My dad’s name is James, and my brother’s name is Jason. [Carey and I] are both Irish, Carey’s middle name is Jason… and we like whiskey. That’s a no brainer.”
And while she isn’t certain of the baby’s sex, her doctor did accidentally hint that they might be having a girl.
I can’t believe more people haven’t taken to naming their offspring after hard liquors before. Black strippers might have a corner on the Tanqueray, Alizé and Cristal market, but the rest of the single-grain spirits are wide open for the taking. So for those of you out there in readerland who are expecting, I’ve made a list of the top ten whiskeys that would make a perfect name for your bundles-of-joy-to-be. Bottoms up, bitches!
The American Music Awards were last night, but I didn’t watch them because I would rather watch zombies nom on brains (Walking Dead, anyone?). Speaking of dead people, did you know that as a body decomposes, it fills with gas, often resulting in the body farting and burping? I make this point because if you stuck a kazoo up a corpse’s ass, it would probably manage to make better music than what was being celebrated last night. Case in point: Justin Bieber swept up awards last night. Says Time News Feed:
Starting with Bieber, he won entertainer of the year, breakthrough artist of the year, favorite pop/rock male and favorite pop/rock album for My World 2.0. “I come from the smallest town in the world, of like 30,000 people; I never thought this was possible,” he gushed, before paying tribute to the late King of Pop. “I want to thank Michael Jackson, because without Michael Jackson none of us would be here.”
Hee-hee-hee. No music would exist without MJ? It’s the new music Gospel they’re teaching kids these days. “In the beginning was Michael Jackson, and the music was with God, and the music was Michael Jackson. He was God in the beginning. Through him all music was made; without him no music was made that has been made.” MJ 1:1-3. I think I hear all the music greats prior to MJ collectively turning in their graves.
If there’s anything my multiple divorces have taught me, it’s that nothing quick-fixes a faltering relationship like a screaming pants-crapper gnawing on your boobs. Which is precisely why Pink has gone and gotten herself knocked up! Us Magazine says:
The singer, 31, and husband Carey Hart, 35, are expecting their first child.
“She’s 12 weeks along,” says the insider. “She wanted to do it between tours, when she has some time off.”
The source adds that after the duo’s 2008 separation, “Pink was determined to make the relationship solid. She’s really happy she got pregnant so fast!”
I wasn’t entirely convinced Pink was a female, but if she can gestate a fetus, then I guess she technically qualifies. But what do you wanna bet that those undescended testicles of hers make it really cramped in there for the baby!
Rachel McAdams at the premiere of “Morning Glory,” because she’s not built like a lumberjack:
How do that Pink is a dyke? She’s eating in West Hollywood, which is Mecca to gays like, well, Mecca is to Muslims, she’s eating lunch with a sexually ambiguous person (what the hell is that, anyway?), and well, just look at her. She’s practically got “Angry Dyke” stamped across her forehead. My sleuthing is irrefutable. Don’t even try. Nuh-uh. Don’t try. I’ve got a pipe and a Sherlock Holmes-style deerstalker hat to prove it.
In a brown sack jumper and platform heels (nice toe overhang, btw):
Pink was rushed to hospital in Germany last night after one of her Cirque de Soleil-style Funhouse tour stunts went wrong. The Daily Mail says:
The 30-year-old singer, who is famous for her acrobatic stage routines, fell out of a harness [eight feet] above the stage.
Pink was then rushed off stage and taken to a nearby hospital by ambulance. The singer quickly took to her Twitter page to reassure fans who were left terrified by the dramatic accident.
She wrote: ‘To all my nurnberg fans- I am so so so sorry to end the show that way.I am embarassed and very sorry. I’m in ambulance now but I will b fine.
Didn’t get clipped in2 harness correctly,drug me off stage, fell in2 barricade. Getting xrays.I hope it at least looked cool!!!
Nothings broken, no fluid in the lungs, just seriously sore. I made that barricade my b*tch!!!! Thanx nurnberg:(‘
Good thing nothing was broken. Otherwise, the Germans might have taken her out back and shot her. You can see how an EMT could easily mistake Pink for a Clydesdale without the benefit of daylight.
Hi guys, it’s Sonya today. Did you know that nipples can stick to ice? It’s true. Just ask Abby when she gets back.
So, the Grammys happened last night, and like the dedicated blogger that I am, I didn’t watch them. I don’t really care who gets what, because it’s all a bunch of crap anyway. They never mention my favorite group, Captain Geech and the Shrimp Shack Shooters, so I don’t bother. I am interested in what everyone wore, so here we go:
Taylor Swift’s dress fits kind of weird, I think.
Rihanna chose to let her dress do the choking
During a lapse in security, crazy lady Phoebe Price slipped in, as did super-classy Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi
Pink didn’t need to sneak in, she just snarled at security
Pink showed off a mysterious wienery bulge in her latex pants while performing in Glasgow on her Funhouse tour yesterday. Now, some of you are going are probably going to say that it’s just the lighting and the camera angle and not a penis at all, to which I would respond, “you’re a giant buzzkill and nobody likes you.” Fact.
Here’s Pink, or P!nk, as she likes to write her name, at Liverpool Arena in the UK, wearing costumes only a gay man would love. Or a fellow drag queen. She looks like a demented circus master that will make you balance on a ball and then feed you to evil clowns when she’s tired of flicking her whip at your feet, and then strip down to her shiny, shiny red pants and do uncomfortable things to herself with a midget carney. I’m freaking myself out–someone hold me!
Paris Hilton made a huge assy spectacle of herself in L.A. yesterday by driving around in a bright pink Bentley Continental GT. Volkswagen, have you no shame? The Daily Mail says
The 27-year-old socialite has bought the $200,000 vehicle as a Christmas present for herself. The vehicle was sprayed a specific shade of cherry blossom pink, which was complimented by pink sheetmetal, grille, hubcaps and most of the interior.
Explaining her reason for customizing her car pink, Hilton said: ‘I love pink so I met up with [a Bentley executive] and brought him this pink clock from the Disney store and got him to make this exact color and we just designed it all together.’
Although the car boasts a 37 inch front headroom and full floor console with covered storage box, it’s still nowhere near as roomy as Paris Hilton’s actual vagina. For that, Consumer Reports recommends something like a Humvee or maybe one of those shipping freighters that carry truck trailers. God knows you wouldn’t want your penis inadvertently touching the sides!
With new BFF Brittany Flickinger in L.A. yesterday:
Bonus video: It’s Toonces the Driving Cat meets sweat and hair grease: Brandon Davis plows into Pink’s car!
Meet the smartest man in the world, nine year-old Alec Greven. (MollyGood)
If you ever wanted to fuck a porn star, Lela Starr is selling herself on Eros. There’s a present you can’t re-gift! (Dirty Rotten Whore)
Camilla Belle caught canoodling with Twilight douchevamp Robert Pattinson! I guess “canoodling” means “sharing volumizer over chai tea.” Makes sense. (Websters)
Meet the naked Coven of Crapness: Kimberly Stewart, Leah Wood, and Peaches Geldof. (Holy Moly)
Tina Turner appears to have gained twenty pounds in her face and neck, but she’s still got some kick-ass legs. (Hollywood Rag)
Scarlett Johansson dyes the drapes red! Now, about the carpet… (Lainey Gossip)
It should be illegal for Melinda Messenger to have that much tittay. (Hollywood Tuna)
It looks like alter ego Sasha Fierce doesn’t believe in shaving Beyonce’s armpits. (CelebNewsWire)
Never before has a woman coming at you with a giant pair of scissors been so sexy, thanks to Heidi Klum. (Bastardly)
Four words: Jessica Alba swimsuit calendar! (The Rad Report)
