39-year-old Cameron Diaz was photographed at the Chanel couture show in Paris this week with a suspiciously shiny and kettle-drum-like face. The Daily Mail says:

[Diaz] may have succumbed to a cosmetic procedure or two… [it appears] the star may have had Botox and chemical peels to achieve her wrinkle-free look.

Plastic surgeon Dr. Anthony Youn [said] ‘There’s something about Cameron Diaz’ face that is very unusual. Her forehead is excessively smooth, a possible consequence of overdone Botox injections. Her face also looks extremely shiny.’

This is why you wear sunscreen, ladies. And also why you don’t take male sex hormones you buy off the internet. If her pores were any bigger, sturgeons could probably spawn in them.

There’s something different about Cameron Diaz when comparing these photos of her in Hawaii two weeks ago (left) and photos of her last year (right), and it’s not just the hair. The Daily Mail says:

The Charlie’s Angels star, 39, was spotted on the beach in Hawaii over the holidays looking rather shapely, prompting rumors she’s gone under the knife.

The actress is said to have had implants to boost her chest by a cup size.

Cameron has previously said she’d prefer a more curvy figure, telling Marie Claire in 2009: ‘I’d love to be more voluptuous. It’s just not my body type.”

You know that expression “useless as tits on a boar?” Well, this is a close second.

If someone had told me that there were busty girls in string bikinis jumping up and down and spreading their legs in Bochee Ball, I might have actually played it, instead of just yelling that it was a game for faggots and urinating on the green. In hindsight, that may have been a tad premature.

LeAnn Rimes playing Bochee Ball/aerial jumping jacks in Hawaii (10 more pics after the jump):

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Yesterday I said that Leann Rimes’ ass was all flat and sad and Caucasoid, and then today I see these pictures of her in a different bikini. Look, I’m not one to mince words, and I’m not one who won’t own up to mistakes. I was wrong about Leann Rimes’ ass. Plain and simple. It’s just all part of the learning process. Mistakes are how we grow. I know it will take a while for you to trust me again, but with time and healing, I think we can make our way through this.

Leann Rimes and her very not-sad not-flat technically-Caucasoid-but-not-in-the-way-I-meant-it ass in Hawaii

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

Leann Rimes looks like she’s flaring her nostrils in every last one of these pictures, which means she’s either permanently in a huff (entirely plausible) or she’s lost so much weight that her nostrils are too big for her face (also entirely plausible). Thank God the breast implants are there to distract from it.

With husband Eddie Cibrian in Hawaii:

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

Victoria Silvstedt’s Wiki page says that she is a “Swedish celebrity model, actress, singer, and television personality,” which sounds a lot fancier than “bonafide whore,” which is what she actually she is. In fact, in some parts of the world, a “silvstedt” is just a polite euphemism for a genital wart.

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

If my Christmas wish were that Courtney Stodden get uterine cancer, would karma dictate that I also get uterine cancer, or would I secretly get a high five from Jesus?

It’s nice to see that Lindsay Lohan’s colorist was able to exactly match her hair color to her teeth. She can probably even scrape some of the tartar off her gums and use it to touch up her roots between visits. And it’s a great way to keep from clashing when wearing graphic prints.

Leaving the Ken Paves salon yesterday:

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

If you don’t want people to stare at your lips, then don’t wander around holding your phone in front of them like some kind of stupid mouth monocle. That only makes it worse. It’s like stomping around yelling “don’t look at my tits!” while clutching them with both hands. Which, incidentally, I’ve been doing for the last two hours in front of the Kroger on 27th. It’s a real attention-getter.

Vanessa Hudgens in L.A. hiding her big fake lips:

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

Never mind that it looks like baby tarantulas are crawling out of her eyeholes — I still can’t get over what Kim Kardashian has done to her face. It looks like it was melted down and poured into a latex mold. It’d be the perfect scary mask to wear for Halloween if you didn’t have to worry about black guys chasing you down to pee on you.

In New York today:

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

This before and after pic of Nicole Richie in a bikini seems to suggest that the former “Simple Life” star went and got her titties inflated by a professional recently. Us Magazine says:

An insider tells [says] that [Richie] got implants this summer.

“In the past, she said she wanted a lift, though we never thought she was serious,” another source says of Richie.

Still, “she’s been open about it to friends,” notes the first insider.

The second source adds that the designer wanted to improve her bustline for hubby Joel Madden, 32. “The pregnancies took a toll. She said breast-feeding killed what boobs she did have!”

Oh, I doubt she did it for Joel Madden. He’s way too concerned with mastering the perfect smoky eye to bother looking at anybody’s tits.

Nicole hosting Fashion’s Night Out earlier this month; celebrating her 30th birthday at Cecconi last week (bottom):

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

You can’t help but make a horrified WTF face when you see these pics of Lindsay Lohan’s 17-year-old sister Ali, because it’s obvious from the photos that she’s completely butchered her face. Yet in spite of the lips and cheeks bulging with dermal fillers and the disproportionate chin and cheekbones, her agents are still denying she’s had anything done. Her modeling agency director told E! News (via the Daily Mail):

“Contrary to recent reports, I can confirm that Aliana Lohan has not had any surgery.

As a young girl who is growing up, it’s natural for her facial features to change slightly, and we see this with many of the younger models we represent.

Aliana is a beautiful 17-year-old girl who is growing into her face and body, as is the norm for someone of her age.”

Sorry, there is nothing “norm” about that, unless she grows by molting her skin like some kind of crustacean. It looks like somebody filed down the edges of Lady Gaga’s prosthetic alien face and stuck on a pair of Mr. Potato Head’s eyebrows.