Seems like that Playboy debacle wasn’t a total bust for Lindsay Lohan, since she also managed to get a deal hawking jeans out of it too (read: she blew the photographer). OK! Magazine elaborates,

After her Playboy spread, she inked a deal with Jag Jeans! Here’s the connection: Yu Tsai, the photog who took the skin photos also shot the jeans campaign, as reported by E! News.

In a press release, Yu indicated, “Lindsay did not disappoint.” The release continued, “As Jag Jeans’ newest endorser, Lindsay embodies the strength and fearlessness of the women of today. She is unafraid to be who she is. She is fierce yet exudes feminine grace.”

From the sounds of it, Lindsay was involved in the shoot that she “would go as far as adjusting items on the set. She even requested scissors so she could personally fray the edges of her black crepe blouse because she believed it would look better that way.”

She embodies women today? Well, she might embody a certain type of woman, but that type of woman has more pressing matters than buying or even wearing pants, like where her next hit is going to come from, or who her next anonymous sexual encounter is going to be. Doi.

Turns out big fake freckle tits with weird melanin-less nipples aren’t this season’s must-have Christmas gift, because nobody’s buying the Lindsay Lohan issue of Playboy since it hit newsstands on Friday. Fox News says:

Not many consumers are paying for [the Lindsay Lohan Playboy] experience. In fact, interest seems low in seeing Lohan’s intensely air-brushed impersonation of Marilyn Monroe in glossy print.

Fox411 spent Friday morning trolling the shelves of newsstands and gas stations from New York to Philadelphia only to be confronted with the same reality at each: no one staring back or making a purchase.

“No one has bought it,” was the resounding answer to our query at each stop.

The problem with Lindsay Lohan’s Playboy spread was not that it leaked a week early or that she failed to uphold her contractual obligation to promote the issue. Not at all. The problem with Lindsay Lohan’s Playboy shoot is that Lindsay Lohan is not Kate Beckinsale. That was really Hugh Hefner’s first mistake right there. I guess that’s what they mean when they say hindsight’s 20/20.

Kate in the January issue of Elle Russia:

What, Lindsay Lohan, unprofessional? This is the first I’m ever hearing of this. Us Magazine says:

Playboy’s newest cover girl Lindsay Lohan has canceled an upcoming promotional appearance on the Ellen DeGeneres Show that was scheduled to tape on December 13.

Currently on vacation in Hawaii, the 25-year-old actress missed her flight back to Los Angeles, a show rep confirms.

Never mind that that Russian hacker leaking her cover has already cost Playboy thousands and forced Hefner to move newsstand sales up a week early. Never mind that she was contractually obligated to do the interview. It posed a slight inconvenience to her. And since 9/11, nobody will hold a fucking plane for anybody anymore. I think we can all agree, her hands were really tied here.

Arriving to court today:

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

An unretouched photo of Lindsay Lohan at her Playboy photoshoot hit the interwebs this weekend, clearly reinforcing my belief that everything in Playboy is really ninety percent photoshop wizardry. And speaking of wizards, Lindsay Lohan is a fucking dumbass. Case in point (via TMZ):

Lindsay Lohan’s purse [containing her] passport, important probation docs, and [ten thousand dollars in] cash was stolen last night from a Hawaii house party.

One of her friend’s eyed a suspicious-looking local, and asked if he knew where the bag was. The local denied everything, but showed up with the bag minutes later… claiming he found it on the street.

Lindsay was so ecstatic to have the bag back, she didn’t bother asking questions — despite the missing $10,000.

Who other than drug dealers carries ten thousand dollars on their fucking person? I was gonna say “who other than black people carries ten thousand dollars on their fucking person,” but I thought that sounded racist. So I went with “drug dealers” because that covers that base without me actually having to say it. You’re the racist for thinking it.

You’d think anyone would be smart to the fact that it’s never a good idea to pin high hopes on Lindsay Lohan–that is, unless you’re waging on her being drunk, stoned, or late. Then yeah, go for it. Playboy apparently didn’t get the memo and are freaking out now that their cover of Lindsay got leaked yesterday. Technically that’s not Lindsay’s fault, but the girl is bad news. TMZ says,

Lindsay Lohan’s highly classified Playboy photo shoot leaked to the Internet this morning — one week before the issues was set to hit newsstands — and TMZ has learned Playboy honchos are “freaking out.”

First off — the pics aren’t bad … it’s a Marilyn Monroe thing … and it works.

Playboy sources tell us … there are fears the leak could significantly damage sales of the magazine … which is expected to be the best seller of the year.

The shoot was a massive investment for Playboy — the mag shelled out nearly $1 million to Lohan for the spread and we’re told the company has printed thousands of extra copies in anticipation of a sales boom.

Is there really that high of a demand to see an alcoholic coke head topless? Shit, all I have to do is drive downtown Saturday morning and there’s bound to be one passed out in the gutter. I don’t have to pay for a magazine, and there’s the added bonus of getting a um, more tactile experience. Playboy doesn’t have honkable boobs, now do they? Bingo.

Here’s something you won’t see downtown in the gutter: Diane Kruger sideboob!

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