I would call Paris Hilton a lot of things. “Slut Machine”, “STD Distribution Machine”, “Useless Twat Machine” perhaps, but not “Promotion Machine”, which is what her lawyer is calling her. Digital Spy explains,

Paris Hilton’s lawyer has branded her a “promotion machine” following allegations that she failed to publicise her 2006 movie Pledge This!, reports BBC.

The socialite has been sued for $8.3 million by the Worldwide Entertainment Group, which has alleged that she refused to promote the DVD release of the 2006 sorority comedy.

Speaking in a Miami court yesterday, attorney Michael Weinstein said: “[She] was a promotion machine. For two-and-a-half years she relentlessly promoted that movie.”

The WEG has suggested that Hilton’s alleged refusal to promote the project was directly responsible for its failure. She was paid $1 million to star in the picture, but it only grossed around $2.9 million worldwide.

A lawyer for the company said: “At no time would she take ten minutes to do a phone interview… It might have made a difference. It would have done better.”

Weinstein told the court that Hilton had been unhappy with the final edit of the movie but insisted that she had not refused to promote it, although he admitted that her busy schedule meant she could not accomodate all the producers’ requests.

Let’s take a quick vote. Anyone ever heard of this movie? Raise your hands. Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller? Okay, no. I hereby declare the defendant guilty on all charges, and whatever else I feel like bringing against her. She shall immediately be removed and airdropped into Al-Qaeda territory. Case dismissed!

Arriving for day 2 at court

Worldwide Entertainment Group Inc. has filed a $75,000 lawsuit against Paris Hilton for not fulfilling her promotional obligations for 2004’s flaming turd “National Lampoon’s Pledge This!” According to the Associated Press

Hilton entered into an agreement in 2004 for the production and distribution of the movie, starred in the film and received credit as an executive producer.

The Miami-based [production company] said it paid Hilton and Paris Hilton Entertainment Inc. $1 million for her “acting services” and for “reasonable promotion and publicity” for the movie.

I’m supposing the “reasonable promotion” including stocking bar room crappers with the official movie poster and copies of the unrated DVD. You know, so patrons would have something to steady that wobbly bar stool or wipe their ass with after a case of the beer shits.

Paris at the Playboy Mansion Pajama Party this weekend: