Shakira’s new song “Rabiosa” featuring Pitbull is absolutely terrible, but the accompanying video showing her pole-dancing in lingerie more than makes up for it. I haven’t been this excited since the Pegasus League allowed Black Luster Soldier Envoy of the Beginning card into tournament play!

24-year old Muslim Christian (?) Rima Fakih beat out 50 other contestants to win the title “Miss USA” on Sunday night, about two hours before pictures of her working a stripper pole at an exotic-dancing competition three years ago hit the interwebs. I’d like to point out that she’s wearing less in the Miss USA pageant than she is on the stripper pole, but apparently whoring for Donald Trump is okay because it’s primetime and Proctor & Gamble sponsored. The Daily Mail says

She was hailed as the shining example of the American dream, a Lebanese-born woman who became the first Muslim Miss U.S.A.

But her victory was already tarnished last night by revelations that she won a pole dancing contest at a strip club in Detroit in 2007. It is not known if organisers of Miss USA were aware of Miss Fakih winning the ‘Stripper 101′ contest at the Coliseum Gentleman’s Club.

Supporters had claimed that her success in the Miss U.S.A. contest showed the true face of Arab Americans at a time when they have come under the spotlight over attempted terror attacks.

I know I already told you about this whole “Miss USA stripper scandal” in the quickies yesterday, but I didn’t get the chance to say what I really wanted to say about the dangers of assigning worth to a title so inconsequential and making a pageant queen the poster child for the “true face of the Arab-American.” That is: the great thing about Muslim chicks is that they’re already on their knees five times a day anyway. High five! Yeeeah, baby! You see why I couldn’t let a gem like that go to waste.

Demi Moore is the classic “cool mom” — dating a guy fifteen years her junior, wearing hip designer clothes, and publicly teaching her daughters how to strip at a Hollywood party. All my stupid mom ever did was make brownies. According to Page Six

Demi Moore gave daughter Rumer Willis a pole-dancing lesson at a party at the Chateau Marmont hotel. A partygoer [said] that the “Striptease” star “even spun around the pole upside down.” Then Rumer gave it a whirl as Ashton Kutcher, Jennifer Aniston and Leonardo DiCaprio cheered her on. “Everyone was cheering, and Leo gave Ashton a high-five,” the source added.

I bet it was pretty easy for Rumer to swing around the pole once she really got going. When you’ve gathered up enough speed with a head that big, inertia kinda takes over and does its thing for you. There’s a lot of complex physics and kinematics involved in having a melon the size of Texas. If Einstein were still alive today, he’d probably have written a whole book about it.

Demi practicing her mothering skills in Striptease:

Jennifer Love Hewitt has jumped on the pole dancing class bandwagon, seen here leaving the Sheila Kelley S Factor class in Encino, CA.  It really seems to be the new trend, doesn’t it? But I was doing it way back in elementary school when I discovered they had installed one in the new playground. I never could figure out what the big fuss was.  If my little boy classmates wanted to spend their lunch money on me, that was their problem, not mine.  School principals are so narrow-minded. They called it “indecent and a disgrace to our fine institution”, I called it crushing my entrepreneurial spirit. Bastards!

Billy Ray Cyrus just doesn’t understand why daughter Miley’s pole dance at the Teen Choice Awards earlier this month was such a big freakin’ deal. It’s just a 16-year old in hot pants squatting around a pole, and besides, if there’s anything Hollywood has taught us, it’s that hypersexualizing teenage girls always has a happy ending. Just ask Britney Spears! He told Us Magazine

“You know what? I just think that Miley loves entertaining people,” he [says] of his 16-year-old daughter, who swirled around a pole attached to an ice cream truck during her performance of “Party in the USA” Aug. 10.

“I always tell her to love what you’re doing and not worry so much about opinion. I give my kids a lot of freedom. I think it’s important.”

Trish and Billy Ray really should’ve named her Fancy instead of Miley. They already put her in a dancin’ dress (okay, dancin’ shorts) and whored her out uptown. “Just be nice to the gentlemen, Fancy, and theyll be nice to you!” It’s almost like Reba McEntire wrote that song just for her.

Whoring out her new Max Azria line for Wal-Mart:

Here’re pictures of Miley Cyrus last night at the Teen Choice Awards, making another great public image move. There’s all sorts of arguments going on about whether she really was using the pole as a dancing prop or just something to keep her balance, but that just sounds stupid. Unless there’s colored ribbon coming out of the top and those trampy backup singers are singing “Here We Go Round the Maypole”, it’s a fucking stripper pole!

I find that asking people if they’d like to see pictures of Brooke Hogan pole dancing is a lot like asking people if they’d like you to pour hot tar into their nostrils. Pretty much a resounding hell no. But find her attractive or not, you still have to admit she’s got that certain “je ne sais quoi ” about her. “Je ne sais quoi ” of course from the French meaning “the affect and constituion of a large ox.” Seriously, I’m surprised she doesn’t have a cart strapped to her back and a ring through her nose in these pictures.

Brooke performing at a Calle Ocho in Miami with her father in the audience: